With the divisiveness we've experienced this election season, I thought we could all use an article about understanding one another. Studies have shown that reading stories allows us to be more empathetic. We learn all sorts of new things from reading and “meet” different characters we then come to understand through their thoughts and actions.
This happens naturally, but there are a few extra steps you can take to create more empathy in your writing that will not only help you understand your characters better, but will also help you to better understand the people around you.
4 Ways to Expand Empathy
I'm sure many of us have been guilty of falling into a rut. It's easy to turn to default genres and authors when it comes to reading books. They're comfortable, you know you like them, and there is an endless supply of stories available to you.
But in order to become more empathetic, we need to be empathetic of all people, not just people we already know and understand. Here are four ways you can broaden your understanding.
1. Read books that frustrate you
What book do you absolutely hate? Read it again. It's okay to loathe it, but now I want you to pinpoint why. Is it the character you despise? What about them frustrates you? Come up with a list of all the reasons why you can't stand this book. That's the easy part.
Now make a different list, this time with all the positive things you can think of about this book. Don't be stingy; really dig deep and try to think of at least a few things that you liked.
If you want to go even further, read a handful of five-star and one-star reviews of this book to get even more opinions. There might be crossover, but I'm sure there will also be several things you didn't even think of.
If you're able to see both sides of a book, it will be easier to see both sides to an issue or a person, too. Nobody is perfect, but nobody is completely imperfect, either.
2. Read books from diverse authors
If you're not sure where to start, the “We Need Diverse Books” campaign can hook you up. Mark down any and all that look interesting and start reading.
You should especially read authors diverse from you. If you're a man, read a book written by a woman. If you're straight, read a book written by someone in the LGBTQ+ community.
When you read books from people who are different from you, you get an entirely different perspective. The experiences of someone who is Asian will be different from the experiences of someone who is Hispanic. It's one of the best ways to put yourself in someone else's shoes, just like you have to every time you write a certain character.
3. Talk to people you don't agree with
Make sure to do this one very carefully as it can get nasty if you're not careful. Find somebody (maybe a friend or a trusted co-worker) whose opinion on a certain topic is drastically different from yours and ask for their perspective (and really listen!).
Don't add your two cents. Resist the urge to refute a claim. Ask why they feel a certain way, and then smile and thank them.
More often than not, if you're polite and take the time to listen to someone, you can both calmly walk away when the conversation is over. In a heated debate, it can be easy for people to feel like they're not heard. Listen to them, try to understand why they might think what they do (even if you don't agree), and use those same skills to learn more about your characters.
4. Research something you know nothing about
Take the initiative to Google a historical figure you know little about. Ask a friend whose religion is different from yours if you can go with them to church. Learn a new skill. Read up on an era that's unfamiliar to you.
Knowledge is power, and it can only enrich your writing. If you continue to write with only the knowledge you have now, you won't be able to create anything new. Sure, you'll have new plots, new characters, new settings, but eventually it's the same recycled story.
Find something that makes you go, “huh, that's interesting,” and those details may somehow end up in your book.
Learn, Listen, Empathize
The point of these exercises isn't to get you to change your mind about something (although if it does, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that), it's to get you to expand the limits of your mind and be able to look at something in a different light. It's so you can take a walk in someone else's shoes both in life and your writing.
You don't have to agree with anyone or anything, but if you do these things, you'll be able to say, “I understand.” You can find the similarities between you and someone else that you never knew even existed. And with that knowledge, we can have peaceful debate and imaginative stories.
What are other ways to develop empathy in your writing? Let me know in the comments!
PRACTICE
For today's practice, you have three options:
- Read an article that frustrates you.
- Read an article by a writer who is different from you.
- Research something you know nothing about.
Choose one and do it. As you read, take notes on how it makes you feel and what you learn from it.
Then, for fifteen minutes, write from the point of view of a character who is completely different from you. Maybe they practice a different religion or they're a member of a different political party. Maybe they're the opposite gender. How did the exercises help you gain perspective on your character(s)?
If you'd like, share your practice in the comments. Don't forget to give your fellow writers some feedback, too!
A difficult practice. I’ll have to find an article that frustrates me. Meanwhile, I’ll read posts from members to learn from them.
Thanks, Magic Violinist, for the handy tips.
It is a challenge, but I think you’re up to it. 😉 Thank you!
It took my second look at this to see the heart in the hands! How neat! And I’m waaaay behind in choosing to comment, but your “create empathy” steps are wonderful writing exercises. Now I just need to sit my **** down and follow through. 😉
Well I am a very very very romantic girl in relationship with a very practical and rational boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong. We love each other very dearly, gone through many ups and downs in life, been together for six years and are planning to get married next year.
But sometimes my romantic nature and expectations clashes with his, how to put it, not so romantic one. So, today I am trying to write from his POV, what he may think about us, after having fought over that ‘romance issue ‘, again!
**********
Women!
I would never be able to understand them in next hundred lifetimes!
One moment everything was right, we were talking over phone, she was laughing and joking and suddenly she becomes cold and says, “I should go now. I think I am boring you.”
Although she is acting nonchalant, I know her too well to feel the burning anger even over phone. Just what I didn’t feel was intelligent enough to work out what actually caused that sudden anger.
I was listening to her attentively and not interrupting her when she was talking. But she took it as a sign that I was not interested in whatever she was talking about.
See! What I meant before!
Well…. if I be honest… I was a tiny little bit of bored….
But that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t listening to her!
I can recite promptly about all those bloody wedding dresses and pre-wedding photography themes.
Really, our wedding date isn’t even fixed. We planned to do it on next November. So plenty of time, if you ask me.
But I am a man. With my ‘oh so unromantic mind’ I would never be able to understand the gravity of choosing proper wedding dress, song, theme, flowers, cakes, photographer and so on.
Her accusing tone is still ringing in my ears, “This wedding is nothing to you. You don’t spend a moment in your day thinking of it, thinking of us.”
I didn’t dare to point out that it was me who proposed marriage on the first place, with a diamond ring from her favourite designer.
I sometimes think she should have married a girl instead! How can I make her understand that male characters in books and movies aren’t real! How can I make her understand that I am me, I am not her imaginary Mr Darcy. Well, upto my humble knowledge Mr Darcy was an introvert one too and pretty messed up with the ridiculous proposal. But from somewhere she got this crazy idea that after getting engaged Darcy suddenly became head over heels romantic and showered Lizzie with flowers rainbows unicorns blah blah blah. If you ask me, it is the fault of that crazy BBC people and that blasted alternative ending in 2005 movie, which was specifically planned to kill real life men like me.
God! I am getting really frustrated now. I am done with her mood swings and always asking for romance romance and romance. And did I mention her insecurity? That she thinks that she ‘is not handsome enough to tempt me’? Well at least that is where she thinks me and Darcy have in common. ( Sigh )
Ping.
The message tune broke the chain of frustrated thoughts.
She: what are you doing?
Me: nothing
She: me too
Me: you are crying again. Aren’t you?
She: no
Me: really?
She: alright alright! I’m crying. Happy?
Me: and now you’re pouting. (A faint smile graces my fave as I imagine her pouty face. She looks really cute when she pouts)
She: I don’t pout. I am not a child.
Me: believe me, baby. I know that too well.
(Now I am in the verge of chuckling, my mood suddenly becoming lighter)
She: SHUT UP
Me: May I call you?
And I call her without waiting for her reply.
“I don’t want to talk to you. You are such a…. such a….”
“Idiot. Moron. Unromantic uncivilised unfeeling robot.”
I supply happily.
“I didn’t say that! ”
“Ha ha ha! Hey cool down lioness! ”
“Hmmm…”
“But it is true. I am a fool.”
“But…”
“But. We are all fools in love. Aren’t we?”
The sound of her laughter is so melodic to ears, even after all these years I still feel the same thrill.
“I love you sweetheart. I may not be your dream hero, but I can guarantee no one can ever love you more than me.”
“Idiot. I love you too. Muuuuah.”
And I can very clearly see the pretty blushes on her beautiful face.
Well, she is not that complicated. A bit moody and crazy perhaps…..
At least that would be my thoughts until the next time we fight again!
That was an amazing reading and actually relieved me. I’m in a relationship for 6 months with my best friend (I know her for five years, but only recently started dating), we love each other, but I have some psychological issues, such as anxiety and insecurity. She supports me in every way she can, so she is an angel in my life. One of my insecurities is that I sometimes have trouble in being myself. No, I don’t lie to her, I just try to push myself to be more than I am, maybe with the fear of losing her if I’m not perfect enough. But your words and your fiance’s gave me more self confidence, showing that even if sometimes we are not totally what the other person expects, we can be ourselves and still be loved. I know my insecurity is naive (to say the least), but I’m overcoming it and becoming happier with myself and with her! Thank you!
Gabe and Kikku – thank you. Thankks also to The Magic Violinist. I might – gird up my loins, don helmet and shield – try writing in the POV of my ex-hubby. Mind you doubt that you’d enjoy reading it. He’s not a nice person.
Come on! Even Voldemort had a story. Your ex-hubby isn’t surely as bad as Voldy!
Dear Gabe, believe me, I realise your feelings very very clearly. Due to some bad past experience long before being in relationship with him, made me very insecured about my appearance. I used to think that I was a boring girl and there was nothing in me that a man can love.
But with his love and care, he made me the woman I am today. A confident and strong one.
And believe me, in the past whenever I thought about having a boyfriend, I thought he would be utterly romantic, an artist or a poet, just like me. But in reality, my dearest boyfriend(now fiance) turned out to be a scientist who does off to sleep after I force him to read two lines of poetry.
But at the end what mattered was the care and love we felt for each other. All else can be compromised.
This is great! 🙂 I can only imagine that this must have been both fun and frustrating to write.
Thank you 🙂
And yes, it was super frustrating, yet great fun 😀
What a nice post! I think everyone should take the advice you present here. It’s so frustrating that people can no longer respectfully disagree, that they have to hate anyone who’s believes don’t match their own. Somehow our narcissistic culture has lost the the ability to empathize with one another.
I respectfully agree. 😉 Nowadays there are no more cultured debates, no more being friends despite differences. I’m not sure it all stems from narcissism, but it is a sad state of affairs.
I agree. 🙂 If we cut off all ties to people whose ideas oppose ours, we’ll end up in an ignorant bubble. It’s good to know what others are thinking, if that thinking doesn’t line up with ours.
Hi, Magic! Great post.
Sometimes when people confuse or frustrate me, I try writing a story from their viewpoint to try and get in their head and figure out what makes them tick. It’s also an amazing exercise for getting to know a character better.
I once did it for a character I’m working on for a nonfiction piece. The character saved the lives of my father’s family during the Holocaust, but I never met him. In recent years, I met his children and grandchildren, and wrote a short piece trying to get into his head. The man’s granddaughter translated what I wrote into Slovak, and told me that her aunt had been in tears when she read it, because she said I got him to a T.
That’s a great exercise! What a wonderful story about your father’s family. Talking to people close to someone you might not have met is another fantastic way of learning about that person.
You’re welcome! 🙂 Thank you for reading!
Such a great post! Pretty rare topic, unfortunately. It’s wonderful that you included reading diverse books in your tips. I wish more people think about “putting yourself in someone else’s shoes” and at least read books from diverse authors. You don’t have the luxury of being ignorant if you want to be an influential and succesful writer. Thank you!