Stop Saying “Literally”

Why can’t the word “literally” be used figuratively, like any other word?

The last scrap of gift paper fluttered to the ground, winging its way to a growing nest of cream, gold, and green. Jean watched the cat’s pupils swell into oceans, teeming with fish the color of tar.

“Don’t let Mustard eat the ribbon.”

Krista looked up from a fort of gift boxes, adjusting a poster tube cannon.

“I’m serious. If that cat eats any of the Christmas stuff, you’re on litter box duty for the next year.”

Krista’s mouth converted to a tight little frown. She moved from behind a Nordstroms-brand parapet and exited the fort, snatching a length of tinsel from the cat. A pupil-colored wave pulled at her toes.

“Thank you, Krista.”

“You’re not welcome.”

Jean sighed and returned to her coffee. The peppermint Krista insisted on adding had become an oily sheet obscuring the kona. There was no way to drink around it. She picked up the phone to alert the EPA.

Krista was busy stuffing her arm in a tank top trimmed with leopards. The beast sewn to the cuff purred gratefully as her hand passed its scruff. There was still no sign of Mr. Late-to-Pick-Up-His-Daughter.

“Okay, sweetheart,” said Jean, “Why don’t you go grab a trash bag, and we’ll get this stuff picked up before grandma gets here.”

“Is she going get all drunk again?”

“Every year, baby. Come on,” she urged. “Leave that shirt and put on something warm.”

Krista pulled her arm back out of the tank top, laying it reverently atop an unopened Cat-A-Day calendar. She would need to write a letter to the SPCA soon. 365 cats was too many, even if they could adapt to survive in Mustard’s limpid oceans.

“Bring the shop vac, too,” she added, setting her mug on the edge of the shore. The sand had begun to accumulate.

I don’t use it, it’s an overused phrase. But I do understand that using literally incorrectly is a form of hyperbole and irony. I wasn’t just dying from laughing, in the usual figurative sense. Cying from laughter doesn’t do it justice. It was something much more profound, I was laughing at the core of who I was. I thought I would literally die from laughter. Or in today’s dialogue shorthand: I was literally dying from laughter.

Sure it’s overused, and not very elegant. But it also should not give you a sense of grammar superiority over those who use it, just as I don’t think you are a simpleton every time you use metaphor or anthropomorphism. I understand it isn’t literal.

I literally love Parks and Rec and figuratively die of laughter when I watch it! Great post!

This is interesting. I think most people know that they aren’t literally exploding with excitement- which is exactly why they say it! It adds emphasis; it’s a deliberate exaggeration. So, yes, undoubtedly we shouldn’t use it incorrectly like this in our narrative writing, but can an exception be made in dialogue when it is part of the character’s personality to exaggerate wildly?