Writers can be solitary people. Our work requires long periods of being alone with no one to keep us company but the characters. However, I'm starting to see a community form through the Write Practice. People are commenting on each other's practices. They're chatting with one another in the comments. This is what keeps me motivated to write posts every day. I love it.
Photo by Christian Sholz
Writers read their friend's work and give feedback. It's what we do. CS Lewis read Tolkien's Lord of the Rings before it was finished. Lord Byron and PB Shelley read Mary Shelley's Frankenstein in its infancy. This is what a writing community does.
Which is why I'm so excited to introduce a poem by my blogging friend from Chicago, Bethany Suckrow.
Bethany is a freelance writer, and authors up a warm, inviting blog called She Writes and Rights which you will have to visit afterward. Today, Bethany and I are swapping poems for critique.
Yesterday, I posted a poem on her site for feedback. Today, she's posting her poem on the Write Practice.
How to Critique a Poem
Our job is to help Bethany make a finished poem by telling her what it's like to read her poem from your perspective. We can get so close to our work that we don't see how our writing affects our reader. In other words, our job is to help Bethany see what her poem really is, not what she wants it to be.
As you read, pay attention to three things,
1. What works.
What turn of phrase makes you say, “Mmm… that's good”? What imagery do you find vivid and interesting? What emotion does Bethany capture superbly? What does it remind you of in your own experience?
2. What doesn't work.
What is confusing about the poem? Where do you have a hard time following her? Where do you get bored reading? And why? Where is the writing weak?
3. The center of the poem.
What is the poem about? The best poems are about one thing. They have a center. What is this poem's center?
Think about those three things as you read Bethany's poem:
The Journey
I’m looking for big and small graces,
Changes in generational habits – inherited fear,
Moments of gratitude, of forgiveness,
A setting aside of resentment,
A way to draw near.
We need no pity, only grace,
to say,
whatever we thought mattered-
it doesn’t after all these years.I want to move forward,
but I need a bridge.
If it’s not there waiting,
We’ll build one
out of found materials,
things we didn’t know we had until we started looking,
uncovered truths about who we are
together,
and for each other.We’ll meet in the middle,
brave the current,
shed the baggage and rags.
At it’s end, we’ll light the fire
for warming hands,
share a meal,
make ourselves whole again,look up at the canopy of stars:
God, we exist in a world you’ve given us.
Why did we think we had no meaning?
In each branch and pathway leading,
You met and mended us,
brought us here.
Bethany is a staff writer and freelancer by day, blogger and artist by night. She authors the blog She Writes and Rights, where she shares both prose and poetry related to life, faith, relationships, storytelling and creativity. She has just begun her first foray into selling her artwork through an Etsy shop, The Ripe Word. She and her musician husband Matt live in the Chicago suburbs.
PRACTICE
Today, we're practicing critiquing. After you've read the poem, give Bethany some feedback based on the three criteria we talked about earlier:
- What works.
- What doesn't work.
- The center of the poem.
Share one of each.
If you have some time left over, I would love it if you went on over to Bethany's blog to critique my poem, too.
And thanks for being part of this community, friends!
Beautiful !
What works: the way you start with the need for grace, then moving on to the actual separations and resentments before going back to what you need — the bridge. And what happens after you meet in the middle.
What doesn’t: the long 2nd sentence about generational habits and inherited fears, and the other long sentence about found objects, things we didn’t know we had. I get where those come from… but you might try taking them out and seeing if actually the poem goes more smoothly and has less baggage.
What I’m not sure about: The extra verse at the end. The poem starts with grace, so it should end with god. Yet, i was perfectly happy with ending at “the canopy of stars”, even though as an idea God needs to be in somewhere. Also the fact that we are “here” which must be after eating, on the side of the sea of Galilee strangely enough. Can we somehow pack that all into “the canopy of stars” line.
What this is about: Reconciliation, only possible with grace.
What resonates out of this for me: I actually think of a piece out of the bible, John 21, where Jesus has a bbq with his disciples and Peter is reconciled with him, no matter that he’s denied Jesus 3 times. Not knowing anything about you Bethany, I guess its just a personal thing that I’m projecting into the poem… but, that’s the question Joe asked right… what does the poem look like to the person reading it.
Wow, Oddznns. I did not think about John 21 at all, but reading that passage now I see the correlation and feel the same sentiments reflected between the two. This is an interpretation I didn’t see coming, but I love it.
You’re right about those clunky sentences. I said in a previous comment to Gord that I wrote it entirely spur-of-the-moment and haven’t tinkered with it much, so I appreciate that you see those same issues.
Beautiful !
What works: the way you start with the need for grace, then moving on to the actual separations and resentments before going back to what you need — the bridge. And what happens after you meet in the middle.
What doesn’t: the long 2nd sentence about generational habits and inherited fears, and the other long sentence about found objects, things we didn’t know we had. I get where those come from… but you might try taking them out and seeing if actually the poem goes more smoothly and has less baggage.
What I’m not sure about: The extra verse at the end. The poem starts with grace, so it should end with god. Yet, i was perfectly happy with ending at “the canopy of stars”, even though as an idea God needs to be in somewhere. Also the fact that we are “here” which must be after eating, on the side of the sea of Galilee strangely enough. Can we somehow pack that all into “the canopy of stars” line.
What this is about: Reconciliation, only possible with grace.
What resonates out of this for me: I actually think of a piece out of the bible, John 21, where Jesus has a bbq with his disciples and Peter is reconciled with him, no matter that he’s denied Jesus 3 times. Not knowing anything about you Bethany, I guess its just a personal thing that I’m projecting into the poem… but, that’s the question Joe asked right… what does the poem look like to the person reading it.
Wow, Oddznns. I did not think about John 21 at all, but reading that passage now I see the correlation and feel the same sentiments reflected between the two. This is an interpretation I didn’t see coming, but I love it.
You’re right about those clunky sentences. I said in a previous comment to Gord that I wrote it entirely spur-of-the-moment and haven’t tinkered with it much, so I appreciate that you see those same issues.
This really met me along the path as I read it today.
What works: You brought me in right away. I’m not sure if it is the commonality of the problem or just my personal situation but right away I was raising a hand and shouting “me too!” This then made your inclusion of me in the third paragraph, “We’ll meet in the middle” that much more compelling. Now I am there with you and we are striving together, sharing a meal.
What doesn’t work: the last paragraph isn’t necessary. I think I know exactly how you might be feeling in writing something like this because I’m a faith-based guy too. We get to the end of a poem and we know what we want to convey but we are afraid that it will be interpreted without God so we add something so that our intentions are clear. Maybe it’s the evangelist’s spirit that makes us do it but we find it difficult to trust the poetry itself to bring the reader to the knowledge of God’s activity so we state it instead. Perhaps I’m wrong but it sounds like what I have done for this reason in the past. What if, when we “look up at the canopy of stars:” we simply see something that expresses the sentiment of the last paragraph… maybe we’re holding hands as we look.
The center of the poem: The poem’s title suggests that “The Journey” is the center and I think the reader might catch the inference that it’s not the destination but the journey that matters. But for me the center is the destination. It is about working together to reconcile and leave a path for others (the bridge is built) by God’s strength.
Bethany I’m so glad Joe shared this with us. I hope you are encouraged and blessed by the comments and find impetus to write more. God be with you.
You’re totally right, Gord, although I have trouble with the idea of losing that last verse, because I think that’s when the language comes together best. This poem is in it’s early stages, written entirely spur-of-the-moment, so I feel I have a lot to work on in early verses as far as language and rhythm are concerned. But you interpreted correctly – I want that verse because I want people to feel God’s presence in it. I guess I need to make it less literal, right? Thanks for your critiques – they are indeed a blessing.
This really met me along the path as I read it today.
What works: You brought me in right away. I’m not sure if it is the commonality of the problem or just my personal situation but right away I was raising a hand and shouting “me too!” This then made your inclusion of me in the third paragraph, “We’ll meet in the middle” that much more compelling. Now I am there with you and we are striving together, sharing a meal.
What doesn’t work: the last paragraph isn’t necessary. I think I know exactly how you might be feeling in writing something like this because I’m a faith-based guy too. We get to the end of a poem and we know what we want to convey but we are afraid that it will be interpreted without God so we add something so that our intentions are clear. Maybe it’s the evangelist’s spirit that makes us do it but we find it difficult to trust the poetry itself to bring the reader to the knowledge of God’s activity so we state it instead. Perhaps I’m wrong but it sounds like what I have done for this reason in the past. What if, when we “look up at the canopy of stars:” we simply see something that expresses the sentiment of the last paragraph… maybe we’re holding hands as we look.
The center of the poem: The poem’s title suggests that “The Journey” is the center and I think the reader might catch the inference that it’s not the destination but the journey that matters. But for me the center is the destination. It is about working together to reconcile and leave a path for others (the bridge is built) by God’s strength.
Bethany I’m so glad Joe shared this with us. I hope you are encouraged and blessed by the comments and find impetus to write more. God be with you.
You’re totally right, Gord, although I have trouble with the idea of losing that last verse, because I think that’s when the language comes together best. This poem is in it’s early stages, written entirely spur-of-the-moment, so I feel I have a lot to work on in early verses as far as language and rhythm are concerned. But you interpreted correctly – I want that verse because I want people to feel God’s presence in it. I guess I need to make it less literal, right? Thanks for your critiques – they are indeed a blessing.
This comment is slightly off-topic, but I just wanted to say “thank you” for creating this blog and giving us creative types a place to hang out. I realize that I’m not the best when it comes to posting comments, but I enjoy having your blog posts forwarded to my in-box every day.
As for the poem, I enjoyed the third stanza. I also felt that this was the center (or “heart”) of the poem.
My only critique would be to have the author work on her “flow.” There are a few places where her choice of wording seems to bog down the poem a little. For instance, the last two lines of the first stanza. As I read the lines out loud, I stumbled over them. Also, the 6th line in the second stanza could use some tweaking.
I’m no poet (well not a very good one anyway), but I’ve always thought of poems as being like songs. The words should flow smoothly and have a pleasing rhythem.
Just my two cents worth!
~~ Reprieve26
Thanks Reprieve. You’re right, you need to comment more! Just kidding, but thanks for weighing in today. Good feedback.
that’s exactly what I want it to be like, Reprieve – a song. The rhythm definitely needs work and I’m always struggling to simplify my language, because I use more words when I should use less. Thank you for your thoughts!
This comment is slightly off-topic, but I just wanted to say “thank you” for creating this blog and giving us creative types a place to hang out. I realize that I’m not the best when it comes to posting comments, but I enjoy having your blog posts forwarded to my in-box every day.
As for the poem, I enjoyed the third stanza. I also felt that this was the center (or “heart”) of the poem.
My only critique would be to have the author work on her “flow.” There are a few places where her choice of wording seems to bog down the poem a little. For instance, the last two lines of the first stanza. As I read the lines out loud, I stumbled over them. Also, the 6th line in the second stanza could use some tweaking.
I’m no poet (well not a very good one anyway), but I’ve always thought of poems as being like songs. The words should flow smoothly and have a pleasing rhythem.
Just my two cents worth!
~~ Reprieve26
Thanks Reprieve. You’re right, you need to comment more! Just kidding, but thanks for weighing in today. Good feedback.
that’s exactly what I want it to be like, Reprieve – a song. The rhythm definitely needs work and I’m always struggling to simplify my language, because I use more words when I should use less. Thank you for your thoughts!
Alright. I’ll weigh in.
1. What works.
I love your action statements:
“I’m looking for big and small graces.”
“I want to move forward,”
“We’ll build one / out of found materials,”
“We’ll meet in the middle,”
“look up at the canopy of stars:”
I love those, the verbs especially. Looking, want, build, meet. Those are interesting to find in a poem.
2. What doesn’t work (for me).
This line confused me:
“We need no pity, only grace,
to say,
whatever we thought mattered-
it doesn’t after all these years.”
I can’t tell if you’re saying those things don’t matter and don’t need to be said, or if you should say them because of grace. Here’s one way to read it; take out the “no pity,” and you have, “we need only grace to say whatever we thought mattered.” Does that make sense to anyone else? I could be wrong, but it doesn’t make sense to me.
What is the “it” in this line, “At it’s end.” Is it “the journey’s end”? That would make sense, but it’s unclear to me.
And I agree with Gord that the last stanza is probably unnecessary. I love the “canopy of stars” line so much, it would be a powerful place to end. Ambiguous, maybe, but meaningful.
Alright. I’ll weigh in.
1. What works.
I love your action statements:
“I’m looking for big and small graces.”
“I want to move forward,”
“We’ll build one / out of found materials,”
“We’ll meet in the middle,”
“look up at the canopy of stars:”
I love those, the verbs especially. Looking, want, build, meet. Those are interesting to find in a poem.
2. What doesn’t work (for me).
This line confused me:
“We need no pity, only grace,
to say,
whatever we thought mattered-
it doesn’t after all these years.”
I can’t tell if you’re saying those things don’t matter and don’t need to be said, or if you should say them because of grace. Here’s one way to read it; take out the “no pity,” and you have, “we need only grace to say whatever we thought mattered.” Does that make sense to anyone else? I could be wrong, but it doesn’t make sense to me.
What is the “it” in this line, “At it’s end.” Is it “the journey’s end”? That would make sense, but it’s unclear to me.
And I agree with Gord that the last stanza is probably unnecessary. I love the “canopy of stars” line so much, it would be a powerful place to end. Ambiguous, maybe, but meaningful.
Hi Bethany!
Thanks so much for sharing yourself with us! I find poetry is uniquely difficult to share with others because it is taken from the lining of our souls.
So, being new to poetry myself, i offer my thoughts as a true novice:
1. what works:
the point at which i felt emotionally connected to your work was at “i want to move forward but i need a bridge.” as soon as i digested that line, i realized that you are trying to overcome something, so i went back and re-read the first few lines — then realized you are wanting to tackle something big! and then, i’m all in, rooting for you.
2. ideas:
FIRST: in my regular blog-style writing, i struggle to stay succinct. but my poems are extremely short. it’s like my mom said her grandma said when it came time for her to get dressed to go out with the boys: “you gotta leave something to the imagination, dearie!” If authors approach poetry in his way, we readers have more freedom to let the poem move us in the direction we need to go. so, in that vein…i wonder if economy of words could fit for your first paragraph. i love the lines “setting aside of resentments, a way to draw near.” this is very song-like, a beautiful flow. perhaps you could end the first paragraph here. In terms of what you’d be cutting out: you created the grace idea in the first line, so it might not hurt too bad to lose that thought. and the setting aside phrase from earlier perhaps is sufficient to cover the “whatever we thought mattered, doesn’t” (since they’re essentially synonomous thoughts).
SECOND: the title is perfect for what you are describing (see below). but i wonder, in an effort to be mysterious, if it might be fun to pick out something less direct. Perhaps some reference to the light or the meal or the canopy of stars –since those are your crescendo moments? on the other hand, sometimes it is nice to tell people straight out what they should be looking for in the indirect poem that is to come. in that case, you couldn’t have found a better fit.
3. the center:
for me it’s hard to say because i see an even process: you’re looking, you’re wanting, you’re building, you’re meeting, you’re shedding, and finally–you’re sharing a meal (presumably with the people who were driving you crazy in the first place).
i love it! there is honesty, hope, and direction here….a model for those of us in need of inspiration for loving well.
PERFECT for the holiday that’s upon us 🙂
Thanks again Bethany! I can’t wait to check out your blog. Kati
So true, Kati. Staying succinct is my problem. I generally begin a poem by just letting my first thoughts flow out onto the paper, and those are never succinct. Reigning them in with more specific language is definitely something to work on. Good thoughts! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I do think that first line is great though.
hey that’s a great idea for how to write poems. let a bunch of thoughts come out first, then whittle away once you see what you’ve got. trimming down is painful (i get so attached to certain phrases!) but adding to a finished thought can be impossible.
That’s true, Kati. That’s what I try to do.
Hi Bethany!
Thanks so much for sharing yourself with us! I find poetry is uniquely difficult to share with others because it is taken from the lining of our souls.
So, being new to poetry myself, i offer my thoughts as a true novice:
1. what works:
the point at which i felt emotionally connected to your work was at “i want to move forward but i need a bridge.” as soon as i digested that line, i realized that you are trying to overcome something, so i went back and re-read the first few lines — then realized you are wanting to tackle something big! and then, i’m all in, rooting for you.
2. ideas:
FIRST: in my regular blog-style writing, i struggle to stay succinct. but my poems are extremely short. it’s like my mom said her grandma said when it came time for her to get dressed to go out with the boys: “you gotta leave something to the imagination, dearie!” If we approach poetry in his way, we readers have more freedom to let the poem move us in the direction we need to go. so, in that vein…i wonder if economy of words could fit for your first paragraph. i love the lines “setting aside of resentments, a way to draw near.” this is very song-like, a beautiful flow. perhaps you could end the first paragraph here. In terms of what you’d be cutting out: you created the grace idea in the first line, so it might not hurt too bad to lose that thought and the setting aside phrase from earlier perhaps is sufficient to cover the “whatever we thought mattered, doesn’t” (since they’re essentially synonomous thoughts).
SECOND: the title is perfect for what you are describing (see below). but i wonder, in an effort to be mysterious, if it might be fun to pick out something less direct. Perhaps some reference to the light or the meal or the canopy of stars –since those are your crescendo moments? on the other hand, sometimes it is nice to tell people straight out what they should be looking for in the indirect poem that is to come. in that case, you couldn’t have found a better fit.
3. the center:
for me it’s hard to say because i see an even process: you’re looking, you’re wanting, you’re building, you’re meeting, you’re shedding, and finally–you’re sharing a meal (presumably with the people who were driving you crazy in the first place).
i love it! there is honesty, hope, and direction here….a model for those of us in need of inspiration for loving well.
PERFECT for the holiday that’s upon us 🙂
Thanks again Bethany! I can’t wait to check out your blog. Kati
So true, Kati. Staying succinct is my problem. I generally begin a poem by just letting my first thoughts flow out onto the paper, and those are never succinct. Reigning them in with more specific language is definitely something to work on. Good thoughts! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I do think that first line is great though.
hey that’s a great idea for how to write poems. let a bunch of thoughts come out first, then whittle away once you see what you’ve got. trimming down is painful (i get so attached to certain phrases!) but adding to a finished thought can be impossible.
That’s true, Kati. That’s what I try to do.
What works:
I like the moments where there is a rhyme. It gives a presumed end and sums up the lines before. I like how it is structured using terms like moving and bridges, meeting and middle.
What doesn’t work:
I find some line breaks both confusing and interesting. Sometimes you can use a line break to change the tempo of the poem, but other times the line break seems awkward. Try talking through the poem and see if the line breaks make sense rhythmically. Other times the line break seems to emphasizes a given word or phrase, but it is not consistent in its usage. If the line break is used at a given point in the paragraph, then it might seem more intentional.
The center of the poem:
The impression I get is of someone who is in the midst of change. They are hesitant on how to proceed and is looking to someone to help them along.
What works:
I like the moments where there is a rhyme. It gives a presumed end and sums up the lines before. I like how it is structured using terms like moving and bridges, meeting and middle.
What doesn’t work:
I find some line breaks both confusing and interesting. Sometimes you can use a line break to change the tempo of the poem, but other times the line break seems awkward. Try talking through the poem and see if the line breaks make sense rhythmically. Other times the line break seems to emphasizes a given word or phrase, but it is not consistent in its usage. If the line break is used at a given point in the paragraph, then it might seem more intentional.
The center of the poem:
The impression I get is of someone who is in the midst of change. They are hesitant on how to proceed and is looking to someone to help them along.
What publishing houses have you worked at, Joe? Where did you learn to be an editor? Your Number 1 best-selling book on Amazon, where is the publishing house located that published this Number 1 best-selling book? Just curious….
What works: This poem lead me where I believe she wanted me to go – Humanity of one another through appreciation in what we can share and thanking God for it!
1. It confused me.
2. I got lost.
3. The center of the poem is the author and the world revolves around her.
I really appreciated reading this article. I think too many people have reservations about critiquing which leave them feeling intimidated by the process. Breaking it down into bullet points like this illustrates that it’s not so intimidating after all!
I have shared the link to this with my peers at the Forage Poetry Forum as I feel it is worthwhile reading for all who want to get involved in critique but are afraid to do so.