Have you ever experienced the pains of being bullied? Did you cry for hours like I did? Did you feel you’d never rise again? If so you’re self-esteem and confidence has been damaged. You don’t feel like you’re good enough. I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong.
You may not have been bullied in your childhood but everyone seems to have these experiences of self-doubt. Your self-doubts might sound like:
- Can I really do this? I don't think I can.
- What if it isn’t good enough?
- I’m not as good as so and so. How can I expect to be a writer?
Sound familiar?
Why does this simple little thing called self-doubt do so much damage? One thought could stop you writing for ages. You hold back or, worse, stop writing altogether. How could you possibly compete to all those writers? You’re just you.
What Self-Doubt Did To Me
“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we might oft win by fearing to attempt.” —William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure. (Act 1 Scene IV)
When I was in sixth grade, I was confident that I could take on the world. It was at this point in my life that I went through one of the toughest times of my life.
Bullying.
It started small and grew and grew until almost everyone participated in my torment. I was the ugliest girl in sixth grade, so they told me.
I didn’t want to believe them at the time but the words stung and sunk into my heart. What if they’re right? I’d often think. How could my messy mop of hair be pretty?
I thought by seventh grade it would stop. It didn’t. If anything it continued with more intensity.
This seed of self-doubt was growing like at twisted plant of morning glory, stifling my confidence and choking out my creativity.
I became introverted, shy, and didn’t think anyone would want to listen to my voice. When the bullying finally did stop, I was left afraid of everyone. What if they pushed me down too? What if they notice something wrong and start the whole matter up again?
What Can You Do to Battle Self-Doubt?
Then I found my friends, a writing group that was requiring people for the club at my high school. They changed my life and made me feel like I was worth something. They brought me back stronger than I was before.
Believe in yourself. You ARE worth more than you think. You are special and you will make a difference in the world.
You may think the world doesn't need another writer. I’m here to tell you they do. We need your talent. You have something to offer the world that only you can do.
What to Do When Self-Doubt Strikes
Here are four phrases I tell myself when I am struck with this self-doubt.
- “I am a strong confidant human being.”
- “I make a difference.”
- “Nobody can make me feel like a nothing unless I let them,”
- “I make mistakes but I can and will overcome them.”
Have you ever had feelings of self-doubt? How did you overcome them?
PRACTICE
For fifteen minutes write some of your doubts and fears and how you plan on overcoming them.
And if you comment please be sure to comment on others as well.
Okay, I’ve never done this before. I’ve been receiving The Write Practice e-mails forever, but I’ve never done the actual writing part. Definitely not sharing it. But here’s my 10 minutes (ran out of thoughts on the subject, plus I type fast):
One of the main doubts I have is whether or not I can even finish a book. I think changing the format to a bunch of short stories is going to do wonders for me with that. I will be able to write “The End” a number of times, and work on full pieces. That will give me the confidence that I can actually finish pieces.
It will also give me the confidence that I can follow a proper story structure and pare things down to the truly essential. And it will give me the idea of what my voice is. Some of the things that my #1 critter (I don’t mean the best, I mean the most critical, the one I think sometimes is more cruel than critical) say that need to be improved on my part are spot on. But some other things I think he’s just not appreciative of my voice. And I don’t want to ruin my voice. It has to be my story told my way. And so many other people like it.
Why is it just natural to listen to the one voice of dissent when good things are coming from all sides? It’s not like my other critters don’t find plenty of things that I could improve upon. They are not just fan girling me or anything. They have good input. And usually when #1 and the rest agree on something, I find myself most confident about it.
But I am grateful that #1 seems to have changed his tone in the past two weeks. He has written his crits more like somebody who believes in my writing and wants to make it better than someone who thinks it’s complete shit.
I think another way I’ll overcome doubts and fears is to send out some things to be published to the right places, and perhaps get one thing published. My short story, so far called “What They’d Do” but needing a re-name, sounds perfect for this one magazine that isn’t taking submissions again until October. I want to polish it up pretty before then and send it off. I have to deal with some things like how believable it is that a poor family has internet. I have a good reason, they get it for $5 a month by a school initiative, but how to work that in? I want it to be a long flash fiction (yes that sounds like a strange thing, but there are two sites that take flash fiction up to 2000 words, and this story I have is a flash fiction by the way it ends, but it’s about 1200 words so far) but I don’t want it to be soo long that it comes out of even the realm of flash for these two places that publish the longer flash fiction.
But what if I submit to those places and they say no? I’ve got it so worked in my head that they will say yes. What will it do to my self image if they do not say yes? Well, I think considering how many rejections writers are supposed to get, I shouldn’t get all worked up about it. It will be a bummer, but it’ll be something to list in my 100 credits group on Scrib, where we keep track of our rejections and acceptances. So far for me, only rejections. Well, and only even 1 of those. Because I’ve only ever put out one thing.
Hmm, I will have to gird myself against feeling like crap for never getting an acceptance. Doing the stories, finishing them, polishing them, submitting them. Those have to be the things that I’m okay with.
All right, this is 10 minutes not 15. I have no more to say on this subject.
Thanks for sharing this, Jeniffer. I wonder sometimes too if I will ever finish my WIP, but I can’t let that doubt discourage me. It can be so easy to listen to that solo negative voice ringing in our ears and forget the choir of positive voices. No matter what #1 critter says, you are a writer! And as far as writing some short stories, that sounds like a good idea. 🙂
Hi Jennifer, thank you for sharing this! You inspired me to participate for the first time too, as I have also been receiving the emails for a while. I so agree with everything you wrote, but what spoke to me most is when you said “Why is it just natural to listen to the one voice of dissent when good things are coming from all sides?” I often wonder this same thing, and think this is the true mark of self doubt. I think I hang onto the dissenting voice because it affirms what I have been fearing all along. But it should not discount the positives, and that, for me, is my charge. Anyways thanks so much for your share. Also, I think your ideas to combat the doubt sound awesome!
Nice post Jennifer! I think the idea of writing a bunch of short stories is terrific! I wish you luck on your short stories. Don’t listen to the negative voice in your head. Never give up as I quote I like says. “A man is not finished when he gets defeated, a man is finished when he quits.” Happy writing!
Doubt–the little word that can break me to pieces. It laughs at me like a blank screen when I’m wrestling writer’s block. It stabs me in the back when I finally muster up the courage to do something great. It shoves me into a little world and makes my dreams small.
I square my shoulders and smile at the big blue sky. There’s one thing doubt can’t do to me. It can’t steal my hope.
Hope propels me into the future. It reminds me that the sun still shines even when storm clouds shroud me. It reminds me that beautiful things can still be made out of dust. It reminds me that I am a writer, even when I don’t feel like it.
Hope lets me dream.
It lets me sing and dance and write.
It lets me be alive.
Hi Joy, thank you for your share. I absolutely relate to “the little word that can break me to pieces,” and love your hopeful reframe. I especially appreciate “It reminds me that I am a writer, even when I don’t feel like it.” Sigh. Thank you!
Thank you for this comment, Melinda. I’m so glad that my writing encouraged you today. Please keep writing! 🙂
You show that doubt Joy! Thanks for this wonderful piece. Hope has helped me in many times of my life. Happy writing!
Thank you for the post, Miriam! 🙂
Thanks for reading it Joy! I was a little worried about it. (this being my first ever blog post.) I hope you liked it.
I did like it, Miriam! You did an awesome job, Girl, keep it up! 🙂
Thanks Joy! 🙂
I like that – Hope instead of Doubt! Though nothing will make me dance haha. But I can definitely focus on hope rather than doubt. Great point!
Thanks Jennifer, I’m glad you liked it. 🙂
Lovely!
Thank you!
Wonderful job, Miriam!
I was never bullied as a child, but feel like self-doubt haunts my writing life every step of the way like a gang of thugs. I have one writing success, then climb to the next level and doubt kicks my ass all over again. Why can I never feel good enough? When am I finally going to arrive?
Intellectually, I know that self-doubt is just that rat-bastard fear in disguise, but when it’s holding me down on the playground gravel, I sometimes feel too weak to fight it
The trick is to write anyway. Send that query letter. Write that blog post. We can’t wait for inspiration to come, then write. That’s bass-ackwards. Writing makes self-doubt go away.
Indeed writing does make self-doubt go away. Thanks for the comment Marcy!
Amen, Miriam!
Hmm, that’s true, I never feel doubt while I’m actually writing. Maybe I should spend more time doing that and less time worrying about what others think. Thanks for sharing!
I think that’s an EXCELLENT mantra, Jennifer. Write more. Worry less.
How can I write about the pain that collapses me from inside
my chest since that day when I watched him take his last breath? How can I open that up with words that leave
me so vulnerable to all that might read them??
That has been my fear, myself doubt?
If it were to spill out it may never stop…. I know it would not stop
because it has never subsided in these three and one half years. The rawness is always there, bubbling just
beneath the surface of the me that is exposed to the world. The me that people ask “How are you doing?”. So, how am I doing?? Well, this is how I’m doing.
I have fear about everything from how to pay the bills to
talking to the gardener about the shoddy job he is doing. I am sensitive to anything perceived as
rejection. I have receded to a place
that if you had asked me if I intended to be here I would declare loud and
clear, “No, I don’t want that!”. But I
have made a lonely place for myself.
Fear is lonely.
Thanks for sharing your doubts so openly with us Linda. It sounds like you are going trough a rough time and I hope you over come it. I liked and can relate to this line that you wrote. “Fear is lonely.” I hope wish you luck as you go trough this time in your life.
Miriam,
Thank you for your encouragement. It was an impulsive act, for me to post that is. I was inspired by your determination that rose from negative experiences of being bullied.
I’m glad I inspired you Linda.
linda, you kind of remind me of how i felt right after and even a year after my son died in 2007. i had the fear of sharing with other grieving parents in group therapy. i felt i was dishonoring the sanctity of his life by sharing with complete strangers. but, in the end, i’m glad i did because i was reaching out to others so that i could feel better. thanks for sharing, and i identify with what you said about the rawness just underneath the surface and the sharing leaving you vulnerable. time doesn’t necessarily heal it, but it makes it softer around the edges. take care.
Patty,
Thank you for sharing your own story. Loss of loved one is never easy.
Yeah… I just gave a talk this morning that didn’t go great. So my sails are hanging a little limp. I intend to start writing another talk immediately. Perhaps work leaves less time to agonize over failure. I recall Woody Allen saying he never has time to read the reviews of his last film because he’s always in the middle of making the next one.
You can’t control the storm but you CAN adjust your sails…..
How to deal with bad reviews! It’s something we need to learn. JOE! Have you got something for Annie?
Yeah… Love the Woody Allen sentiment. Great attitude. Moving forward. Even if the sails are limp the boat is still afloat. Aye aye.
🙂
I have sort of a strange relationship with self doubt as it crops up as the epilogue to my endeavors. I charge ahead, I try new things, I volunteer to do things I have never done before and think I will be marvelous and afterwards I look back and say “What were you thinking? You idiot.” I recall the heat of embarrassment. I live life disappointed in myself.
I wrote a book and e-published it, I sold over 15,000 copies and then got a bunch of bad reviews all at once, like the reviewers all chimed in to destroy me…. that sounds paranoid doesn’t it. But its not. So here is my story……A lovely review by a very successful genre writer put my little story out there, linked to her name and sales took off, soared even, and then someone with the best of intentions I am sure, clicked a particular genre descriptor and my bubble got burst, blown up and destroyed, those particular genre readers flocked like vultures over the death of my little book, never actually reading, it seems, the other reviews, just added their own terrible hurtful words.
Wow, that was quite a run on sentence, but I get emotional about my little book. So self doubt roars to life, can I write another book? Can I try again? Maybe I am not good enough, maybe I do “suck” to quote one reviewer.
So whats my plan? To write everyday, to learn to write with more feeling, with better plotting, to not fall into a niche which could be one or another, to be clearly one and not the other, to be bold and strong, to charge ahead again and perhaps not look back in embarrassment….finally….maybe….?
Well Annie, that sounds so painful and you must have been so disappointed to have the reviews go south like that. Probably there is a middle ground, where you could review the criticisms, to see if there is a common thread, maybe one or two major issues to address. Then, just start a new book. Try to learn something helpful from this crushing experience, but do not read every single review, and do not try to placate every single whiner. Just pick one or two major complaints that seem to be universal, and then, being true to yourself, write something you are proud of.
I’m just wondering, if you are to turn “lemons into lemonade”, would you be comfortable reaching out to the genre author who gave you that initial leg up? She is obviously a professional, and she likes your work. Maybe she could help point you in the right direction, and no doubt, share a few stories of her own early rejections and public shaming.
Good luck to you. I think you are amazing for what you’ve accomplished, and I hope you will get back in the game.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate your words.
Thank you for sharing so openly, Annie. You have a lot more experience than a lot of writers–like myself–who have never published anything yet. That experience can definitely help you in the future. No matter what the reviewers say, keep up the writing! And by the way, I didn’t even notice the run-on sentence till you pointed it out. ha ha! I guess you really had me locked in the story. 🙂
Thanks!
To address the questions you had in your comment. Yes you can write another book, you can try again and I guarantee that if you are not good enough now you will become the author you need to. We all have moments where we suck but no one can stop you unless you yourself quit. I’d like to urge you to try again, maybe not a novel. but try to write at least every day. Writing is a process like any other skill, cultivate it, learn what you can and you will become who you’d like to. Good luck with your writing.
Miriam N
Thanks for your kind words!
Don’t listen to people who try to bring you down. You have talent and you had the guts to actually put a book out there, and that is worth so much! Please don’t give up on doing what you love. We’re here to support you.
This make me feel quite supported.
… So here’s the thing… I read this story and I hear ‘she did it!’. ‘She published an e-book, and took 15,000 sales.’
And the bad reviews, vultures etcetera experience, is just that. Experience! Full stop. Take note. Learn. Move on.
Do it for yourself… YOU…not the vultures, they’ll be dining elsewhere by now.
Well done you… Wow ‘she did it!’. Scoop up that fear and that success into one big storm and sail again I say. 😉
Thanks! I am feeling quite supported by all of you!
I totally agree, what a success to sell 15,000 copies! There are always going to be people that have Something negative to say, you just have to rise above it. learn from your mistakes and move forward. No one is perfect, there will always be flaws and someone to point them out but never stop because of that.
Miriam, thank you for thoughtful advice on addressing one’s fears. Very helpful to just about anyone, regardless of whether they are a writer.
I have had to battle fear, self-doubt and low self-esteem since childhood. I grew up in a violent home where I was reminded daily that I was ugly, stupid, and unwanted. I consider it a victory that I left that house at 18, and though totally demoralized and downtrodden, I was not like them. I had different plans for the type of person I would be and the way I would treat people.
I’m 56 now, and though old wounds will never completely heal, I am a happy person, in a happy marriage, and I had a pretty good career as an executive at several big Wall Street firms. I did these things even though I was afraid of all of them: afraid of being vulnerable to others, afraid of marriage and men, afraid of the self-confident business people, afraid of living alone in a big city, and just afraid in general. I found the best way to deal with fear was to work through it. To not let it stop me, to do at least a little something toward a goal every day.
I do experience fear around writing, and in the practice on being blocked due to fear, I described how I write in a journal, even if I’m just copying right out of a magazine. I sit down to write and I WRITE. Fear is a powerful emotion, and I am not suggesting that anyone ignore it. That’s psychically and spiritually unhealthy and dangerous. I’m talking about acknowledging the fear, accepting that it is part of the process, and then getting to work anyway.
It’s like working through a migraine, or smiling when you feel sad. You’ve made a commitment to yourself, and you will feel better for fulfilling that contract for 15 minutes. As my best friend Allyson says, “One foot in front of the other”. Or, like Nike, the Greek Goddess of Victory commands her minions, “Just Do It”.
As for me, my greatest fear around writing is not fear of rejection, though that gremlin does harass me frequently. For me, it is the act of writing, for which I must dig deep, bringing up all sorts of experiences, memories, sensations, and feelings that probably are best left alone. It’s a Pandora’s Box. When I start writing, I am frequently surprised at what I’m writing, even though I usually already had a story or plot outline in my head. I’m nervous about what will come out of me. There are years of stuffed outrage and anger (yes, yes, I went to therapy for years. It soothes the pain, does not cure the illness…).
I don’t want to be one of those bitter authors who spews literary vomit on the page, and calls that “creative”. Writing something for shock value and to make the lookey-loos buy the book is not my style. I certainly do not want to start spilling my guts, thinking I’m being highly creative, when everyone thinks I’m producing garbled crap. I have to let down the defenses to write and be honest. To me, even fiction has to be honest, in that I keep my integrity and only tell a story the way it needs to be told correctly, so that it is comprehensible and hopefully meaningful.
So that’s really my big fear. As I work at not being so controlling about what goes on the page, and “follow my muse”, I do worry that you, my captive audience, will feel abused. This is not a therapy group, and I respect everyone’s time and attention to our mutual practices and sensitivities. Thank you for reading this far, and see, I wrote all this even though I’m afraid to think about it myself, much less share it with a group.
Good on ya for writing dispirit your fear Avril! To quote you on one part here. “I respect everyone’s time and attention…” I thank you for reading my post. For my first ever blog post I was nervous that no one would like it.
Happy writing!
Thank you for sharing with us, Avril. Your story inspires me to push through obstacles and hold my head high. May God bless you.
Thanks Avril. Even a laugh at the end ‘it’s not a therapy group.’
I’m still laughing because, well, because writing is therapy… ;-).
I read a great article today about the positive impact that writing has on mental and emotional recovery and condition…
Much wisdom comes with middle age… I love it. 🙂 and love your sharings.
Dawn …. Still smilin’.
Ha ha now I’m laughing too. You are so right; writing is therapy!
Self-doubt is a strange thing, for me anyways. It hits me when I’m at my highs and lows, then vanishes like a predator into the night. When I was younger I was oblivious to it, it seemed normal to be unsure of yourself because that’s what
teachers and society told us then. When you’re little, you believe that you are perfect in every way and that you are immortal. So, as you grow up, and you aren’t so cute anymore, Reality sends you the painful reminder that some people are nasty.
I don’t have the best relationship with my mother. She doesn’t like me very much (and I am constantly reminded of that), and it has been this way for a long time. As I get
older, her words hurt more and more. When one is constantly being told they are mean, nasty, ungrateful, selfish, ugly, lazy, those words begin to mutate into other questions. Do they like me? Am I a bad person? Am I really that terrible? It came to a point where I would do very, very bad things to try and get these doubts out of my
head when there were two simpler explanations right in front of me writing and music. The former, I believe, is the most useful when one needs to be productive.
I’ve taken to documenting my emotions when they are the strongest, and it is an excellent way to alleviate self-doubt and pain. I pull out my notebook, get in front of a
mirror, and write down my physical reactions and what caused them. I then close my eyes for a moment and try to artistically (and, occasionally, over dramatically), write down what I feel on the inside and the questions floating around my head. These descriptions have been invaluable to me when I’m writing painful scenes when I
can’t empathize with a character. I now analyze my doubts, my fears of failure, my troublesome questions, and use them to make something I’m proud of. It may not please other people, but it pleases me, and I believe that being able to be proud of something you create from your own negative experiences is the best feeling in the world.
Great way to fight your doubts Lauren! When your writing I’ve found that my doubt goes away. I hope you can make it through the trials in your life.
Happy writing!
Awesome post, Miriam. 🙂 I admire your bravery to talk about something so personal like that. I think self-doubt is something all of us can relate to–writers or otherwise–because we all have dreams and we all have fears, and sometimes those two collide in the worst way. It’s especially tough to conquer that, because self-doubt is something only you can deal with, as it’s coming from yourself. Thanks for sharing your ideas!
Thanks for reading my post Magic Violinist! We indeed all can relate to self doubt and its our job to over come it.
I had tears in my eyes by the end of your post, Miriam. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I identify with this perfectly! I’ve never really been bullied, but I do a rough sport and often miss out on improving myself because I’m afraid of getting hurt. I’m a perfectionist and hate messing up and failing, so many times I back out of a challenge rather than run the risk of getting hurt. But I’ve grown so much since I first started. I’ve had to face no one but myself. I’ve had to overcome that huge fear so that I can be stronger. Not to say I’m fearless (yet), but I’m getting there.
Thank you for reading it 709writer! I’m glad I touched you. It was a rough time in my life and I’m glad I could overcome it. I to am not fearless yet but I am working at it every day. Happy Writing!
Self doubt is the day I found out that I was not born in America, a country that everyone dreamed to live in. When I finally started my life in America, self doubt is the realization that white is something I will never be, and that the people whose light skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes, would be the very people reminding me every single day that I am in fact not a white American. I would not have a group of friends like in the Archie comics, getting into wild misadventures. I would not be Tom Cruise or Kevin Bacon, taking the girl of my dreams to the prom, that all-American tradition that was supposed to open the door to young, sexual adventurism.
Self doubt is the name of my first (and last) white girlfriend, the day I found out I was nothing more than some adventure, an ethnic curiosity.
Self doubt is the career counselor who told me what kind of career I ought to be pursuing, and that a healthy paycheck comes before a love of your career.
Self doubt was what held me down and held me back even as I knew in my heart of hearts that the woman before would in fact become my future wife. And in the end self doubt is that ugly cancer that only she was able to pry off of me and throw into the incinerator to burn away into nothingness. And when my eyes were finally opened to the reality of my true worth, it became possible for me to keep self doubt from resurrecting itself.
Thanks for commenting Dad0f5!
When I was young, my own doubts about my ability to be attractive to boys went away after I joined a church club and met a group of caring people who did their best
to welcome me. My doubt about finding a job after years of being a Mom,
disappeared when I stopped apologizing for my lack of business experience and
built up my strengths in organization, punctuality, typing, etc. My doubt about
being a money making writer is still there, but I accept it. I do not market myself and am comfortable with writing for a group of haiku poets who recognize my name and stories for small journals which occasionally accept one. To sum up: I am 78 years old and I’m happy and content with my life.
For all the others who have posted here:
All of you have expressed yourselves beautifully and honestly. To reply individually would take too long, so I’m sending one reply to all. You are all brave people. Facing doubt, whether it comes from bullying, from rejection of any kind, loss of a loved one, a failed relationship or friendship, a job loss, or just from within your own unsure self, it is debilitating. It stops us short and we give up on what we thought we could do. Everyone here has gone through some form of doubt and has won or is fighting to overcome it. My congratulations on your strength and determination.
Adelaide
Thanks for reading my post Adelaide!
This is beautiful, Adelaide. Thanks for sharing!
Beautiful, gentle, graceful. Lovely words Adelaide.
Dawn
Doubts and fears.
They come and go. Well that is how it appears on the surface. Life travels in circles. Around and around we go each time a little further along than before. Each time overlapping a same old pattern, trigger, hurt, fear, doubt. Fortunately each time seeing it with a slightly different perspective, perhaps even seeing the little beast and taking a step back and saying ‘oh hello, you again’.
As life has crept on my fears and doubts have become way more transparent. The same ones just keep on coming but I have changed. I can see them. I know them. Sometimes I still have a little dabble with them. I know they will pass. I’ve learned about their root cause where possible. I’m not trying anymore to completely dismiss them. They’re more like little treasures now. Life lessons. Warning beacons. Perhaps even lighthouses, signalling the way, confirming that if there is fear then I must be heading in the right direction so take notice.
I can jump through them now with more grace, a little humour, and sometimes a bit of a wallow. I concentrate on taking a step forward, even a little one. And I can guarantee there is no doubt the next doubt chases fast on the tail of my micro-bravado. It’s become a bit of a game. I use the opportunity to have a little laugh at myself; remind myself to not take myself so flipping seriously. Celebrate the hits between doubts.
Ahhh, but this is the voice of middle-aged reason and many years of introspection, self-searching and healing. The truth is the little tigers really delayed my joy and happiness and freedom to create and share.
I was picked on as an immigrant with an accent. Boo’ed out of a classroom at a young age a couple of times when reading out a story or a poem, among other things. I learned to fly under the radar very quickly.
Not good enough. Everybody is better than me. If I try I’ll fail. Who do I think I am – get real! All the usual culprits. Even writing this I can’t be bothered regurgitating the drudge of the drama.
I know the pattern now. I know that when you’re about to do something you haven’t done before of course you’re going to have some fear; some biologic and psychologic anticipation.You’re stepping forward into an unknown. (Logic = reasoned and reasonable judgement, based on what is known so far, I this case as experienced by mind an body.)
I’ve even got accustomed to the ritual: fluffing around with distractions (procrastinating), tight throat, tense belly, several trips to the toilet, lots of self-talk (‘come on, work through this.)
So the reality for me has become not to try and get rid of these fears but instead to understand them, embrace them, harness the energy in them and then take on the challenge.
Baby steps or giant leaps… I’m happy with any movement along that scale.
‘Challenge Yourself’. I think I might write that on a note and stick it on my screen.
P.S the statements/affirmations are great Marrianne. Thanks
Whoops, a couple of typos… But the main one… Thanks Miriam (not Marriane).
🙂
Don’t worry about that Dawn. My name gets spelled wrong all the time though I’ve never seen that spelling before. Thanks for your thoughts and insights!
Yes, Dawn! So well put! I like your “voice of middle-aged reason.” 🙂 Very refreshing.
Thanks Joy…:-)
I like the tone and flow, the piece is consistent and very well done.
Thanks Annie. Nice of you to comment.
Dawn 🙂
Doubt. It is the tinder to procrastination’s fire. Once I doubt I then avoid the project so I don’t have to worry about the failure of the finish. It is a tough cycle even when you are aware of it.
I often start to write something and I realize it parallels someone else’s ideas or existing writing and I end it. It’s hard to continue when you don’t think something is original. When this happens I try to redefine “original”, Nothing is purely original and try remember that we all build off of each other. We all take little bits of things from different places. Don’t get stuck setting out to be original.
I also start to think my writing just plain isn’t good enough. I haven’t been a class room in about 8 years and it’s hard to remember what is well written and what is not. I can write all my ideas down then get caught up in grammar and flow. It can be VERY discouraging to think that I have to completely relearn how to write. I then try to remember the only way to get better is to just do it. Fall down, get back up and learn from my mistakes.
It’s a constant battle but that is writing to me. At the very least my ideas or stories are purveyed somewhat and I will only get better by trying.
Excellent Michael. Never give up no mater what happens. Thanks for commenting on my blog post!
Thanks for sharing Michael, I often have the same doubts as you. The constant battle within is tiring but once I was aware of my self doubt, I found it easier to push past the fear and move forward. There were several times I stopped writing my first book because I didn’t think it would ever be good enough, I just thought I was taking ideas from others work, but I kept moving forward and now I have a finished project. Completing my first book made me feel accomplished and gave me the confidence to keep writing.
Doubt is a thief. It knows you in and out. And it will taunt you with a pebble, in other times, with a boulder, trying to make a chasm of that image of yourself, which holds such a great power over your happiness and joy in life.
It begins with flickers on the landscape of your mind. Out of no where, it pops out whether with an image or a question that brings a tug in your heart. ” You sure that’s right?” ” No, you can’t possibly do it.” ” Remember that time…”
I remind myself the truths of who I am, but at times, I may say many, the words that should have cast out that awful beast sinks, and instead, the lies seem truer. A distorted image takes the place of what is.
Later, it seeks to twist a good experience in life into a dreary one, entangling you back in the past. The thing is it’s so silent and invisible that it’s menacing. Even writing this is a battle in itself. Every detail and structure I write is under scrutiny.
At it’s darkest, it can you feel caved and locked with a finalized sort of defeat. I think the best way to defeat it is to relentlessly say the truth no matter if your heart doesn’t accept it. And also, I believe the things that create and build into confidence should be reevaluated. It is not looks. It is not money. It is not social life. It is not will never be what other people think about you.
The more I say this, the more I see the things that really do matter. Confidence always needs something to back up on. And, it’s me. Who I am. Not what I’m composed of or things that branch out of me like my abilities, but just me I’m not saying that by writing it all out, I’ve accomplished a permanent success over doubt’s games, surely not, but that everyday, I can say with confidence, it’s getting better, that reflection of myself within me.
I love this piece CarolyneL! The imagery in here took me write in. Keep up the good work!
Thanks! And thanks for the post!
Self-doubt is something I struggle with all the time as a writer. I worry that my work is bad, that I’ll never be published or make it as a writer, and that I’ll never be a “real writer” (since I have a day job in finance). Thanks for posting this—it really resonates with me. 🙂
Thanks for reading it! Don’t we all struggle with self-doubt as people? I’m sure that if you have the desire and persistence to become a writer you will make it and become a ‘real’ writer. Happy Writing!
I love this! Thank you for sharing, I hope all people, when feeling self doubt, will remember your words and how true they are. “You have something to offer the world that only you can do.”
Thank you Kim! I hope that my voice will ring true to many people as well. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
I can’t say that I’m a writer, but I can say that the words you have said Miriam Can help anyone and everyone, in whatever they may be struggling with. Even though I don’t know the exact circumstances for your experiences I feel for you. I’m happy that you have begun to realize your worth, and become more confident. I hope these words you have shared can help others, and keep writing you sweet girl.
Aw… thanks Anya :). Thank you for commenting.
No movement. No forward. No backward. Just stuck. That is my biggest fear and Mr. Doubt knows it.
When I have so many doubts about a new project, like “Where am I heading with this? Is this a waste of time? Who am I?” ;Mr. Doubt comes in action and stops me right away.
He don’t let me think, don’t let me walk, don’t let me do sports, don’t let me love neither me or my environment.
I turn in a dark frog. I don’t care how I look, my sleep is longer than usual. Like standing water I’m surrounded by mosquitoes and I even smell. I stop to care anything.
I stop.
How I beat him? I have this Walt Disney’s phrase from “Meet The Robinson”:
“No matter what, keep moving forward”.
And I do, I keep moving forward, even if my mind is screaming at me to stop, even if Mr. Doubt tries to put some obstacles in the way, because when I move forward, I am stronger, the mosquitoes goes away and the oxygen cleans my brain.
Moving forward is take a walk, read a new book, watching movies and sharing my thoughs with wonderful people like the ones I have meet in TheWritePractice.
Thanks for being part of this, thanks for helping me defeat Mr. Doubt.
Thanks Miriam for this wonderful subject.
I’m glad It helped you Teo 🙂 It was there for that purpose. Thanks for reading it.
Self doubt, like guilt, can be drowned out and pushed back but never defeated. I create a day by day plan before I start anything difficult. When the doubt rises, I continue to tick the boxes each day. I know if I stop self doubt will own me and then the climb out can take years–I once stopped writing for four years–but if I keep ticking, eventually it goes quite again. I have excel sheet after excel of sheet of daily achievement ticks.
What a wonderful way to battle self-doubt. Thanks for commenting Kevin!
I have a dream of becoming a screenwriter but I live in Georgia, so I have nothing but doubt and I probably will not sell anything but I would like to give it a try just to say I gave it a shot. But my doubt keeps saying its a waste of time. I get on pinterest to read writer’s inspiration to help me end my doubt.
I say that you should give it a shot. Doubt is a monster. I’d suggest that you write every day and put yourself out there. Even if you do fail you can’t fix a blank page. I’ve written another blog post on this website about the very problem you seem to be facing. https://thewritepractice.com/writers-monster/ here’s the link if your interested. happy writing