Every once in awhile, I go to Amazon.com and read the reviews for my books. And most often, they are positive and encouraging. Recently, however, someone needed to get this off her mind about my picture book, I Love You So…”:
This is a book mass produced to rip off parents and grandparents who want to tell a child s/he is loved. The text is cheesy, repetitive, like straight out of a Hallmark card, only less original. Please save your money.
www.personalexcellence.co
Truthfully, however, if we're writing for human consumption, we need to accept that some won't like our writing, our style, our topic, our work. It's a momentary sting to the soul for sure, but don't let it de-rail you from your passion and prose.
How to Handle a Negative Review of your Work
As the quote above surmises, if you want to avoid criticism, then you may as well lock yourself in a closet. If you're going to play in the public arena, however, you need to steel yourself for the inevitable sting of negativity. Here's how I handle it.
1. Accept it as part of the Craft.
That's right. In the same way you accept (even anticipate) writer's block and rejection letters, you can expect criticism. And the wider your reach, the more there will be. Re-frame criticism as proof that you're getting out there and revel in the reality that your work is worthy of garnering a reaction, good or bad. Criticism means you are not appealing to a certain type of reader. If this is balanced by praise from others, then feel affirmed that you indeed stand for a particular point of view!
2. Ponder it for Truth.
After we get over the first “ugh,” of a negative comment, ponder it for any pearls of wisdom. I have always been more comfortable in my role of writer versus artist and frankly, feel less confident as illustrator. A couple years back, a veteran buyer from Barnes and Noble commented that my artwork seemed “hurried.” I bristled at the statement, but knew, deep down, she was sensing something I needed to heed.
3. Consider the Source.
There are gripers out there. The people who put a note in every suggestion box. Write letters to the editor. They simply need to be heard. Do they impact your success in a direct way? If not, let it go. If, however, the person offering critique is a buyer, editor, agent, bookstore owner or other industry player, then you may want to explore things further. Engage them. Ask for input or advice. Learn. Partake of their professional wisdom.
How thick is your skin?
PRACTICE
Share how a criticism you received was helpful or hurtful? Did it stop you cold or spur you on? Any other advice for handling this reality of a writer's world? Let's encourage each other today.
I showed my blog to a new friend a few weeks ago. After reviewing a few posts, he let me know that he didn’t think there was a whole lot of “new information” on the blog. My reaction was a little defensive as you might expect. But, my criticizer put his critique in context by reminding me that he was very familiar with the advice for writers and intellectuals that I blog about. Phew!
Your take away was spot on — to him there may not have been much new. To 99% of others not immersed in the writing world – your blog will be much more helpful!
Thanks!
I still have a few places on me that are not as thick as they should be. But sometimes I think that may be a good thing. Before you throw eggs ( which I like scrambled by the way) let me explain: I think having a thick skin is a good thing but if it gets too thick I might not be able to feel anymore. I may get too cocky for my own good. I write because I love to write, and while I want everyone to buy and enjoy my books if I’m genuinely doing something wrong I wanna know about it. So a soft spot is good as long as it is surrounded by protective skin.
Nicely said. How about thick but porous? 😉
This is an interesting topic. Sometimes I think that people get upset for the wrong reasons when dealing with negative criticism. Also, I believe that seeing said criticism in writing makes it harder to swallow. The truth however is in a far grayer area. No one is a perfect writer but we all strive to become better and criticism good or bad can help if we make a choice to let it. Far too often we take it as an assault and ignore it completely. I have to understand that the world is full of people who can’t express their ideas properly or as in the case of the review above – may be paid to do it intentionally. I’ll probably never know what’s really going through another persons mind, so I can ignore that. My focus always needs to be on improving my writing and having joy in my craft. Anything else is going to drag me down and cause hurt feelings. So, my rule of thumb is that if something is negative or positive, i give it a few minuets for “feeling”, see if there is something i can learn, and move forward. Personally, i learn a lot with that method and lead a happy life.
Have a happy writing day.
I received criticism on a very edgy and gritty poem I’d written about Bleecker Street NYC.
My poem was meant to be jazzy and reminiscent of Allen Ginsberg. The critique was more of an assault filled with moral judgment on the poem’s content. The reviewer felt that, in the absence of beauty as defined by Plato, it held no artistic merit. This was the best review out of the many I’d received. LOL
Sometimes no comment at all is the most disturbing reaction to what is written. In our writing group we try to find something positive to start the critique, then move to “suggest” a change or different approach, always stating that changes are in the author’s hands. It can be difficult for an author to remain silent and listen to the critique rather than explain or make excuses. But we all try!
No comment is disturbing – yes, for two quite different reasons I can think of. In the context you’ve described (a supposedly supportive writing group) silence can only mean (or so it seems) that the person can’t think of anything nice, AT ALL, to say, and has therefore been reduced to silence. It’s much the same as if they’ve said “This is such awful rubbish I can find no redeeming feature!”
In another context, it drives me nuts when I put a large complex piece of writing (either fiction or non-fiction) into someone’s hands for feedback, and they just come back with “that’s fine” or similar. I KNOW it can be improved, that’s why I asked for feedback, but the person can’t or won’t say anything helpful.
Silence, to me, also conveys that whatever I offered wasn’t even interesting enough to comment on. I would almost prefer negative feedback! That I can work on, at least. But silence leads to so much second-guessing. Is it boring? Is it terrible? Is it too ordinary? I don’t know unless someone says something!
I have a very nasty perfectionist complex connected to my work, so I have a hard time with criticism – not in that I want to correct people if they don’t like something, but that even the friendliest, most useful crit will turn me into a shaking, almost-crying wreck – when it’s words on a screen. That I haven’t read yet. Just anticipating it is horrible. I’m working on it, but it’s discouraging that the reactions I’ve gotten from people when I talk about it have either been (a) ‘grow a thicker skin!’ because yes, I’m trying but it doesn’t seem to be working yet; (b) ‘you should feel that way because your stories are your precious children!’, because… just, no, mom, thanks but no and (c) ‘I have that too’, upon which I and the other person usually sit around gloomily for a while because they have no idea what to do about it either.
Now, I’m still a teenager, so hopefully my overall instability is a contributing factor and it will improve as I get older; meanwhile, I’ve just tried either sharing with people who can put up with me crying from nervousness, or sharing little by little things I know are very fluid works in progress, so I have the defense of thinking ‘It’s ok, most of it is going to change anyway’.
Recently I asked someone if they would like to read my book which had already been edited. Mainly, since she asked how she could help me, I was thinking of a review once the book hits Amazon. She responded she did not have time to read it but did scan it. Then she proceeded to list all the things wrong. You asked if criticisms spur us on, or leave us cold. At first I was stunned. Especially since was the first comment of that nature for this book. So what do you do when it stops you cold??
Hi Anne. Who was the person who read it? I, for one, could not take to heart someone’s response to me who didn’t sit with my work and offer a thought-full comment. To scan something and throw out criticism is a very poor reflection on her, not you. I would respond something like, “Wow, you seem to see a lot of areas for improvement in my writing. I am going to seek out some other opinions to see if they mirror what you are saying.” And then run like hell from her. 🙂 In all seriousness, listen between her poor presentation for anything that has merit. If so, seek a second opinion from a trusted and seasoned writer.
Marianne,
Thanks for your response. I also need to be clearer on what I wanted, although I thought I did say I did not need an edit. You gave me great advice, thanks.
I wrote a travel piece for one of the budget airlines in Southeast Asia. It was my first, and to be fair I did tell the editor I was an amateur. I even sent him my blogs to manage his expectation. He gave me no angles, no theme and no guide– he asked me to just write. Long story short, after I sent in my story, I got a barrage of complains and negativity that were in no way constructive. That kinda undid me for more than a week. I even contemplated giving up writing. Disappointment somehow turned into some kinda energy. Instead of letting this editor decide for me, I signed up for a writing course to hone my craft. I am happy with my progress.
Awesome! Love how you used those comments to better yourself. What a great life lesson.
I’ve always been real shy about letting people read what I’ve written. A few years back, I joined a writing site and posted the first chapter of a story that I was (at the time) rather proud of. It was definitely my best up to that date, and I was quite excited about positing it. Well, I wait and wait for a comment, and finally I get one. But … it’s just someone telling me that a horse wouldn’t be able to carry two grown men and that she’s worked with horses, etc. so she ought to know. That was it, not a single thing about anything else, and the criticism was for an extremely minor part of the chapter. That really just sort of crushed me (I was only fifteen, for heaven’s sake!) and I said ‘Phooey on it. I’m not posting anymore of this story anywhere.’ And I didn’t. I think I eventually took down that chapter and the next one that I’d posted before I got that comment.
I wouldn’t say that I take criticism badly, as a general rule. In fact, on most anything that I post I invite constructive criticism from the readers. But when someone just sort of says, “Here’s what you did wrong, end of story.” It’s hard for me to take it as them trying to help me out, and it’s more like them saying, “You idiot. Why are you even writing if you can’t get this right?”
But even then, when I got that comment, I took it and used it. It’s just the way it was said that gets me 🙂
I think it’s such a shame when one person’s (ONE person) comment can get us to second-guess our passion or even prevent us from moving forward. That’s when we need to re-center ourselves, let their dumb comments bounce off of us, and keep on keeping on. Sometimes it helps to actually visualize this process… watching negativity fall away from you, leaving you in tact.
Hear, hear! My motto is, join the duck brigade!! (read: thick oily skin)
My advice would be to find a critique partner who is sympathetic to your writing, some of these writing groups have lurkers who’s main goal in life appears to be tearing others to shreds. If someone does pull you up on a point that you’re uncertain of, google the disputed fact before taking it as gospel. Because while a horse might not win a race carrying two grown men, they’re certainly capable of doing so.
How rude to scan not read? How absurd you care for opinion of someone that cares not for your work? Yes critiscm can serve as catalyst for betterment, so too, can it deplete vitality and force a writer in to false belief. I would not take seriously feedback via lackadaisical scanner nor would I give them the time it would take to thank them for nothing. There is always room for improvement. Make no space for apathetic audience.
Thanks for your thoughts Tina!
I still remember the first criticism of my work and, thinking back, I can still feel the sense memory of how I reacted. It really affected me!
I took my first adult writing class several years ago. I actually liked the group of people, about 8 of us, ranging in ages from 25 – 70. The difference in age and race made for some really interesting stories.
The bad thing about the class was the teacher. He’d have us write a story each week, and then we’d critique each other. The problem was, the teacher provided absolutely zero input. The class was his way to sit back and just make money with minimal effort.
With a bunch of new writers, you can probably imagine how each class went: we’d spend the entire time praising each other, because, being inexperienced, none of us felt we had the right to offer criticism.
That is, until I read one of my stories several weeks in.
I wrote a little piece about a man’s perspective on an anniversary dinner, and then switched to his girlfriend’s for the second half. I was pretty proud of the story and, when I finished, the usual praise came flooding in.
Then one woman spoke up, saying she loved the first half because she really understood the boyfriend and why he acted the way he did. She when on to say, however, that she hated the second half, because I didn’t reveal the girlfriend’s character.
I think I went through all the stages of grief on that one, LOL. At first, I denied her, thinking, “My stories are way better than hers.” Then I was mad that, of all the people to get called out, I was the first. And it was really embarrassing. I don’t think I necessarily bargained after that, but I did feel a sense of depression. I began telling myself, “If I’m the only person who gets criticized, then maybe I’m the worst writer here.”
Later that night, though, I began to read through that story, over and over. Seeing it through different lenses, I suddenly realized she was absolutely right. I really “got” the boyfriend, but never spent time getting to know the girlfriend, and her portrayal did come off as shallow and unexplored.
Since then, I’ve really worked on taking constructive criticism. I actually want to send that woman a card now, thanking her, LOL.
Sounds like you learned a lot from the experience. I find that it’s so much in one’s delivery of the criticism. To tell you she “hated” the second half? Seems her delivery could use some work! LOL. I think there’s another post about how to helpfully deliver criticism!
I agree that with reviews you have to consider the source. I read a review on my first novel where the reader didn’t care for the book, which was fine. The review left both me and my husband scratching our heads though. It seemed she decided she wasn’t going to like it and had to look hard to find something wrong. She still gave it 3 stars.
I disagree about engaging reviewers for any reason. I’ve read too many stories about authors with that approach where the reviewer turned on them and it spread to abuse from others. The only time I say anything about a review is if the reviewer emails me about not caring for one of my books. I reply back with a “thank you for an honest review” and leave it at that.
Good point Susan!
On a couple of occasions I received pretty substantial critiques on writing prompts–what amounted to free-writing. (I refer to them as “gumball” pieces cos my fingers write whatever “flavor/color” words or subject my brain sends down the shoot!) I didn’t really expect those sort of pieces to be criticized in any serious fashion as they were basically warm-up stuff.
I’m embarrassed to admit that I took the comments SO seriously, I could barely write a word for weeks (literally) afterward. I felt like my incompetence with words had been “outed”….that of course these folks knew what they were talking about and of course I should just admit that I stink as a writer…blah blah blah. All the negative self-talk. The strange thing is, it’s my own insecurities about my ability with words made the critiques WAY more damaging than they were intended. Not believing in myself gave their criticism SO much credit, so much power!
Sometimes, we can be our own worst enemy, you know? You can bet I’ll be re-reading today’s post!
I hear ya! Every time someone critiques my art, I feel it WAY deeper because it’s my own personal weak point. I feel more confident in my writing, so when people bash that, I can better let it roll. Hard to believe people felt free to criticize free writing. When I took a writing class, part of the culture of the class was that the environment needed to stay positive. We could offer suggestions but needed to keep it encouraging.
Recently had a reader tell me my story was completely self-centered from the main character’s POV; said character being a thinly disguised version of myself, that stung, and I’m sure others would agree with her. What I’m having to look at is, I need to get inside the heads of the other characters whose outlooks, motivations and actions I may dislike, to write from their POV as well. That’s one of the difficult parts of writing for me personally. Jane Austen did that well in Pride and Prejudice imo.
I think that’s part of how we grow as individuals and writers. By trying to understand another’s POV and thinking. Have empathy for how someone else would respond to a situation even if we don’t agree.
My skin is paper-thin, and that’s one reason I hardly ever attempt something unless I know that I will succeed. Much of my life I have locked myself in that proverbial closet, avoiding criticism except when it was forced on me. I relish people’s praise, but the instant they are––shall we say––less than encouraging, it knocks me to the ground and I have to pick myself up. This is why I’ve never shown my complete novel to anyone, and the only person to read much of it has been my best friend.
I hope that recognizing this is going to take me in a new direction, emboldening me to actually try things I’m not good at with the chance that I could succeed, even if I risk failure.
Abigail, your honesty is admirable. Criticism is a part of life and when we can get to the root of why it unhooks us so — we go a long way to being able to better handle it. Is it fear of failure? Fear of not being liked? It’s helpful, too, when we realize that people’s opinions are being informed by who THEY are, their preferences, etc. I do hope this emboldens you to keep moving forward!
Rejection goes with life. And criticism should be the lifeblood of a writer. As Mark Twain might have said: ‘A writer who offends nobody has nothing to say’. If we don’t challenge our reader, we might as well stop writing… because nobody has heard us. (Is there anybody out there? :))
Since you didn’t specify that the critique had to be on writing, and I’ve never gotten any real critiquing due to an extreme case of self-consciousness when it comes to my work, I’m going to so something a little different:
“You’re leaning too far *back*!” Cara Williams screamed across the arena. I struggled to make out the words through the fuzzy snap and crackle of the speakers as it transmitted her voice and my own laboured breathing. Scowling, I leaned forward farther on my horse, Sophia, struggling to maintain my smooth, loose sitting trot in the unfamiliar position. Sophie stiffened at the minuscule change, as unaccustomed to it as I was, and I held briefly with my outside rein, nudging her with my inside heel until she relaxed back into the bridle and came over her back again.
“More,” the clinician yelled, her tone irritated. I did as I was told, keeping Sophie round through the transition this time as I learned from my mistakes.
“Your position is horrible. How do you expect to ride this horse if you can’t sit on it straight?” Cara snapped impatiently, and I sighed in exasperation as I trotted down the long side of the arena, struggled to hold Sophia’s haunches from swinging in and her shoulder from popping out at the same time, along with keeping the reins light enough to stop her from leaning on the contact *too* much, and hold them enough to stop her from getting strung out. I did something technical automatically that had something to do with the force of my seat, a twitch of my outside rein, a wiggle of the inside one, and a subtle push of the legs to keep Sophie energetic and popping upwards.
I wanted to yell right back at her that it’s not easy to do all this in a new arena, where the horse is scared, *and* try to do something so majorly different with my seat. I wanted to tell her that my seat was just fine, and I’d been getting along fine up until now, thank you very much.
I didn’t though. I gritted my teeth and sternly reminded myself that I was here to learn, and that although I was a good rider, Cara was an Olympic coach, and she undoubtedly knew better than I did how to sit on a horse to make it work. It wasn’t easy to accept; I wasn’t proud of much, but I was proud of my riding. When you have people all around you prouder than you are of yourself, constantly telling you how amazing you are, it doesn’t matter how modest you are or humble you try to remain, it starts to rub off.
Painstakingly, I leaned forward, working furiously to keep my horse from balking at the change, shifting my legs back so that my ankle was aligned with my hip. I concentrated furiously as I struggled to maintain the smoothness of the sitting trot, but I was doing it, and Soph was settling into it, too. It was hard for me, but I could get used to it.
“What are you doing?” the woman screeched at me. “What did I say to do on that longside? I didn’t say go straight!”
In my intense focus, I hadn’t heard her command. I nearly groaned, knowing I was in for a very long, painful rant for this mistake.
Why did I do this to myself?
~~
Sorry if no one understands that… Lots of dressage-language XD
When considering the source and prior to contacting the person to open dialogue in hopes of learning from them, I’ve tried to track their past behaviors. What I’ve learned is the majority of people who leave negative comments do so regularly.
I’ve also learned those are not the people to speak with. Especially if you are replying to a comment for the world to see. It just gives them another chance to take a jab at you and they rarely miss the opportunity.
I’ve been on the receiving end of those people. It wasn’t fun.