The opportunity to offer criticism comes with undeserved power. As a critic, we put ourselves above the artist, providing our authoritative opinion on the artists work. The thing is, that's not what every writer needs to hear.
Ascending to this position feels good and costs us nothing. I think that is why we are so quick to do it. If you are like me, the second someone brings you their work, you feel an urge to tell them all the ways it can be improved, and you feel good about yourself while doing it.
But what if we rejected that feeling, took a different approach, and tamed the inner critic? What impact would that have on the artists in our lives?
What Every Writer Needs to Hear
Recently, I was sitting at my kitchen table, my face buried in my laptop, trying to figure out a promotion I wanted to run that month on a book, when my daughter said, “Excuse me, Daddy.” Looking up, I was greeted by her nervous twelve-year-old smile and hopeful eyes. She was clutching a notebook and rocking her weight from one foot to the next.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Um, I wrote this story,” she said, “and I was wondering if you would read it?”
The last thing I wanted to do was read her story. Please don’t think I’m a monster. I was working on a difficult problem and I had a deadline—an artificial deadline I had created that mattered to no one but me, but still, a deadline. The point is, I was busy and I didn’t believe I had time to read her notebook, so I mumbled something like, “Maybe later when I'm not in the middle of things.”
She looked at the ground and her smile was replaced by a line of disappointment. “Okay,” she said, and she turned to leave.
Recognizing that I was behaving like a monster, I caught her and said, “Okay, let me see it.”
The smile on her face and the bounce in her feet returned as she passed the notebook over and waited. The story was short, only eight handwritten pages. I read it quickly and immediately spotted multiple problems. Her beginning hook didn’t occur until deep into page two, she began the first paragraph world building—a short story no-no—and there was no appreciable change of character through the narrative. Quickly, I organized my feedback in my mind and decided which of these fatal flaws was the most important for her to hear.
But then I looked up and saw her expectant face and I put all my criticism down. Instead of offering all the criticism I had running through my brain, I said three things. These are three things I believe every writer needs to hear. In fact, they're not just for writers—these are great things to say to any creative in your life.
“I love that you finished a story. That’s amazing.”
Taking a blank page and turning it into a story is hard work. There is a reason writing is often referred to as “bleeding on paper.” The generation of something new from nothing costs the artist mentally and emotionally. Creatives put pieces of themselves on the page.
Sometimes, acknowledging this personal sacrifice is the most important thing we can do for the creative people in our lives.
“Can I read it?”
An eager audience is every creator's dream. We know about art because the creator has made it to be shared.
To ask a creator if you can experience their story will ignite a spark in the creator's heart. It provides for her evidence that she is not alone and that someone does care about her and what she does.
“What’s your favorite part?”
Rarely does the consumer see the work in the same way the creator sees it. In any story, there will inevitably be portions the writer poured herself into that the reader will not even notice.
When a creative finishes something, part of what they want to share is the story of their new work’s creation. Asking the creative what she loves about it will communicate that you want to hear what the creator has to say, that you want to know the journey she has gone through.
The Magic of Celebration
As I spoke these words to my daughter, I watched her come alive. She beamed when I applauded her accomplishment, she was thrilled that I wanted to read what she'd spent time working on, and she went on and on about how hard it was for her to get this small piece of dialog I'd completely missed to sound just right. After we'd talked, I thanked her for bringing me the story and she gave me a hug and then went off to write another.
When a creative presents her work to us, most of the time she isn’t looking for criticism. Making stories from a blank page is hard and emotionally taxing work. At the end of a project, the author has a desire to hold this new thing she has given birth to out to the world and say, “Look at what I made.”
She knows it’s not perfect. She knows it has problems. She knows it likely isn’t going to sell without a huge marketing push behind it.
But that's not the point.
What the creative really wants is for us to celebrate with her in the birth of this new thing.
What's the best thing someone's said to you after reading your writing? Let us know in the comments.
PRACTICE
For today's challenge, you have two choices.
First, find something a creative you know has made and publicly champion it. Tell them what every writer needs to hear: your words of support. Congratulate them for finishing it. If you have a platform, invite them to talk about it. At a minimum, write the creative a note in the comments of this article telling the creative you are proud of their work.
Or, be bold, take a risk, and publish your writing. You don't need a publishing company to share your work: post your writing on your blog, print a story out and share it with a friend, or share it right here, in the comments of this article. The point is to share your writing with the world, opening yourself up to possible criticism—but also the encouragement of a supportive, enthusiastic audience just waiting to celebrate your creative accomplishments.
Tell us about your experiences in the comments below, and let's encourage and celebrate one another!
Excellent article. I agree, I would love to hear those comments from the people I share my stories with. I think it is a good piece of advice to follow.
Gaines
Enjoyed and want to agree with your article. This is especially true of writers, seeing we’ve trained ourselves to find flaws. And you’re right, we can find them in a lot of writing. 🙂 Then it becomes a question, as it was with your daughter, how much to work on improving the writing and how much to simply build the writer’s confidence.
This really comes into play when we give a book review. I see books with five or six 5-star ratings that I wouldn’t bestow three stars on, so to each his own. But I’m not so far off base, either, as I read on and see that other readers mention the same flaws. Why bother saying, “too much description slows down the plot”? Because you hope the writer reads reviews and really wants to improve.
Not long ago I downloaded a free book from Amazon via a book group — likely Book Bub — called The Cat Came Back (The 9 Lives Cozy Mystery Series Book 1) by Louise Clark. It’s been awhile since I’ve read a new cozy book with writing this good. Very polished, terse, suspense maintained, characters and plot well developed. And the story’s set in Vancouver, so hurray for Canadian writers.
Female mystery writers tend to fall into the habit of creating arrogant and unbelievably in-your-face belligerent female protagonists — people I’d like to avoid in real life. The people in this story are all likeable and have some sense of morality.
The one issue: The cat came back. A murdered individual’s soul takes up residence in the family cat and speaks through mental telepathy of sorts. I don’t ever do paranormal. I don’t believe souls wander after death. So this is an issue — and yet in the story it’s low-key. It can be used as a lesson on what happens when people mess with drug dealers and criminals. You get offed.
Anyway, those are my thoughts on a good writer, a plot well done, with one “flaw.”
The Cat Came Back sounds great. Thanks for giving it a shout out.
One of my beta’s on the Novel I just completed, told me that they think this book would be a perfect Netflix Original Movie. 🙂 I had thought this, so it was fun to hear from an outsider too.
That’s a great thing to hear. Congrats.
There’s a lot of truth in your article and I too appreciate hearing people want to read what I have written…………warms the heart and makes up for all the time spent making corrections!
Well said. I love to hear positive remarks from other people who read my written work. I know that it has flaws but I still want positive feed back. I guess that is human nature.
On April 6, 2017, I responded to a writing prompt posted here. Fifteen minutes became several hours, and I completed the first half of a short story. I stopped writing when I realized I didn’t know where the story wanted to go. I haven’t done any more work on it because I’m still not sure what to do with it. With the encouragement of Option #2, I’m sharing it here. Perhaps someone’s comments will show the way forward.
The stop-and-go traffic on my way home from work was worse than usual, and it was almost six thirty when I reached the grocery store. After working through lunch – again! – I was ravenous. A quart of milk, then home for a mixing bowl full of rot-your-teeth-out breakfast cereal.
I drove around the parking lot for ten more minutes. Frustrated, I parked in a handicapped stall and “hobbled” inside. The smell of hot food hit me like a punch to the gut. Breakfast cereal? Not when there was meat to be had. I hurried to the deli. At that very moment, the clerk was setting out hot take-home trays of barbecued pork ribs, and the bakery had just-baked French bread for sale. I couldn’t believe my good fortune. I grabbed some ribs, a loaf of bread, and a large coleslaw and headed for the nearest cashier.
When I passed the newspaper rack, I saw it. A front-page picture of my next-door neighbor, Antonio Velasquez, in handcuffs, surrounded by ICE agents. I can’t describe the rage I felt, looking at that harmless, old man getting hauled off to jail. Seventy years old, a bald, stooping diabetic. Loves to garden. Fond of his cat. Not exactly a national security threat.
I grabbed the entire stack of newspapers, all ten of them, and dropped them into my shopping basket. Another ten minutes waiting in line. Back in the car, I broke the speed limit all the way home. Of course, Antonio wasn’t there when I arrived, but his two daughters, Emilia and Maria, were. They invited me in. I broke out the food, and we ate together while they told me what happened.
“Agents came to our father’s house during a neighborhood sweep,” Emilia said. “His neighbor, Consuela Hernandez, was frightened for him and called us both at work. I’m guessing they demanded identification, but he doesn’t have any with him. He gave up his driver’s license three years when he stopped driving. He doesn’t have a passport because his family in Mexico is either dead or living here. He’s got a state ID and naturalization papers, but he’s become so forgetful that Maria keeps them at her house so they don’t get lost.”
I could see where this was going. “And when he can’t produce his immigration papers, they accuse him of having a fake ID, arrest him, and haul him away.”
Emilia nodded. “We got to the house just as they were walking him to the car,” Maria said. “I ran toward my father, shouting ‘Papá,’ but an agent pulled his gun on me. He said if I didn’t get back, he’d arrest me, too. I told him our father was an American citizen. He ignored me. I told him Papá was diabetic and asked if they had his medicine, but he kept waving his gun and shouting ‘Get back!’”
“Do you know someone who could help us get our father out of jail?” Emilia asked.
“Yes, I know some excellent immigration lawyers, but it would be very expensive for you.”
She muttered something unintelligible in Spanish and stared at the rib bones on her plate. Whatever it was, Maria understood. She responded with a flood of plainly vituperous Spanish punctuated by throwing her napkin down on the table.
“I can help you,” I said. “If you want me to.”
“How much will you charge us?” Maria asked.
“For my time, nothing. Just the cost of filing and serving the motions for his release. I’d estimate about four hundred dollars, maybe five.”
Emilia nodded. “We can do that.”
“Did they say where they were taking him?”
“No,” Maria said.
“I’m guessing they took him to Tacoma. ICE contracts with a privately-owned detention center there. That may help us. What about your father’s medication?”
Emilia shook her head. “It’s still in his bedroom.”
“Okay. Gather it up, everything he needs. And find his naturalization papers, too.”
“I have them right here,” Maria said.
We stopped at my office on the way. Antonio’s daughters signed the representation agreement, and an hour later we were in Tacoma. At the gate, the guards demanded ID and ordered us out of the car while they searched it. The senior guard – the one with no neck – made a show of scrutinizing our driver’s licenses.
“Two Mexes, huh? Which one’s Uh-MEE-lee-uh?”
Emilia held up her hand.
“So, that makes you Maria. Feelin’ pretty tonight?” He laughed at his own joke.
Maria rolled her eyes.
“And the white lady” – he looked at my license again – is Maggie. Right?”
“Wrong. The white lady is Colonel Maggie Warburton, United States Army Judge Advocate General’s Corps Reserves. I’m an attorney.”
He laughed. “Prove it, bitch.”
I handed him my Army identification.
“How do I know this isn’t a fake?”
“Open the gate, or explain yourself to your boss.”
“Which boss would that be, little lady?”
I pulled my cellphone out of my purse and made a call. When it rang, I put it on speaker.
“Homeland Security, General Keith’s office.”
“Hi, Sue. This is Maggie. What are you doing at the office this time of night?”
“The General is very busy, and that makes me very busy, too. What can I do for you, Mags?”
“I’m at the ICE detention center in Tacoma. Some agents arrested a naturalized citizen this evening on suspicion of being undocumented. He’s an old man, a diabetic. They took him in without his meds. I’m at the front gate with his daughters, and the guards are hassling us. One of them claims my JAG ID is fake.”
“Oh, dear. I’ll put him on.”
I flipped on the speaker and smiled pleasantly at the guard while we waited.
“Maggie! Is that son-of-a-bitch there?
Tiny beads of sweat appeared on No-Neck’s forehead.
“Yes, John, he is. And he can hear you.”
“This is General Keith, you tin-star asshole. When an Army colonel tells you to open the gate, you do it. Now apologize to the lady.”
“Yes, sir.” No-Neck stared at the ground. “I’m sorry, ma’am. It won’t happen again.”
“Thank you. How about another one for each of my clients?”
The guard apologized to Emilia, then Maria. When he finished, the general spoke.
“Now, mister, call the office and tell them they’re to treat Colonel Warburton as if she were a member of my staff. I also want the names of the agents who arrested that American citizen. We have enough problems here without yahoos like you getting in the way. You’re your supervisor that if anybody fouls this up, I’ll have you all up on charges. Understood?”
“Yes, sir! Understood.”
“Anything else you need, Maggie?”
“Yes. Give my love to my sister.”
“Sure will. And get back here soon. We miss you.”
“I will, John. Thanks for your help. Bye.”
“’Night, Maggie.”
Without a word, No-Neck saluted and opened the gates. As we got back into the car, I heard him phoning in General Kelly’s orders.
Two security officers met us at the door, and after the routine purse inspection and metal detector, one of them escorted us to the main office. At the front desk, a balding, heavyset man watched a football game on the wall-mounted television.
“Harris, these are the people Jackson called about. I’ll be out front.”
We waited until the next commercial came on before Harris turned around. When he did, he blanched. I smiled to myself as the battle for what to do played out on his face – confusion, indecision, and then determination. He came out swinging.
“Well, well, well. It’s Colonel Madsen. This time I can tell you to go to hell without spending more time in the stockade. Whatever it is, Colonel, I ain’t got the time. Got a VIP coming in.
“Hello to you, too, Sergeant. Would that VIP happen to be Colonel Maggie Warburton?”
His eyes widened in surprise. “Yeah. How did you know?”
“I’m Colonel Warburton.”
“What the…!”
“Save it, Harris. Your employer already has a lot to answer for. Do you really want me to become curious enough to look into how a crook like you landed a cushy job like this?”
Harris glared at me, but said nothing.
“Smart call. I’m Antonio Velasquez’s lawyer, and these are his daughters. Get the supervisor on the horn. Tell him to bring Mr. Velasquez here. The man’s an American citizen. I have his naturalization papers – and his medication.”
Harris hesitated.
“I getting more curious all the time, Harris.”
He made the call.
This is a great story. I like your description and dialogue. Maybe finding the continuing thread is a matter of asking some questions. What does the father look like when he’s brought out? What are his daughters’ responses? You could perhaps write a few possible endings and work toward the one that most appeals to you. I don’t know if I’ve offered anything useful. I can relate to how frustrating this must feel for you as I’m experiencing the same stuckness with my novel. I wish you the best as you continue to write.
Awesome story. It really grabbed my interest. At first, your protagonist seemed so ordinary — just an everyday person. Then in the crisis moment, you reveal she’s “Colonel Maggie Warburton, United States Army Judge Advocate General’s Corps Reserves.” That really packed a punch. Great twist. I seems like your story needs to head towards an “all is lost moment.” Joe Bunting talks about this in his recent article https://thewritepractice.com/literary-crisis/?hvid=4Y2ra3. He refers to the Story Grid. The struggle becomes increasingly more difficult until it seems like all is lost. Perhaps the diabetic state of the father can move into a life or death moment. Have the reader wonder if anything can save him. Or maybe an immoral officer who outranks Maggie enters the picture and now she has to overcome him. The movie A Few Good Men had this theme.
Your crisis would be either having to decide between two bad choices or two good choices (neither of which is ideal, either way, you stand to lose something.) Like Billie suggested, maybe ask yourself some questions. In addition to her questions, what is the theme of your story? Is it something like Injustices will be righted? Or good prevails over evil? Does Maggie have a character flaw she must overcome in order to solve the crisis? If you get a clearer idea of your message, sometimes ideas start flowing on how to resolve the story.
This is a very true point your making my teacher, loved to read my poetry I have never shared it I hope to share it here at some point it would be nice to have feedback on it i do get scared sometimes when posting something public
Jeff, what a compassionate and uplifting post. I felt empowered as I read your words. We work in solitude and receive negative feedback on a regular basis. Hearing words of encouragement and support goes a long way. The man who delivers water to me always asks how my writing is coming along and wants to read a short story I’m working on. His interest works wonders on my spirit and confidence as a writer. I’m going to remember this when I’m offering feedback to my writing group and to my writing buddy. Thank you.
Well I write on a site and someone there said my writing was awful, it wasn’t as depressing to here it as much I thought it would be infact I was frustrated at how she trashed my work while everyone other then her said it was good. So I just thought maybe it wasn’t her type of story.
What a great story Jeff.a good reminder to treat our fellows the way we would treat our eager creative child. I’ll remember this!
A trainer once challenged a group to critique performances finding three things we liked…and then another three things we liked. Everyone doing it already knew their work’s flaws, it was the highlights that needed the feedback.
Worth thinking about…
-Sef
Here is something I noticed at Amazon that fits. you said, “As a critic, we put ourselves above the artist, providing our authoritative opinion on the artist’s work.” That is so true, especially in the customer book reviews. I have seen a lot of people trash authors in a horrible way. The thing is, some of those people have never written a book. Or if they did, the sales were minimal, to say the least. Even STEPHEN KING get trashed!! There is always that two or three percent!! It’s Amazing.
If I read something that absolutely bores me in one paragraph or I do not like, I simply move on to something else. With some authors, it is simply a question of the gene. Sometimes I don’t care for the genre, but sometimes there are still some good things I can point out. I don’t BS either. If a part was good, I will mention it. It helps them learn their strengths if other may say it too. I also really don’t expect writers of other Genres to necessary appreciate me either. I think that at The Write
practice, we are all mature enough to just move on if there is nothing nice to say. It takes a low person to spend so much time writing nasty things!
Here
is something I noticed at Amazon that fits. you said, “As a critic, we put ourselves above the artist, providing our authoritative opinion on the artist’s work.” That is so true, especially in the customer book reviews. I have seen a lot of people trash authors in a horrible way. The thing is, some of those people have never written a book. Or if they did, the sales were minimal, to say the least. Even STEPHEN KING gets trashed with one star reviews!! There is always that two or three percent!! It’s Amazing.
If I read something that absolutely bores me in one paragraph or I do not like, I simply move on to something else. With some authors, it is simply a question of the gene. Sometimes I don’t care for the genre, but sometimes there are still some good things I can point out. I don’t BS either. If a part was good, I will mention it. It helps them learn their strengths if other may say it too. I also really don’t expect writers of other Genres to necessary appreciate me either. I think that at The Write
Practice, we are all mature enough to just move on if there is nothing nice to say. It takes a low person to spend so much time writing nasty things!
Here is something I noticed at Amazon that fits. you said, “As a critic, we put ourselves above the artist, providing our authoritative opinion on the artist’s work.” That is so true, especially in the customer book reviews. I have seen a lot of people trash authors in a horrible way. The thing is, some of those people have never written a book. Or if they did, the sales were minimal, to say the least. Even STEPHEN KING gets trashed!! There is always that two or three percent!! It’s Amazing.
If I read something that absolutely bores me in one paragraph or I do not like, I simply move on to something else. With some authors, it is simply a question of the gene. Sometimes I don’t care for the genre, but sometimes there are still some good things I can point out. I don’t BS either. If a part was good, I will mention it. It helps them learn their strengths if other may say it too. I also really don’t expect writers of other genres to necessary appreciate me either. I think that at The Write
Practice, we are all mature enough to just move on if there is nothing nice to say. It takes a low person to spend so much time writing nasty things!
This is a great article that empowered my creativity. I’m sure that if we all learn to change our approach towards a writer, we create authors. So, thank you, Jeff!
I live in the South and you hear the expression “touched my heart” a lot here. So, I have to say, your story really touched my heart, and I sincerely mean that. People often mistakenly think that pointing out every noticeable flaw is helpful. Yet, all too often, it crushes the creative spark that was about to blossom and grow. How wise of you to encourage your daughter the way you did. It’s so much better to shine the light on her muse, inspiration or whatever name you want to call it. Let that creative little creature spread its wings and soar. Once she’s confident about being able to write a story, there’s plenty of time to show her how she can make it even better. And with the right timing, she’ll welcome the suggestions.
And I agree with the other posts, suggestions for improvement should always be offered in gentle and kind ways.
I remember when my uncle decided to teach my cousin and I how to play tennis. He bought us new rackets and balls — and we were elated. I was about 12 and my cousin was eight. We swatted our rackets with gusto, missing balls left and right. When we hit the ball, we did a victory dance. Within minutes my uncle began correcting how we held the racket, how our hands should wrap around it just so, and how the swing should look like this, and the angle and physics involved boiled down to…blah, blah, blah…and on and on. He never stopped correcting, and every move we made was subject to correction. It was years before I touched a tennis racket again, and I made sure I never did it in his presence. He was well intended, but his method was stifling. And we’ve all had these “helpful” moments. Often we do it ourselves. The arrogant instructor in us surfaces. Pontification takes over and we don’t consider the other person’s viewpoint for even a nanosecond.
Your story actually made teary. 🙂
Such wise fathering and great mentoring, Jeff. Thanks so much for sharing this. It’s universally applicable to so much more than just writing.
Jeff, your post had positive energy seeping through your words :).
I think feedback should have both positive and ‘negative’ parts.
If your feedback is only positive, that person won’t learn of their unsavoury parts and will continue to make the same mistakes. To be flawed is to be human after all.
If your feedback is only ‘negative’, that person won’t learn of their savoury parts and won’t capitalise on their strengths. It might even be downright insulting if badly worded.
Yes, there will be stories that you’ll like/dislike more then others, but that’s not a bad thing as long as you communicate your opinion well. Speaking of which, two things to keep in mind:
1. The feedback is for them, not you.
We all get that urge to speak our mind on a certain subject, and I get that; I’m doing it right now. But if the receiver of the feedback doesn’t learn anything, then it’s no longer feedback.
Try to be more selfless with feedback; they’ll thank you for it.
2. It’s about the creation, not the person
This is all about word choice. You want your criticism to be directed at the work and not on the person; you are flawed vs your work is flawed.
This distinction seems small, but it makes or breaks even marriages, so it’s bound to be useful in feedback (for all you skeptics out there, go look up John Gottman The Four Horsemen).
I hope someone got something out of my stream of consciousness. If not, tell me; don’t hold back ;).
more is on the way
https://www.wattpad.com/422825371-my-uptown-girl
This post is great and I may say that understand pretty well about what the author is speaking about. I’m a essay writer at https://essayvikings.com/chemistry-papers . And often I hear such bitter phrases from different people about my creations. It really hearts.
This was very touching and beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Your response to her was absolutely the right way to respond. I was surprised at myself to find that these are EXACTLY the things I would want to hear from someone else. But, because not everyone realizes that, it is not very likely to be the response from anyone I share my writing with. Which I realize is the reason I am reluctant to share my work. I will share this post along with my work next time.