“I am a writer.”
In America, where so often our job defines who we are, these four little words can throw a wrench into the gears of polite conversation.
I Am a Writer? Really?
There was a time when I sported some pretty meaty titles: lieutenant in the US Navy, Vice President of Worldwide Field Operations, Senior Vice President & General Manager of Asia-Pacific Operations. The kind of titles that take up two lines on a business card and say, “This guy is important.”
But were those titles really me?
After ten years in the navy, I played the part of a hardcore, no-nonsense business guy for almost two decades, leaving the creative side of my personality hidden deep—waaay deep—down inside of me.
Although my calling to become a writer had been building for a long time, most of that tension was invisible to my professional colleagues. All this backstory is a long way of saying that my “coming out” as a writer probably seemed like a radical life change.
So what happens when I tell people I’m a writer?
After some field-testing, I’ve segmented the reactions into four broad categories.
1. Happiness without Comprehension.
In many ways, this is the best possible outcome.
The person you’re talking to has no idea how to process what you just told them, but that’s okay.
If you’re happy with the change, they’re happy for your happiness. Moms, close family members, and friends fall into this category.
2. This Too Shall Pass
I have a few business colleagues who give me a sideways look and then say something along the lines of: “This is a mid-life crisis, right? You said no to a sports car and decided to change your career instead? Call me when it’s over.”
In a way, this response is kind of flattering. I was good at my job. People remember that and want me to come back.
3. Rage, Anger, and Something Dark
I was not prepared for this reaction at all.
Some people get angry with me for making such a radical career change. One former business colleague even told me in an irate email that he wished “his wife would support him” so he could do what he wanted to do with his life.
I chalk up these negative responses (and there’s only a few) to jealousy and other negative emotions. Don’t engage the haters. Life is too short.
4. Understanding
The most rewarding response of all is from people who understand on a gut level why I want to do this with my life.
Who knew my dental hygienist was also a singer/songwriter? Or that a Navy buddy was co-writing a screenplay?
These are just a few of the people I’ve befriended simply because I said, “I’m a writer” and their whole perception of me as a fellow creative changed.
Claim Your Title
I traded emails on this topic with an acquaintance recently and she wrote back, “I find that so many of my friends in this age group are getting “stuck” in their lives…dreaming about their passions, but not taking the action.”
In You Are A Writer, Jeff Goins talks about claiming your place in the world. Don’t be tentative and add “aspiring” or “wannabe” to the tag of writer. Own it.
Jeff is right, but there’s another reason to claim your title. After twenty years in business and a few job searches, I can tell you that people have an innate need to instantly categorize a new acquaintance. We all do it. It’s a defense mechanism that allows us to function in our lives.
Can you imagine what would happen if we had to fully analyze each and every sensory input that hit us during the day? We’d never get out of bed in the morning!
This pigeon-holing happens in the first few seconds after an introduction. But here’s the most important part: you can have the power to name your place in their mind.
The Moral of The Story?
The reactions you get don’t matter. What matters is who you say you are.
Be brave. Be bold. Claim your title.
PRACTICE
When you claim your title, people will often ask you, “What do you write?” What’s your answer?
Take fifteen minutes and write out your “elevator pitch,” two or three clear, definitive sentences that describe you as a writer. Include items that are going to make it easy on your listener: genre, major influences, and easy references, such as “my books are like…”
Share your “I am a writer” elevator pitch in the comments section. Then, go practice it in the mirror, practice on your friends, then look for an opportunity to practice out in the real world.
Have fun!
“I am Editor, I help you rewrite blog title.”
Also find various reactions…. one friend once said something like “I hate that you’re a writer” to me. She was complaining that I never had time to hang out anymore. Oh well…. #writersproblems #writerslife
Julie, someone much wiser than me once said: “How you spend your time is how you spend your life.” If writing is that important to you then your friend will understand (eventually).
Because I’m so young, I mostly just get blank stairs or people that outright laugh at me, but it comes with the territory I guess.
I think age doesn’t matter, Katherine Rebekah. There are more than a few talented child and teen authors out there and there’s no reason that you can’t be one of them.
I agree with Claudia, Katherine Rebekah. Age is not the deciding factor–it’s talent and hard work!
K., take it from a geezer – age has nothing to do with it! You definitely have a talent for making even an octogenarian like me want to read the entire story. You are a great story-teller; however, please use your spell checker before submitting a piece – misspelled words take so much away from what otherwise seems to be a great story! You, in my opinion, have a great future as a writer! Jim
Very good article. I have a hard time telling people that I am writer because it is not a fulltime job. And, I have only self-published one book. I do tell others what I’ve done so far and it may not seem like enough.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a full-time job or not. You’re a writer, right? Then, own it. When people ask me what I do, I identify as a writer. It’s been a long time since I’ve been a professional writer (I’m a retired print journalist) but I still write and I am still a writer until I no longer wish to be one. Please stop telling yourself that you’re not quite good enough, LaCresha, because you are. Keep writing, keep pitching your stories and keep working on your craft. Believe in yourself, LaCresha. Nobody else can do that for you.
You are so right. Thank you. ☺
LaCresha, ONLY one book? Do you know how many people I meet who would love to be able to say they’ve written a book? Claim your title proudly. You earned it.
Absolutely! Yes! Thank you! I have cried many times. I am so very happy!!!
This post inspired me to write a piece for my blog about how I proudly said, “I am a writer” yesterday. Thanks so much. http://madelinesharples.com/archives/6702
My post inspired you? That’s wonderful to hear, Madeline!
I am a journalist and I am a writer. I love to write about my experiences in life and issues that help to raise the awareness of people. writing is an art I enjoy for sharing my thoughts
I have a very good friend who is a writer ( He published a novel in 2012 as well as several books of poetry). He is currently at work on a biography, the outline for his second novel, as well as another book of poetry (he will publish this in December 2015). He also has a full-time job as a city employee and a part-time job as a community college instructor. When I told my mother that he has THREE PAYING JOBS she was CONFUSED because she doesn’t consider being a writer to be a “real profession”. And yes, there are those non-creatives out there who will react as she did. Aargh!
LOL, Traci. Anyone who doesn’t consider writing as work needs to try to lay down a few thousand (useable) words a day, every day! THAT’S hard work.
This is a really tough one for me. I grew up in a non-religious home, reading a LOT of anything and everything. Writers were relatively normal people; it wasn’t a bizarre profession. I’ve been writing since my early teens.
As a married couple my husband and I joined a fairly close-knit church where married women are homemakers. Period. Anything related to homemaking, like sewing and gardening, is okay but writing is odd and only a handful of women have ever published a book — usually children’s stories. Interestingly enough, being a songwriter is no problem because almost everyone in our church group likes to sing.
Humility being the best virtue and pride being a serious flaw, declaring yourself to be a writer — or anything that speaks of special talent — is a major social faux-pas. Some women I’ve shared with about my writing will raise questions as to whether an escape into a fantasy world is healthy. Are the home and family being neglected for this hobby? (Valid point, too.)
So I do write, but I generally accept that about myself and keep quiet about it. Once in awhile I talk with someone about a story idea I’m working on, but have found my listener will generally change the topic without comment. There are a few ladies who encourage me, friends I can bounce ideas off, and I’m very glad for them.
If I would go home to my own family and tell them I’m a writer, they may not say too much, either, but wouldn’t think it so unusual. My siblings aren’t writers, but some of them are storytellers, too, as were our uncles.
Hmmm, I’m afraid I’m in uncharted territory on this one, Christine. That said, I think your last paragraph says something about you. Writers are storytellers, and yes, it’s in our blood.
There are times when I feel like I’m in uncharted territory, too, and some people don’t know what to make of me, but I just persevere. Just thought I’d spill it out for my own therapy.
By nature I like to please the people around me, but I realize I just can’t always — or I’ll never fill the corner that’s my spot to fill.
I am a writer…I write short stories and am currently working on my first novel. Most of my stories are classified as young adult or women’s fiction. I also do more journalism-type writing for local magazines as well as for my own baking and fitness blog, 4-Layer Cake.
Great exercise to practice what I say to people, thanks for the post!
Hi Michelle –
Thanks for stopping by. The elevator pitch is a great exercise to build confidence. Glad you enjoyed it.
I am a writer, I am only in highschool but I have written short stories and articles for the school paper as well as playwrights for theatrical arts. It’s a start, if anything, and I often get the ‘This too shall pass’ reaction from teachers to peers, even my own parents.
Katarie – I knew I wanted to be a writer when I was 6. I wrote in school, but once I entered the “real world” it got pushed to the side. I started a few novels over the years, but life always got in the way until I finally put the stake in the sand.
If it’s what you’re meant to do, it will come to pass. BTW, during all those intervening years I read constantly–it’s the next best thing!
Hey, Katarie, love the comment — but take out the word “only” and substitute the word “but” for “and.” Lots of luck. Deena 🙂
I have only self-published one book, however I did it at age 52,
when a friend told me she was writing a book and recommended I do so as
well since I loved to read, which was her reason for doing so. I did
not know anything about computers at the time, therefore I wrote it by
hand, five notebooks later I decided to buy a computer. I Did not know
anything about them, nor how to type, still don’t (Well only one or two
fingers at a time) but got through the process by learning how to go on
search engines finding out about outlines, and of course these blogs
from The Write Practice, helped me a lot. So I wrote it, formatted,
edited and Self Published my own book, but trying to explain that to
people is quite hard, when they think of a book as just being there as
their eyes glaze over when you try to explain and you really want to
yell, “Hey you asked”, but you sigh knowing they have no idea and really
do not want to know about the process. So, Yes I am a writer!! Writing
the sequel to my first book, still in the editing stage!
Thanks for sharing, SM. For the record, I can’t even imagine writing out an entire book long hand. Good on you. David
Really nice post, David. I had to laugh (with tears in my eyes) when you said, “Don’t engage the Haters. Life is too short.” How many of us are related to them? Deena
Good luck, Deena. That makes it hard, but it’s all worth it in the end.
I am a writer. I write about the things that I love the most. I write about dragons and spaceships and people who go on adventures to find their personal truth. I write about everything you see, listen, read, and play. I write the things that entertain you after that long day of your regular job.
Great exercise, David. Thank you so much for this. I think I am going to write my own Reactions post.
I’d love to read it, Thanasis. Thanks for reaching out, BTW.
When I tell people I’m a writer, they always think this is just a ‘phase’. In fact, if I start talking about a project I’m working on, they’ll be surprised and say things like, “Oh, you still do that?” Yes, I still do that!
Alex, my “phase” lasted 47 years with a lot of other stuff in between. If it’s what you’re meant to do, do it.
Thanks David. Why do we wait so long to think that way? After all of these years, I do believe I was meant to do this. KEN
Hello David,
Many thanks for your inspiring post. I’ve never called myself a writer, but after reading your post, I’ll claim my title, and say it proud, ‘I’m a writer’. Until now I’ve said that I love writing, which brings me looks of admiration, compassion and ‘ah, I see’.
People’s reactions to my statement is like the number1post in your list of four. I’ve always wanted to write, but have not had much of a chance in the past. I’m enjoying it now. Friends and family rarely ask what I’m writing, nor do they care to read any of it. Unfortunately, they don’t like reading. This doesn’t intefere with my desire to write.
Writers and readers understand each other, and that’s good.
Hi Lillian – Happiness without comprehension is just fine with me. They’re happy that you’re happy–nothing wrong with that!
Lillian, you are CORRECT with that last sentence. Writers and readers understand each other. I have always thought of that, but never out loud. That’s it! Readers and Writers can talk about this. Now, I’m not saying that if you don’t read or write you can’t talk with someone. There are a lot of people out there that still think that if you write fiction, you have a great talent. Some of these peoples do not read books or magazines. They might read newspapers. Thanks Lillian. KEN
I agree with you that writers are considered talented because many people know how much effort it takes to write a (good) book, and also that there is often constructive conversation between writers and people who dont read or write.
Thanks for commenting. Ken.
I guess I have one advantage; my elevator pitch starts out “I’m retired”. Then of course the conversation takes the tack of “What did you do?” I then tell them I graduated with a BA and a double major in Psychology and Religion, but spent 40 years as a software engineer writing low level software and supporting operating systems. That usually passes high over the avaerage head, since most people only grok the buttons they push and not the thousands of lines of code and logic that go into making that itty bitty little button appear on their iPad so they can push it.
After being astounded by that triple non-sequeter, they then express amazement that I did not require a computer science degree to write software. Of course I then get the glazed, deer in the headlights look when I explain that programming only requires the ability to think logically, and not a mathematics degree. Eventually I end up with my coup-de-grace; I figured if I could not fix the software, I could counsel it, and if none of that worked, I could always pray for it. By then, they were praying for the elevator doors to open, or the plane to land.
I’m a writer, I have been one for over 40 years. The differnce now is that instead of using boolean logic to control a button, I use words to develope a story ar[k/c].
It’s all literture. It’s all writing.
I AM A WRITER.
Now THAT Is a story, Gary. I’m guessing you don’t have to make much stuff up–you’ve probably lived it!
I started saying “I am a writer” when I was eight. I continued to say it all through grade school until high school with its practical “career path” logic told me I should be a dentist or a teacher. I changed “I am a writer” to “I also write” as I pursued career paths that were interesting but not satisfying. Now I am old enough to have a daughter who really is a writer and supports herself by writing; yet, I still just dabble with it on the side. It’s time to declare or give up. So once again, 50 years after I first said it, I declare “I am a writer.” Maybe this time I won’t let the minutiae of life get in the way.
Good on you, Jay. Sometimes our kids can teach us things about ourselves.
I might have said with more confidence when I was ten than now, that I am a writer. I write. Until I publish more than a few anthology stories, I am not a writer.
When I was younger I would say I’m just a writer nothing spectacular,…. But recently I have been doing some soul searching and in a world ( my world) where everything changes and not always for the best, the one thing that has stayed constant and my go to “thing” when I need to make a choice calm down after an incident of some sort that disrupted my day or life and to find answers was my writing. It has always been there when everything else changes.
Now when asked what I do I can say: ” I AM A WRITER and regardless of what you think, I’m okay with it.” (thank you very much). Because at the end of the day when we look in the mirror, we have to be able to live with what we choose.
Wow, talk about claiming your title, Debra!
I’m a writer. I write fantasy fiction and my first novel is being published within the next year. I also am a contributor to a few different websites about creative writing and geek culture, as well as other ongoing features articles for a variety of publications. I also offer blogging and content marketing services for businesses.
This is a great exercise, thanks — for some reason, the “what do you write” question always catches me off guard, even though it should easy enough to explain what I do on a daily basis.
HI Emily – I agree. The obvious question is really hard because you want to give a complete answer which is reaaaaly long. Fight it. Give them enough to satisfy their need to categorize, then engage in a deeper discussion. FYI – it’s a tip I learned while looking for a job. If you hit someone with a firehose of info, their eyes glaze over and the conversation is over.
I suppose the answer to the “what do you write” question depends on who’s asking, Emily.
Thank you for the post, David!
I am a writer and an anesthesiologist. (See? That’s exactly what you referred to: the mixed responses we get!)
I’m building a new blog site (with some help), titled: Yes you can! I will blog about growing older with passion and living a purposeful life. It will focus in part on breaking down the stereotyping of ageing being equivalent to decline and loss of function and purpose.
It’s about discovering the endless possibilities that surround us, how to apply them and add life to our years and years to our lives. Learning to say: “Yes, I can!” Whether you’re 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 or 90!
(I had the privilege of meeting Jeff Goins and Joe Bunting in Nashville in August at the Tribe Conference.)
Talk about claiming our title, David. The Tribe people all recommended switching to Gmail, and use “your own name.” Which I did. But, I’m not the only one in the world with the name Danie Botha. I tried many options with G mail. My new email now is: daniebothawriter@gmail.com (I know Jeff will be proud of me.)
I also write modern historical fiction and is busy with a contemporary fiction novel.
It is not a mid-life crisis, it’s a mid-life awakening. Some never have one, some have one every few years.
Great post!
Thanks, David, for sharing your experiences and perspective.
My elevator pitch might go something like this:
I’m a writer … mostly of poetry to reflect on and celebrate the big and small of life.
Then continue internally … and I try to sneak in moments of inspiration when I know I should be paying the bills or washing dishes or correcting papers. And yet those moments don’t end in guilt; they fill me with pride in this side of me … no, center of me … that still feels new. And at the center of this burgeoning joy is my exposure to the breadth and depth of the contributors to The Write Practice.
I claimed my title as writer in February of this year in another post to TWP. While that claim is still primarily internal, that alone was an important realization. My response to that particular prompt is a favorite of mine, and relevant to your prompt, David. So here’s my verbose elevator pitch:
“I’m a writer.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I’m a writer.”
“Like books or magazine articles?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“I write for myself.”
“Oh, you want to be a writer.”
“I am a writer.”
“Okay. “
“What does it mean to you if I say I’m a writer?”
“It means you’ve actually published something. Or you have a blog. Or at least you’re really good and people want to read your stuff. Or you’re close to finishing a short story. Or you’ve submitted an article to a magazine, even if it was rejected. Or at least you have a job where you produce large works of writing. Or you’re super creative and writing is your deep passion. Or you’ve known all your life you’ve wanted to write. Or you journal every day. Or you know a lot about famous authors and have read all the classics and then some. Or if I give you a topic, you can create something right now. Or … I don’t know … whatever a “real” writer does.”
“I am a real writer. And I write for myself. And I rummage around in my head for ideas. And when I want to support a friend or send a birthday greeting or celebrate a marriage or birth or honor a loved one who has passed, my first thought is to write a poem for them. And I sift through synonyms to dig up novel ways to put my thoughts on paper. And I love to disentangle grammar, and break the rules, too, in order to invent a rhythm or a surprise. And I observe … the light through a tree on a foggy day … the smells in a bakery or on a walk through nature … the giggles and skip skip skipping of little kiddos … because the sounds and smells and images of life bring forth words, if you let them. And those words bring forth emotions, if you’re willing to feel them. The words, the words, the remarkable, awe-inspiring phrasing and brand new combinations of words that I find, maybe in Bradbury, maybe in a dear friend’s handwritten letter, maybe in my journal (which, from the gaps in the entry dates, you’d never guess was a term meaning “daily”). And I read and re-read those words. And I care about expressing myself sublimely; whether I accomplish that completely or partially, it’s the seeking which nourishes. And I take part in an incredible process called thewritepractice. And you know what? There I meet and am inspired by writers, writers, writers in every single post. And you know what else? Those who have a lifetime of experience and those who’ve just started are given the same message … the realization that each of us can claim as our own, the avowal, “I am a writer.”
Sometimes I have the similar conversations…
I have to wonder if some of the negative reactions are more from people not understanding why you left a high profile career, rather than being dismissive of writing per se. Either way, I suppose it is a slam on writing 🙁
I AM A WRITER
I need to give it gravitose for there are a lot of people who don’t understand what it is to be a writer, they don’t understand that one project can sometimes take as long a year [my first book took longer than that to be created in its fullness].
So I say it with a smile, and wait for the surprise and the questions, I am only 28, but I’ve known that I wanted to be a writer since I was in high school, and perhaps longer than that. It took me a long time to be able to admit this was what I wanted to be, and I used to hide what I did around people who would not understand [which was mostly everyone], with my family I did not hide though.
My pitch is usually an answer to those questions which follows the statement, and sometimes I have to get to the statement in a round manner. By mentioning my writing first and then stating that I have several books on the market, perhaps this is also an avoidance of using the words ‘I am a writer’, perhaps I need to practice more.
I write fictional romance, set, usually, in the 1800’s in England. I love that time period and think it is the most romantic in our history.
So I will practice… I am a writer….
I’m with you, Rebekah. Most people think that you’re a phony, a dreamer a time-waster when you say you are a writer. They understand better when you say ‘I’m writing,’
It sure feels good to say, I’m a writer, so let’s be proud to say it.
Here goes; I’m a writer.