Sometimes you just have to say, “Rules? No no no, screw rules. I’m not following any rules.”
Recently, our copy editor Liz wrote a great post about Why You Need to be Using the Oxford Comma. Liz is a grammar girl. She eats commas and em dashes for breakfast.
I, however, am all about stretching the rules of grammar to meet my own needs.
Are You Too Cool for the Oxford Comma? Because I Am.
One time, Liz was looking over something of mine and said, “So you're too cool for the Oxford comma, huh?”
“What the heck is an Oxford comma?” I said.
“The Oxford comma is the comma before the ‘and' in a list.”
“Then yes, I am too cool for it.”
If the Oxford comma is a prepster in chinos and a green LaCoste polo, I'm a hipster in a dirty flannel shirt and skinny jeans. If the Oxford comma is, in fact, Oxford, I'm the year you took off college to go chill with some Maasai in Kenya. If the Oxford comma is a MacBook Pro, I'm that manual typewriter you got at a yard sale that everyone sees and asks, “Is that a real typewriter? Can I try it?”
Three Reasons to Reject the Oxford Comma
Who needs the Oxford comma? Shoot who needs commas in general?
Commas are ugly (they look kind of like sperm).
, (See)
Commas are overused.
Commas are really just strange little squigglies. They are distractions from your real purpose: words.
Examples of Writers Saying No to the Oxford Comma
Watch Cormac McCarthy, another rule breaker, show the comma who's boss:
They dumped out the wooden coffeebox on the floor and kicked through his clothes and his shaving things and they turned the mattress over in the floor. They were dressed in greasy and blackened khaki uniforms and they smelled of sweat and woodsmoke.
See the utter lack of commas (or really much punctuation at all)? I plucked this out of a random page in All the Pretty Horses. I like McCarthy because he's a rule breaker. He's way too cool for the Oxford comma.
Gertrude Stein had this bomb to drop on the comma in her book On Punctuation:
The comma, well at the most a comma is a poor period that lets you stop and take a breath but if you want to take a breath you ought to know yourself that you want to take a breath. It is not like stopping altogether has something to do with going on, but taking a breath well you are always taking a breath and why emphasize one breath rather than another breath. Anyway that is the way I felt about it and I felt that about it very very strongly. And so I almost never used a comma.
Gertrude Stein is awesome and so is not using commas, especially pretentious Oxford commas. Enough said.
Are you a grammarphile? Check out our free tutorial Grammar 101 and become the life of every party… well, maybe not, but at least you'll be a better writer.
How about you? Are you on Team Oxford comma?
PRACTICE
Break some rules and practice making lists without the Oxford comma. List the items on your coffee table and then the items in your room. Like this:
There is a mess of books, a replica of the Eiffel Tower, a coffee cup from yesterday and a teal typewriter.
Then, show commas who's the boss altogether by interacting with those objects like Cormac McCarthy. I'll give you an example:
He got up and picked up the cup and he took a sip and he went to the trash and threw the cup away and he sat down.
Got it? Use the timer to write for fifteen minutes.
Happy practicing!
Nice. I’m guilty of being either comma happy or comma deficient. I never seem to find the happy comma balance. 🙂
Nice. I’m guilty of being either comma happy or comma deficient. I never seem to find the happy comma balance. 🙂
Commas are like street signs, you can drive without them, but most of the time it helps speed you on your way. I like commas, periods, and even semicolons;
try it without the oh-so preppy grammar:
Commas are like street signs you can drive without them but most of the time it helps speed you on your way I like commas periods and even semicolons
without the comma, you’d have me driving street signs
Hah! Great example, Seth. Admittedly, though, I use the comma WAY too much. I appreciate the challenge, Joe. I hear you saying that, while we need street signs, we don’t need to be riding the break, playing it safe, everywhere we go.
Way to take the metaphor to the next level Jeff. That’s kind of what I’m saying. Even more, what (I think) I’m saying is this: what if there were no street signs. How would that change how you look at driving?
What if you tried not using commas? At all. How would that change the way you look at writing?
It would be a good exercise but not an ideal to follow.
Exactly.
You’re absolutely right.
But sometimes, a writer needs to drive through the proverbial jungle where there are no street signs, no roads, not even stars visible to guide them. You have to get lost, sometimes, to find your voice.
The difference between art and communication. Communication follows all the rules.
I like that!
In that same analogy, if there are too many street signs, you’ll get to your destination considerably slower by constantly stopping to read each one.
Commas are like street signs, you can drive without them, but most of the time it helps speed you on your way. I like commas, periods, and even semicolons;
try it without the oh-so preppy grammar:
Commas are like street signs you can drive without them but most of the time it helps speed you on your way I like commas periods and even semicolons
without the comma, you’d have me driving street signs
Hah! Great example, Seth. Admittedly, though, I use the comma WAY too much. I appreciate the challenge, Joe. I hear you saying that, while we need street signs, we don’t need to be riding the break, playing it safe, everywhere we go.
Way to take the metaphor to the next level Jeff. That’s kind of what I’m saying. Even more, what (I think) I’m saying is this: what if there were no street signs. How would that change how you look at driving?
What if you tried not using commas? At all. How would that change the way you look at writing?
It would be a good exercise but not an ideal to follow.
Exactly.
You’re absolutely right.
But sometimes, a writer needs to drive through the proverbial jungle where there are no street signs, no roads, not even stars visible to guide them. You have to get lost, sometimes, to find your voice.
The difference between art and communication. Communication follows all the rules.
Is Liz aware of this post?
I would hate to see her freak out, hyperventilate and pass out.
😉
Unfortunately, she is.
Why do you think there are so many typos? She refused to edit it. I actually think she went through and changed words on purpose so that the post would be discredited.
I came really close, Brian. It was all I could do not to sprinkle commas and periods everywhere. It hurts.
Is Liz aware of this post?
I would hate to see her freak out, hyperventilate and pass out.
😉
Unfortunately, she is.
Why do you think there are so many typos? She refused to edit it. I actually think she went through and changed words on purpose so that the post would be discredited.
I came really close, Brian. It was all I could do not to sprinkle commas and periods everywhere. It hurts.
First and foremost, the comma helps sort things out. If the reader can’t understand the text without the comma, you need it. There’s a book cover with a panda in a restaurant holding a machine gun and all these dead people around; the book is called “Eats, shoots and leaves.”
But I like to play with commas and non-commas for rhythm. You can remove the comma to introduce a feeling of breathlessness or overwhelmedness or growing momentum or even infiniteness. If a comma is a slowdown, then its absence where there should be one is a speed-up.
You can use the comma to get the reader to pause after each item in a list and cause that word to sink in. Or for an interesting effect, you can get a better-than-comma staccato thing going on by using short declarative sentences first, and then longer sentences with no commas but instead strong nouns and verbs.
I see your staccato like thing going on above. It’s very cool.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I love commas, how they create mood, or change the pace. I’m a big fan of the better-than-staccato thing too.
First and foremost, the comma helps sort things out. If the reader can’t understand the text without the comma, you need it. There’s a book cover with a panda in a restaurant holding a machine gun and all these dead people around; the book is called “Eats, shoots and leaves.”
But I like to play with commas and non-commas for rhythm. You can remove the comma to introduce a feeling of breathlessness or overwhelmedness or growing momentum or even infiniteness. If a comma is a slowdown, then its absence where there should be one is a speed-up.
You can use the comma to get the reader to pause after each item in a list and cause that word to sink in. Or for an interesting effect, you can get a better-than-comma staccato thing going on by using short declarative sentences first, and then longer sentences with no commas but instead strong nouns and verbs.
I see your staccato like thing going on above. It’s very cool.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I love commas, how they create mood, or change the pace. I’m a big fan of the better-than-staccato thing too.
It is a mess of photos. People and places that show the importance of love. Here the older girls have pushed their faces together inside a small silver frame; blond on the left, brunette to the right. There the young man stands tall in a football jersey, his parents to either side; the older are passing a mantle. Scattered about are a cloud of aunts, grandparents, exotic places, homes, dining rooms, children, award ceremonies, holidays, and formal and informal settings, each one lending its support and credence. It is a bold effort the table puts forth. And yet, it is a thin separation, this hair’s breadth between life and death. The world and its evil for now are held at bay by such a tiny army. It is a fierce love indeed. But in such a time, it is a fiercer world.
I believe the goal was to practice not using commas, Mark. Not to trade them for semi-colons 🙂
Dude, I have this issue. I cannot seem to stay on assignment. I tried and tried, and then the time was up, and …. Please forgive me, and I will try to get better!
Totally understandable, Mark. I do that all the time. The important thing is that you’re writing.
It is a mess of photos. People and places that show the importance of love. Here the older girls have pushed their faces together inside a small silver frame; blond on the left, brunette to the right. There the young man stands tall in a football jersey, his parents to either side; the older are passing a mantle. Scattered about are a cloud of aunts, grandparents, exotic places, homes, dining rooms, children, award ceremonies, holidays, and formal and informal settings, each one lending its support and credence. It is a bold effort the table puts forth. And yet, it is a thin separation, this hair’s breadth between life and death. The world and its evil for now are held at bay by such a tiny army. It is a fierce love indeed. But in such a time, it is a fiercer world.
I believe the goal was to practice not using commas, Mark. Not to trade them for semi-colons 🙂
Dude, I have this issue. I cannot seem to stay on assignment. I tried and tried, and then the time was up, and …. Please forgive me, and I will try to get better!
Totally understandable, Mark. I do that all the time. The important thing is that you’re writing.
Totally understandable, Mark. I do that all the time. The important thing is that you’re writing.
I like commas a little too much. Especially the Oxford comma. When it’s missing, my heart starts to race with anxiety. :0)
Maybe you should see a therapist, psychologist or Buddhist about that, Kristen. It is concerning, strange and worthy of pity that you have such a reaction to such a miniscule, unimportant and irrelevant thing.
You take those hurtful words back, Joseph Bunting. Commas have feelings, too.
Commas are ink (or pixels) on a piece of paper (or a screen). They are not sentient beings, Liz. They do not have feelings.
Hold strong, Kristen! Don’t let Joe’s prose change your convictions about commas.
I like commas a little too much. Especially the Oxford comma. When it’s missing, my heart starts to race with anxiety. :0)
Maybe you should see a therapist, psychologist or Buddhist about that, Kristen. It is concerning, strange and worthy of pity that you have such a reaction to such a miniscule, unimportant and irrelevant thing.
You take those hurtful words back, Joseph Bunting. Commas have feelings, too.
Commas are ink (or pixels) on a piece of paper (or a screen). They are not sentient beings, Liz. They do not have feelings.
Commas are ink (or pixels) on a piece of paper (or a screen). They are not sentient beings, Liz. They do not have feelings.
Hold strong, Kristen! Don’t let Joe’s prose change your convictions about commas.
This is what can happen when commas are neglected… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2egGfd5j_k
What did I miss? I just got back from the toy store. I had to get a couple of micro-machines because some guy in a comma-less commercial convinced me I needed them.
This is what can happen when commas are neglected… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2egGfd5j_k
What did I miss? I just got back from the toy store. I had to get a couple of micro-machines because some guy in a comma-less commercial convinced me I needed them.
I mistook your article for a satire.
It’s satire with a few truths.
Touché.
🙂
I mistook your article for a satire.
It’s satire with a few truths.
Touché.
🙂
The reason for it is just that it makes a list easier to read. Slavishly following rules is stupid, obviously, but don’t let’s jettison the rules that make life easier.
The reason for it is just that it makes a list easier to read. Slavishly following rules is stupid, obviously, but don’t let’s jettison the rules that make life easier.
Commas, oxford or not are important…..
“Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
“Woman, without her, man is nothing.”
Those two sentences are not mutually exclusive.
Commas, oxford or not are important…..
“Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
“Woman, without her, man is nothing.”
This is my favorite thing you’ve ever written.
Ha! Thanks Max. I enjoyed writing it.
This is my favorite thing you’ve ever written.
Ha! Thanks Max. I enjoyed writing it.
I ♥ the em dash.
HeyJoe
Iwanttogoevenmoreradical
Let’s dump the space and the period too!
Afterallthe RomansandGreeksgotalongjustfinewithoutthem
Good idea, Tom! You start and the rest of us will follow. 😉
You try too hard to be clever.
The lack of Oxford commas is disturbing. It creates an uneven rhythm and looks plain ugly. Plus, it can change the meaning of sentences. Whether I partied with the strippers, Hitler and Stalin, or whether I partied with the strippers, Hitler, and Stalin have different meanings. Were Hitler and Stalin the strippers? Or were they partying with me? Or am I talking to Hitler and Stalin?
Sorry. I’m the opposite. I think too many commas in writing is garish. It’s like having the perfect meal and throwing soya sauce all over it. Or, thinking a dress just needs a million rhinestones. I prefer minimalist commas. I loathe the Oxford Comma. I’m not sure Oxford uses it any more? I know academia is gently encouraging its disuse.
Yes, and we see the crowd in academia, also, give us so much PC crapola as to grown elephant cry.
I’ve rubbed shoulders with ‘academia’ and my only regret is, that I can’t find a compost bin big enough to dump the lot of them in it!
Oh well. I guess that’s your choice and your experience. Other people have different tastes and make different stylistic choices.
I’m not sure how your post has any bearing on the subject at hand? Never mind. I’m not really bovvered. Each to their own. And my own is to be a standard comma user and not throw rhinestones over my writing in order to look faaaaahancy.
I appreciate how you’ve made the comma a tool of class warfare. I’m sure it makes sense. You know what really grinds my gears? These high-falutin asswipes that use periods. COME ON. Quit throwin’ them rhinestones! Punctuation is to be avoided! It is a tool of the bourgeoisie!
I agree about too many commas. I don’t believe more commas necessarily make writing better. However, it makes writing appear more like something well written than something that’s just churned out. Accuracy of language and punctuation is what makes writing sparkle.
The new ‘literature’ is like MacDonald’s; fast, convenient and cheap. It may be very popular but it doesn’t mean it’s any good, and it has a lot of very negative after effects.
Very true. We seem to be swarmed with garbage like 50 Shades of Grey and The Hunger Games. I long for the days of old
Do you, John? Do you long for the days of auld? The days of oure lourde, in which a dandy fop could employ his velveteen hands in the pursuit of writing sumptuous yet sinewy prose? I’ll bet you’ve got a finely crafted pair of leather shoes on right now, don’t you? And you must heat your home with a pot-belly stove. My god, you must be so incredibly classy and aulden-timey.
Tell me more about your disdain for modern things, oh remnant of a forgotten age!
* you have … haven’t you?
…but I LIKE it when there’s a sea of so sauce on my food…! I LIKE dresses with a ton of sparkly stones!! I *LIKE* OXFORD COMMAS!!!!!
What kind of idiot would think Hitler and Stalin were the strippers? Fuck them if they are too stupid to figure it out.
Maybe the same type of idiot that completely misses the point of a humorous example?
How about: “I partied with Hitler, Stalin and the strippers.” When writing, put yourself in the position of the reader. If the sentence is constructed in a way that it is pretty easy to understand, chances are it’ll be easy understood by your readers. The only reason i write is to make sure anyone reading my work gets the point.
Well, judging where America is at as a nation, and all of the crapola that emanates from there; it’s not the slightest bit surprising they’d sneer at commas. Just note the way they dress, eat and speak and you got the picture.
Whoa dude, we’re not all bad. I love commas
Good! Keep on punctuating.
We call the Oxford Comma the hillbilly comma where I come from. Shrugs.
Yeah, well, we’d expect that!
Ouch! Shots fired! They call it the HILLBILLY COMMA WHERE NEENY COMES FROM! BECAUSE, YOU KNOW THOSE HILLBILLIES AND THEIR MULTITUDINOUS COMMAS!
Seriously, though, let’s get serious for a moment: I don’t even know where you’re from and I know no one says that. Except you, maybe. But really, it was a great burn either way. You deserve a hand. Claps. (See? I wrote out my action, just like you did. That’s a smooth move and I’m going to use it from here on out. Nods. Bows. Waves to horizon. Wiggles fingers. Jazz hands.)
Dear, Cheesmo–You deserve high praise for creating a user name that befits the persona you have so carefully crafted in this virtual conversation with complete strangers that spans more than half a decade. If you’re doing a character study, you’ve nailed it. You are utterly consistent in your style yet your position is completely ambiguous. If your character study is for a written work, the voice is strong. Give the character a little more, though: character, that is. If you’re studying for a role in a performance, no doubt you’ll get the part. Antiheroes seem to be gaining popularity. Or, you could take your character into politics and get the crowds really worked up. That is your objective, it seems. To provoke. Bravo or brava, whichever the case may be, you’ve met your goal.
It’s like a library exploded. Rather, my overstuffed bookshelf.
I can’t bring myself to count just how many books have spilled over. Four to my left, many more to my right and another pile just behind my laptop’s screen.
Pages of notes, stacks of them. They’re folded in between my books like lettuce in a hamburger.
Stray pencils litter my desk and they stand out glaringly against the white painted wood.
Ducking down to catch a falling one I hit my head under the desk and a pile of used tissues, rolling pencils and stray pieces of paper fall on me. Next comes my heavy unused wristwatch – ouch.
I eye my bookshelf – is it going to collapse on me too? It might. My room often turns against me as if it’s angry that I spend so much time in here.
Over the years I’ve never bothered to make room for the new books in my shelf or anywhere else. I just stuff them wherever and the result is often unattended piles cluttering my desk and multiple rows of them being stacked in rows and columns in whichever space is available on my shelf.
14! A definite count! It’s the number of books that are splayed on my floor.
Paperbacks are smooth and cool. And slippery. I slide over to my window riding on a pair. You’d think this was a suicide move but it really isn’t.
I open the window and hope the birds are civil this time.
Wow, that was perfect minimal use of commas without sounding like a 6 year old
A cup of milk tea, sliced cucumber bathed in salt vinegar, a black keyboard, a black mouse, black CPU, another black monitor, both LCD flatscreen, a brown puppey watching, black slippers, giant luggage, A light brown door, brown seats, empty bottles, a steel stand, a bed, pillows.
He massaged his nose as he took a sip of the milk tea. He placed it at his left. The sliced cucumber sat still and he took a bite. He yawned and the wind chilled him.The puppy was staring at him intently and it’s tail was happily wagging. It barked at him which made him jerk.
“What’s your problem?” he said. The puppey tilted its head at him. “You hungry?”
It barked.
“Later,” he said.
The bed poofed as he plopped down on it. He layed his hands around feeling the soft contours of the pillows around him. He blew a breath and scratched his head. “What now?”
The dog barked again.
He got up and closed the door. He dropped down by the puppy and pat it’s head. “Sandy, what do you think I should do about it?”
The dog smiled and he smiled. Then it bit him. He gave the dog a bored stare as the dog tried it’s hardest to tear his hands with it’s little mouth. “Nice try buddy.”
He pat the dog again before he stood up. He stretched his arms and yawned. The steam from the milk tea was dissipating and he took a gulp downing it all down. The cucumbers were swimming in vineger and he picked one up and ate it. “I hate healthy living.”
Dust were collecting at the edges of the monitors. He wiped it with his hands leaving dirt on his fingers. He sniffed it and crinkled his nose. “Do I have a wiper or something?”
Too bad both paragraphs used to demonstrate not using the Oxford comma aren’t actually missing the Oxford comma. Yes, they are missing commas before conjunctions, but the Oxford Comma is a series comma, ie used in a list of 3 or more things. Also, second paragraph used a comma before conjunction “but”, which while isn’t “and” is still use of a conjunction comma. Conjunction commas are different because they are used only before conjunctions that don’t bind two well-connected words or phrases, such as that “because”; another example would be cookies and milk, and milk and honey. The Oxford comma, however, is entirely different because it eases clarity. One could say, “I’d like you to meet my parents, Bob and Linda,” which is entirely different from the statement, “I’d like you to meet my parents, Bob, and Linda.” The second actually implies Bob and Linda are not your parents and are other people to be met besides parents.
Those who think the Oxford comma is pretentious are often too ignorant on why it is called the Oxford comma. It’s not the comma used by Oxford grads showing signs of great intelligence, in the manner that overly extravagant speech makes you sound haughty; it’s the comma that was used by Oxford University press to distinguish the lack of comma in lists as distinct from binding conjunctions. It’s really just a series comma, a comma meant make long lists have each element of the list separated. The Oxford comma is different because it separates separate elements, lets you know two things at the end of a list are different parts of the list and not connected thoughts, clears up confusion created by leaving out a conjunction comma that makes thoughts seem connected, and just allows a tiny bit of uniformity as you already are using a bunch of commas in the list already. It’s like when commas are used within the listed elements, you begin using semicolons. Would you actually leave out the Oxford comma as a semicolon?
You actually aren’t the first who tried to make this exact argument against the Oxford comma and then failed to realize just what it actually is. You showed no understanding of how to use it and instead showed you prefer to not use conjunction commas between binding words and phrases, which is actually CORRECT use of leaving a comma out. Congratulations, you’re following comma rules after all.
P.S. Semicolon comma-replacement usage, minus the Oxford comma/semicolon:
There are a lot of things to be learned about commas: they can easily make or break a sentence, either being used too little that they leave giant holes in text that would be filled in by a verbal cue in speech that the comma is meant to indicate, or being used too often that they begin to lose their meaning, as not all times people pause in speech is it actually because of semantics; there are a million reasons why to use them, a bunch of different rules on when and where, and for what purposes, and they all have different names to help you remember what each individual rule is; they’re a lot like word choice, where using one specifically creates its own meaning within a sentence that wouldn’t exist without the comma, which makes them similar to non-written, non-word sounds we make, like various grunts or sighs that create nuances in speech that accurately convey emotion compared to written word and can ease confusion as disregarding an Oxford comma makes it look like you disregarded a typical conjunction comma and so the statements stated are bound and connected in a way that makes them seem to hold a deeper meaning that what you really meant to say and failed to convey, and pretending to be too good for commas is the really pretentious way to type.
I think one difference is if your experience of reading is as of someone speaking the words in your head, or experience it as purely word to thought.
Without commas, your first example reads as if it’s being spoken by a 12 year old child, as irregular pacing and failure to break thoughts are often mistakes that you encounter when speaking to children. The superfluous ‘ands’ serve to jar the reader as much as the passive voice.
Further, a comma it not merely about pacing or breathing, it serves a minor function as emphasis within a sentence.
Bunting has redeemed himself with his replies to various comments here.
As a reader, I write for myself, to make the reading flow and to have rhythm.
[As a reader I write for myself, to make the reading flow and to have rhythm.]
[As a reader I write for myself – to make the reading flow and to have rhythm.]
(all of those work – the middle one works best)
Bunting works from the same principle as I; break the rules in service to the prose, don’t be slavish in following them.
(my “advantange” is that I may have once learned certain rules, but know few of them)
Matt Weiner, showrunner for Mad Men, insisted on word-perfect delivery of dialog – no improvisation. But then, although he had a writing team, he edited every script. It really shows – I will sometimes replay scenes just for the sheer music of the dialog
(another “advantage” – I first studied music at age 10 – performing and later amassed a large music collection. I tell myself this makes me sensitive to prose that “clanks” – that is rhythmically incompentent)
On occasion, I will read something, and marvel at its clarity and rhythm…
[On occasion I will read something, and marvel at its clarity and rhythm…]
…and then figure out that I’d written in months or years earlier and came back to it “sideways”. At minimum this reinforces the notion that I write to please myself (as does Weiner and many other worthy artists).
(and though I know that’s an “ellipsis” – I’m not clear on its “proper usage” – except in quotations – and mostly prefer to use a parenthetical paraphase, often because the original quote is badly in need of a tighter, more-economical, construction)
(whoops, there’s one of those “dash-connectors” (whatever the standard term is), which I use to create a modified noun or adjective. Such a connector serves to give a split-second less processing for the reader).
FWIW, this is a first draft, slammed out with no looking back.
How did I do?
Bunting’s arguments–well, they weren’t really arguments, they were just satire–against the use of commas avoids the obvious reasons they should be used: Comprehension and accurate communication. We’re supposed to be communicating so that the reader can comprehend. Bunting has to overload his sentences with “ands” to replace the commas he is determined to eliminate, which makes his sentences sound like they were written by breathless 5-year olds. I suggest you punt on Bunting.
The point of commas is to break up sentences where people would normally take a breath – it allows our eyes (which read with mostly peripheral vision) to lock onto the center of the current phrase the voice in our head is reading.
Sure, if you are slow reader going one word at a time, you might not see a difference. But to those that actually do heavy reading, the sentences on this page are a big jumbled blur that is not easily read.
Actually the purpose a comma is the separate the clauses of a sentence. It has nothing to do with with the reader’s breath.