I was looking in the mirror the other day, wondering who I am. Who I really am. Am I my scars from having my gall bladder removed at the age of 19? Am I the tortoise-shell glasses and hat I wear to hide thin wrinkles and thin hair?
Most would argue we are a byproduct, hazardous or otherwise, of our environments. And I agree. To some extent. I believe that deep down, in the tap-root of our soul, we are unique. While our environments can nourish or neglect, the truth of who we are remains constant.
So, who are you really?
Photo by Alberto G.
Well-meaning advice?
I overheard a conversation—I was eavesdropping. Don’t judge. You know you’ve done it—where one seemingly well-meaning friend urged, nay, demanded her friend to “steer clear of that dreadful new Fifty Shades of Grey series” because it would be hours of her life misspent in “the wrong books” and “bad writing”.
I haven’t read the series, so I can’t speak with any authority on the caliber of writing; however, I would like to speak to the assertion that the series represents the wrong books.
Right or wrong?
Is there a global checklist out there with a yes/no column for every book published that lands it in either a right or wrong category? If so, don’t tell me. I’m a thinker and feeler and like to form my own opinion.
Naysayers—well-meaning or not—are arrogant. They primp and preen on their opinions and deem them truth. Her “advice” garnered the opposite desire in me. Fifty Shades of Grey, here I come.
She could be right. The books might be poorly written and a waste of my time. But it’s MY time and I can read what I want. So there.
The power of choices
Who are we without our choices? Am I a certain political party/religion/career because that’s what my parents were and what my environment dictated or because I chose those things?
When I look in the mirror, I see myself as an amalgam of my choices. Mine. Not somebody’s naysaying, all-controlling, all-knowing demands. Because nobody is responsible for me. And I like it that way.
Have other people influenced your decision-making, or do you make choices based on personal experience?
Practice
Think back to a time when someone told you not to read something and you did it anyway. How did it feel to form your own opinion? Write for fifteen minutes about choices you’ve made that were completely your own. Write about what it means to be you. Share your writing and comment on the writing of those other brave souls who chose to share.
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I’ve been so fortunate to have women (and men) invest in my life. Women I recognize as wise and mature, observant and good. I listen to their advice and have great conversations with them about what is noble, pure, and valuable. I flinch when people espouse the type of independent free spiritedness it seems you are encouraging here. Not because I don’t value my own ideas and freedom but because I recognize humans are made for healthy community, give and take. I’m better because of the advice of others. When I was younger and was told you CAN’T do this or that, yes it elicited a rebellious attitude. I hope I’ve matured and can calmly take into consideration my views and allow them to be shaped by the views of those I love to make a strong, wise decision.
I won’t be reading 50 Shades of Grey. Not because anyone told me not to. Not because it may or may not be poor writing. I won’t be reading it because I’ve committed my life to one man. I’ve vowed to love and honor him. I’ve also committed to God to have a thought life that is pure. Reading a book that is labeled as erotica and arouses sexual desire for anyone other than my husband isn’t an option to me. Life is hard and full of temptation I don’t need to willingly read a book that could produce dissatisfaction with my husband or love life. That’s why I choose not to read 50 Shades of Grey and encourage the young women I mentor not to either.
Hi Beck. Thanks so much for sharing. While I am encouraging people to make their own decisions, I am not discouraging them from listening to the advice of cherished friends and loved ones. I wouldn’t be who I am today had I crossed the road when mom said not to. Literally. That truck would’ve plowed me over. I just think there are big, life-changing decisions and simple, everyday decisions. Yes, the books we read, the shows we watch, the music we listen to, can all affect and even infect our lives. Content is important. Garbage in, garbage out. And maybe this book is garbage. It’s not the kind of book I read. I’m a thriller girl. But it’s hard for me to take the advice of someone (overheard in a coffee bar or sitting across from me in church) who hasn’t read the book to give me a basis for their argument. I think it’s great for someone to say THEY will never read it (for moral reasons or otherwise), but I don’t think it’s great to tell others not to. People need to learn for themselves. As I told Zoe… we grow from pain. Our own pain.
Thanks again, Beck, for sharing. You made your choice not to read the book, and I admire that.
I would never tell anyone not to read a book 0r to do anything else in fact. We are all free to do as we wish. I have decided not to read it, but not because of bad writing, not because it might be rude. I’ve read a lot of both in my time, sometimes enjoyable, sometimes not.
But because if I understand the hype correctly, it is a book about a woman subjugating herself to a man, allowing him power over her sexually.
Not only do I not want to read that, but I find it sad that after years of trying to get women to understand that they have not only rights in this society, but they are equals, we are lauding a book which seems to put us all back half a century.
Young women reading this may believe that is the only sex there is, where the female of the species has to be dominated by a man.
Is that what we want for our young girls?
Hi Pat,
Thanks for commenting.
Since I haven’t read the book, I can’t tell you what it’s about. I don’t know if the message is that it’s ok to be dominated by a man, sexually or otherwise. Sandy’s response indicated the message is about understanding one’s boundaries. (that’s what she took from it) For me, this post isn’t even about that book. It’s about making a choice. It’s about people determining what’s the right book or wrong book for themselves. Each person is unique and can determine on their own which books to read. As you said, “We are all free to do as we wish.”
I can’t speak to the young women reading this book. How I wish I was still young. But some may read it and think it’s not ok to be dominated. Others may think it’s ok. Perhaps they had those beliefs prior to reading the book. Who’s to say?
Thanks again for your willingness to share.
That was the thing that sort of irked me about your blog. YOu didn’t deliver what you promised. You said why I read 50 shades, and after all that prose about choosing, you hadn’t. Rule number one from copyblogger.com about headlines (or maybe rule 6+) … if you promise something, you need to deliver on it. Anyway, wonderful how much discussion this post has generated!
A friend of mine will at least try to read almost any book with this much controversy. She can’t read this book. Just a short time into the book, she was angry.
“What kind of people are gobbling up a book where a woman is signing away her ability to make any of her own choices… how is it romantic to be used just because he has the stereotypical wealth, expensive car and penthouse apartment? How do they ever get past “the contract”? They tell me – it gets better at the end… I hate him, I don’t want her to have a happy ending with this pig. SERIOUSLY! Women like this???? I’m so sad.”
I haven’t read it. I’d probably be just like my friend – angry and offended. Sometimes you just can’t put things you feel strongly about on a shelf to get through a book. I haven’t been motivated enough to try the book.
I remember reading that what a person is exposed to during their sexual awakening impacts them in a different way than at any other time. I’d be very concerned for anyone exposing themselves to S&M at a time like that. So… adults – have at it – make your own decision about reading it, but please don’t let your 13 year old get ahold of it.
Although I do not let others advise me often, I respect your position here. You are obviously enjoying support from a group of people whom you love and respect, and they probably are giving you good advice. Everything you spend you time on has some kind of effect on you and I don’t think S&M sex is a good thing. I know nobody needs to tell you to stick to your guns but I do want to say I like your answer especially the part about being mature enough to take everything into consideration and make a good decision. I also agree with you about a marriage being a trust that shouldn’t be trifled with.
There
Whoops, that didn’t work! I think there are so many facets of us – part of me I’d say loves making my own trends, not giving a damn what fashion and church culture and society thinks, and part of me is really happy to go with the crowd. We are complex beautiful creatures. Important post, I think so often we don’t make our own decisions, and these create huge gaps later on in life, and the view we thought we had breaks slowly – it was never really our own. Hooray for being amazing, distinct us who have power to choose and change!! (PS. I have changed identity from zo-zo to Zoe Beech – all my decision! 😉 )
Making our own decisions isn’t easy for sure. It takes discipline. It takes sampling the eggs to know you prefer them scrambled to poached. There is a certain understated strength in saying “no” when others say “yes”. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad. But we learn from our choices. We grown from pain. If we just followed the paths of those before us we wouldn’t be able to hear the voice of the One guiding us on our own path.
Thanks so much for sharing, Zoe. 🙂
Excuse me, Heather, if I bypass the prompt about writing
about a time someone told me not to read something and I did it anyway and how
I felt about making my own choice.
First, I don’t really remember anyone ever telling me specifically not
to read a book. Second, I find the
issues that you bring up in your introduction to the prompt to be highly
disturbing and far more interesting than the prompt itself.
I have to confess to never having heard before of
“Fifty Shades of Grey,” perhaps because I live abroad or maybe
because like Jackie, I am not particularly interested in reading outright
erotica, with sado-masochism and bondage issues thrown in (ok, so I checked
online), nor are most of my English-speaking friends. But regardless of the trigger of your
article, I find your basic premise seriously flawed. Deciding to do something specifically because
you are told that it is ill advised to do so is no greater mark of free choice and
independence than not doing something only because someone told you not to do
it.
I used to advise my children that they don’t have to make
every mistake in the book, they can leave some for other people to make as well. True, one can learn from one’s mistakes and
wisdom does indeed come from trial and error.
However, isn’t it a lot smarter to keep your eyes and ears open ,
observe and learn from the experience and mistakes of others? I do not have to experience everything for
myself in order to learn about it. I don’t have to drink poison personally to
learn that it can kill you, or waste my money on tickets to a play that everyone says is boring.
I do not recommend blindly listening to what everyone has to
say either. But if someone has experience
or knowledge about something, then I think it is perfectly legitimate to hear
what they have to say about it. It is up
to you to determine the whys and wherefores as to why he or she feels that way
and then to decide whether or not that has any meaning for you. Isn’t that why we are all at these and similar sites- to learn from the experience and opionion of others? Perhaps the real arrogance is exhibited not by those
who state their opinions freely, but rather by those who refuse to listen to any but
their own.
Greetings, Mirelba.
While I appreciate and admire your opinion, I believe there is a distinct difference between not consuming poison because it will kill you and reading a book (that could very well be poisonous to your soul). Opinions are meant to be eaten and digested or spit out, depending on the consumer’s preference. Believe me, overhearing the conversation in the coffee bar wasn’t the first time I heard discouraging words about that book. And every person who discouraged the consumer had not read it. I think it’s great for a person to make that choice for herself but not to presume to know what’s best for someone else. I still haven’t read the book and probably never will because I read thrillers and my Bible and not erotica. But I have picked up a thriller with erotic scenes, vulgar scenes, and blush-inducing scenes. At least the author of “Grey” lets people know what her book is about so they can choose to read it or not based on its content.
Perhaps I am arrogant, Mirelba, for making my own choices. I won’t apologize for being me. And, believe it or not, I do listen to opinions and advice…but on BIG issues, not on which books to read.
Thanks again for sharing. I appreciate your opinion, whether we agree or not.
I am sorry, again, my reaction was not to the book, as I stated. I personally would not be interested in reading that back based on the description, but I sincerely believe that everyone is free to make their own decisions regarding such matters. What bothered me was the claim that you were reading it precisely because someone advised that it was not worth the read. According to what you wrote, the person did not dismiss it out of hand, but offered specific reasons for her opinion, and yet you felt that that was arrogant. Obviously, poison is an extreme example, used to make a point. I did not use it as a simile to porn or erotica, since yet again, that is not the issue here. One should not do or not do something because of what someone says, whether it is blindly follow or blindly disregard. Adult decisions are reached by processing what is said and reaching one’s own conclusion. You may have heard other opinions as well which made you decide that you would rather read it on your own and come to your own conclusion, but that is not what you stated in your article. Had you done so, I would have had no comment. And to clarify, I did not mean to offend you, merely to point out that your response could be viewed in the same exact manner that you chose to view the initial incident. And most definitely, if you were offended, I offer my sincere apologies.
No, Mirelba. No offense. Honest.
Truthfully, I was being sarcastic about reading it just because she said not to. My point was that (had I not already heard a ton of talk about the books) her demands made me curious enough to want to know why the books were the “wrong” books. The person had not even read the books. She was basing her opinion on reviews of the books having bad grammar. In essence, her opinion was baseless. That’s what bothered me. She’s telling someone not to read it without having read the books herself. If she had at least tried, I would’ve been less likely to feel affronted by her arrogance. She claimed to know the difference between the right books and wrong ones. Many people believe the Bible is the wrong book. I still read it. And love it. I just think we shouldn’t presume to know what’s right for an adult who is fully capable of making her own decisions. We can offer our opinion on a subject. And leave it at that.
I appreciate and respect your opinion, Mirelba. No worries. I am not offended. We writers need pretty thick skin.
Ok,I am sincerely glad that you were not offended. I too am a Bible reader, and try to learn the lessons it conveys, among them dealing kindly with others. And I hear what you are saying. And I even agree with what you’ve just said. So now take this as an editorial content comment (sorry, but I’ve done editing work for over 20 years…) you should have made those points clearer in your post. Then the arrogance you mentioned may have been easier to understand. As is, I don’t think that the sarcasm came through. And if you would have said that at times it is important that we read to discover the answers for ourselves, now that too would have made the point clearer and come out as a whole different kettle of fish… (but smellin’ a whole lot purtier than them fish)
When I was around nine and visiting a great-aunt and her family, I found a book about Isabella of Castille, which I started to read immediately. My great-aunt found out and try to convince my mom about the dangers of reading it (because apparently it talked about Isabella’s sex life – it was a biography.) My mom refused to tell me anything; she thought that by forbidding me to read it I would be even more interested in the “naughty” parts of the book.
As it is, I barely remember anything about it. I agree with my mom, though. If she had followed my aunt’s advice, I would have paid closer attention.
Thank you, Yali, for sharing your personal experience with making a choice. I appreciate your willingness to share.
Hmm. I feel like I should let people tell me what to read – just because you told me not to.
Heh heh. Touche. 🙂
HA!! Cracked me up there Bob
Who are we all? That’s the essential existential question isn’t it?
Somethings I know – I was created unique by a maker who knew me before I was a gleam in my father’s eye, I am loved without condition, I have been redeemed.
Other things I can’t be sure of – Am I Asian American, Chinese Singaporean? Am I just wife, mother, daughter or much much more? Is my life with it’s blessings enough or should I hunger for more? I guess I’ll figure, over time.
What’s right? What’s wrong? Somethings I am sure of, and these I’ll pass on to my children. Other things do indeed come in shades of grey. What I do know is that I would never try something just because someone said NO. Nor, would I jump into something because someone said YES.
I’d like to live a considered life. When I choose, it will be because I decided, not in reaction to either a push or a pull.
And btw, YES, I did read Fifty Shades. I’m trying to market my novel and I wanted to know what was making it such a sensation. Conclusion – it isn’t worth the read, and if that’s what it takes to sell 15 million books, then I won’t do it.
Hi Oddznns.
I love living a “considered life”. Brilliant.
The thing I appreciate is that your conclusion about the book not being worth it is based on your personal experience of having read it. And it helped you to understand your boundaries as a writer and publisher of your own book. You chose to read it on your own. Not because someone said yes or no. But because you said yes. And that’s the point I’m trying to make (rather poorly, I gather): we should make our decisions based on personal preference not on someone else’s personal preference.
Thanks so much for sharing.
I agree whole-heartedly, and it reminds me of the time I traveled the Arctic with some radical filmmakers who, on principle, loathed every priest they encountered. I couldn’t abide being expected to share their prejudices. I remember insisting on meeting one such priest person to person, and I did, knocked on his door, had tea with him, and came away shaking with indignaton at his attitude to the local people. But at least I had earned MY OWN OPINION. We must! Good post, Heather.
Thanks so much, PJ. I am grateful for your feedback. 🙂
Hey – in response to your comment WAY down below about not delivering, the headline indicates I have decided to read it, not that I have. For me, there’s a difference between deciding and doing. I might deliver eventually but I never promised anything. And the awesome thing about it is I can still choose NOT to read it. It’s my life. I can be fickle.
I have purchased tons of books with the intent to read them. By the time I get to them, they simply don’t interest me anymore. Does that make them the wrong books? Nope. Just not the right time…for me.
As for the rules of copyblogger, I’m not much of a rule follower. I prefer to write without restraint and the worry of breaking some rule. I’m not a professional blogger. I blog for fun when I have time.
Hi there Heather.. Yes, I must apologize. You did say why I decided. It was me made the jump that you had read it! Thanks for pointing this out. NO offense I hope. As for copyblogger … of course rules are made to be broken. It’s the quality of the writing that counts.
No offense take at all.
As for quality of writing…that’s still one of those “grey” areas (pun not intended) for me. Writing can contain all the elements of grammar (using an ellipses or em dash appropriately), fit within the realm of varied sentence structure, pacing, etc, but read like a phone book. So because it’s written correctly, is it then quality? I like writers who play with words and writing styles. Quality is relative to the reader. I’ve choked down classics that some say represent “quality” literature and have devoured pulp fiction those same people deem “drivel”. Ultimately, for me, it’s about what I like. Others may think I’m reading the wrong books, but as long as they are right for me, that’s all that should matter.
I had a fascinating university professor who suggested we were a combination of our descent, dissent (that which we oppose or rebel against), our assent (that which we aspire to), and our accent (that which we put on, eg. parisians eating sushi daily.) It’s a.nice framework i think. Though a lot of people would have 50 Shades in their dissent column….
That’s what I call awesome sauce. Your professor sounds great.
And yes, 50 Shades seems to be a polarizing issue for most. And really, it’s just a book. For people hating it so much, it sure has sold a lot of copies. Someone out there must like it.
Thanks so much for sharing, Amy.
“A combination of descent, dissent, assent, accent: I love this sentence Amy. May I borrow it for my blog … myrealselfis… I will accredit it if you give me the details.
Thanks for posting this, Heather. Everyone in the world must deal with the boundaries other people try to place on them. Some of us find them comforting, others find them restricting, and it’s up to us to decide how we want to handle those.
Some people will read these books not expecting to like them, but will be surprised. Others will be the opposite. And of course, there will be others who will never read one word of them, but will speak against them without ever truly knowing what they’re arguing against.
When I read the books, the biggest thing I took away from them was the theme of female empowerment–a young girl is testing the very boundaries I spoke of earlier, and she is learning to decide what works for her and what doesn’t. Yes, she’s testing her sexual boundaries, but honestly, we live in the modern world and that is how that particular character chose to live her life.
To me, the books are more positive than negative, but there will always be those who choose to focus on the content rather than the message inside the book itself.
These books aren’t for everyone, and that’s ok. If we all liked or wanted the same thing, we would only need 5 books publised a year. I hope people don’t automatically dismiss them because there are others who lump it into the “bad” category because of the Twilight influence or the subject matter.
Exactly, Sandy. I think it’s hard for people to make an argument without the foundation to stand on. I have several Christian friends who have read these books (shocker, I know!) and found the books to be about redemption and love and breaking through the bondage of man’s restraints. One even said it strengthened her romantic relationship with her husband. For you the message was about boundaries and understanding one’s self. For others, it will simply be about sex or bondage.
Thanks so much for sharing, Sandy, and for sharing from a place of experience rather than assumption.
I have to speak to something in your post that I found very, well, interesting. It is this quote: ”
Naysayers—well-meaning or not—are arrogant. They primp and preen on their opinions and deem them truth.”
I read part of this book and I had to stop because I found trying to slog through the bad writing an exercise in torture. I did not choose to read it because people demanded I do so. I did not choose to read it as an act of rebellion against the nay-sayers, either. I read it because I wanted to see for myself if what I was hearing about the book was accurate. According to your logic, when I wrote a negative review of this book on Amazon and Goodreads, it makes me an arrogant know-it-all. I disagree with that. I feel that your post introduction was actually condescending, presumptuous and showed arrogance on your part. You’re assuming that all people who decide not to read the book are doing so because they are incapable of discerning fact from opinion. Your example of the person you overheard “demanding” (to use your term) is one sided and makes assumptions that the person gave into the other person’s demands. How would you know if this person actually decided to read the book unless you saw them later with the book? And if this were the case, then how would you know that they made their decision based upon the first person’s demands or they made their decision on other factors? Unless you were there or could get into that person’s head, you don’t know this. One could also argue that the bad writing in this book is “fact” and not opinion because there are so many grammatical errors, geographical errors and word usage errors that can easily be verified by using credible sources such as grammar rule books and dictionaries. One only has to google the phrase “terminal velocity” and read its definition to know that the author misused it in her book. I suggest that you take the time to read the negative reviews of this book. A majority of the reviewers take the time to point out the author’s mistakes. How is providing concrete examples to bolster their arguments being arrogant? The reverse of your argument is also true, especially with the positive reviews. I do know people who read this book simply because they were “told to”. Does that make them any better than those who supposedly chose not to read the book because they were “told to”? Aren’t they arrogant know-it-alls, too? Based upon my Facebook Timeline, I could make a strong case in favor of this being the case.
Hey Kathy. Actually, I heard the entire conversation (perhaps it carried on after they discussed it for 30 minutes in the coffee bar) but didn’t include it in the post since that wasn’t really the point. The naysayer had not read the book. Just in case that matters.
People can read reviews or not. They can read the books for themselves or not. It’s about choice. And I specifically pointed out that I could not comment on the grammar of the book. I was speaking to the fact the naysayer deemed the books the “wrong” books. They might be wrong for her but right for her friend. Even a review-researched and well-structured-is still an opinion. And if someone still wants to read a book even after 100 bad reviews, that’s their choice. My point is that our opinions are based on personal experiences. We can’t possibly know what someone else will like. Whether a book is right or wrong for them. That, in my opinion, is arrogant. It’s presumptuous. Nothing wrong with saying why you don’t like something. And it’s admirable that your opinion is based on at least trying to read the book. Perhaps, I will read five pages and put it down. Maybe not. I’ve read rave reviews of books that I hated. To each his own. And that is the point I am trying to make.
Very nicely written and interesting post Heather, thanks for taking the time to write.
throwing rocks? lol …
Personally, I’m glad to read any drivel on a page if it’s interezzting to me … I don’t give a care one little bit what other’s think. Although once while reading Cosmopolitan poolside a few of my jarhead friends gave me a tumble …
Thanks so much for sharing, Robert. I can imagine Cosmo gave your buds plenty of poolside banter. 🙂
Dang, I was really hoping you would focus today’s practice on the Curiosity landing so I would have an excuse to post this:
——
For over four thousand years of recorded history, humans have stared at a distant red dot in the night skies; We have wondered what it might be and what it could tell us of our lives here on Earth.
Starting today, a car sized, one tonne, engineering marvel will enable us to explore Mars in ways that were never before possible. We will learn more about the composition of the Red-planet, in the next two years, than in all previous human history combined; All of which is the result of astounding scientific ingenuity and engineering genius. The Curiosity rover required 10 years of direct work and 3.4 million years of accumulated scientific knowledge to become reality. It traveled a total of 352 million miles, in eight months, and landed completely autonomously – with its final landing stages requiring it be lowered to the surface of Mars by a sky-crane!
This morning I find myself filled with absolute wonder about the world and Universe – I want to know what we will learn tomorrow and to see humans push even further past our current limits of understanding. Will we some day be seeing, not a rover, but a manned mission being lowered onto the Martian surface? Will Curiosity lead to new clues as to how life arose here on Earth? What implications will the scientific discoveries of Curiosity have on daily life here on Earth? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions yet but I can not wait to find out!
——-
Oh well, guess not. 😉
I’m going to do the actual practice in a little bit and I’ll update this (or post as a comment on this) then.
Hey John. In essence, we are talking about Curiosity landing. I think people’s curiosity is what landed “50 Shades” on the best-seller’s list. Just sayin’.
But I love your piece. 🙂
Although I vaguely remember reading my dad’s newspaper at a very young age (don’t we all love to copy our dads?), my own choice of reading matter was The Famous Five.
Then, by the fourth year of primary school, our English teacher introduced us to Black Beauty, Reach for the Sky and Jock of the Bushveld, reading to the class each day for an hour.And the rest, as they say, was history.
I wonder if the educators of today still encourage the pupils to read these days?
I started with Good Housekeeping to copy my mom. 🙂
I remember my 6th grade teacher reading us “A Wrinkle in Time”. I loved it. My parents didn’t think I should be reading fantasy books in a private school so they went to the principal. Luckily, the teacher kept reading to us. I fell in love with words and the way fiction could transplant me into other worlds.
I taught for ten years at the high school level and discussed books with my students all the time. But that was me. I can’t speak to others.
Thanks, Richard.
I read Fifty Shades of Gray and learned an important lesson about bad writing. The writing can be execrable as it is here, but if there is good conflict between the two main characters, it keeps the reader reading. In my mind, the conflict was whether the heroine would ever wake up and realize she was never going to get what she needed from the “hero.” She’s young, vulnerable, unitiated, and can be forgiven for wanting to be loved or connected for quite a while. The reason I didn’t read the next two books was because it became obvious the heroine was never going to wake up because the writer couldn’t or wouldn’t give her any insight into herself or the motivations of her lover. At that point, I felt jerked around and jerked in the wallet. I wouldn’t touch E. L. James again though because she has so little to say.
This is a great review, Cynthia.
Cynthia, this is a great view. And yes, you are right. There was conflict. Someone else wrote that the reason why 50 Shades is so succesful is because it caters to other fantasies besides the obviusly marketed one – (1) Good looking man with money (2) He actually overcomes his demons … in the end, although I question the premise, they do it just for fun and not to escape his ghosts HAH!!! (3) she gets to have it all in the end, a career in publishing, 2 kids and a nice house.
I guess, if one likes Harlequins!
I was at a loosely called book club get together. Loosely because half of us have read the book and forgotten and the other half forgot to read the book. Club because we are a band of women at a time in our lives when being married is no longer an aim but staying married is difficult. We laugh. We love.
At the last meeting, someone suggested we read that fifty shades book. The idea went around the room, it took form, people were concurring to read, two had already started and then the light fell on me.
The light suddenly became sharper, brighter, pointier, hotter. I was going to say I couldn’t read it. I was hoping no one would ask why. Thankfully the ladies pointed their anxieties to each other. Some of the people had no idea it was an SM book, so in light of all this new revelation they chose Mirror Mirror by a safe Irish formulaic writer.
Great (stage aside – big sarcastic sigh), we were going to have bad prose just like 50 shades, a formula, just like 50 shades but no erotica.
Great, no one asked me why, my faith was assumed to be at the heart of the reason.
Great we would meet again next month, and the ex-sex worker could keep her past secret for another day/week/month/year/lifetime.
Nice twist! Respect! I loved the description of the bookclub!
Wow, Suzie. I don’t even know what to say. Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for your transparency.
Yeah ’bout that transparency. I made it up. I have this thing about “What would happen if……?”
In a totally different situation this got me into trouble ——
2011 a week of prayer, on committee, steward for four hours a day (the crowds – no just to open the church), first day I made some toast and wrote some lyrics. Second day made some toast and wrote a meditation, third day made some toast and wrote all the names for God I could find or think I had at one time or other heard (from Elohim to pilot – it was a long list). Fourth day, sat in the quiet of the main church with the sun shining on my legs, I knelt and a story came to me. I wrote it, as with everything else, I wrote it in the paper provided and left it there.
Next day, big commotion when I arrived, some poor woman had been in the day before and had found comfort and was coming back again Sunday to the service. Great – this is why the doors of the church were open.
Sunday – before the service we pull the prayer rooms apart to put them back together as normal. I take all the paper away because I am told to make a scrapbook (never ask me to make something – I gave them a 3foot by 2 foot scrapbook – hehe!!!)
My minister shouted to me that he wanted something from the papers, he went searching and found what he was looking for and life continued.
During the service the minister said some words about the prayer week and told about the woman who had come in, and began to read what she had written – only it wasn’t some random person off the street – it was my story.
I didn’t know what to do, to let him continue would mean he was lying unbeknown to him, or to stop him would make a show of me. So a show of me it was and I had to face a lot of angry people.
Fiction, faction, non-fiction – tough call.
Am I a liar or a writer?
Love it Suzie, “bad prose just like 50 shades, a formula, just like 50 shades but no erotica”. You are so funny.
Loved this.. loved the surprise ending. 50 shades of gray was suggested for my book club which sparked quite a bit of discussion.
Thank you for sharing Suzie, especially the end. It’s brave to be so transparent. I Love your description of the club, so apt ” because we are a band of women at a time in our lives when being married is no longer an aim but staying married is difficult. ”
Wow! Loved the writing in your post, especially the book club description in the beginning and the bad prose sentence. And the surprise ending!!! Of course your secret is out, but we won’t tell anyone in your book-club 🙂
I was in a weekend workshop once, where we were given writing exercises at intervals. These were followed by each participant reading their practice to the group. One time a woman had chosen to write a piece of erotica that included the graphic names of body parts, etc. My cheeks were bright red at the first few words. Yet she read it out to the mixed audience, unrestrained by any sign of modesty. I still feel embarrassed, thinking about it!
It is horrible isn’t it when you are not ready for something. If all of you had been using that language all day it would not have been a problem.
Sometimes when a person does something like this out of the blue it is a cry for help. Not helpful in a writing workshop but it could’ve been a great break through if you were in a rebirthing class?
Yeah I think you’ve hit on a key point there Suzie, in a sea of literary wistful creative poetic musings, the sudden erotica came out of left field.
The ‘rebirthing’ made me laugh. As you say, it would have been very helpful if we’d been at a lonely singles group, hoping for a hook-up 🙂
If I had lived in the medieval days of the Inquistion, might I have actually been boiled in oil? Or perhaps burned at the stake on early American soil during the Witch Hunts of New England? Thank God, we are no longer prone to such extreme and barbaric practices as being set on fire or hanged, drawn and quartered, but even in our postmodern age, there is still much shaming and name calling that goes on in the name of religion, all in an effort to stifle the exploration of new ideas.
While we may no longer be in danger of having to walk around with a big red A on our person, those of us who have chosen to explore books that are deemed “unfaithful” to evangelical Christianity can quickly become labeled with a big H. The word “heretic” is still readily used on many postmodern Christian movers and shakers who have strayed away from the “approved” orthodox beliefs. Just ask Brian McLaren or Rob Bell. Wait, sorry, they are unavailable for comment. Their numbers have been removed from the speed dial of many an evangelical Christian phone list.
Ssssh…don’t tell anyone, but I’ve read some of these banned books. I’ve read McLaren’s “A New Kind of Christianity,” and Rob Bell’s much condemned “Love Wins.” And guess what? I’ve grown because of it. I’ve grown in my understanding of biblical truths. I’ve grown in my spiritual journey. And I’ve grown in my faith.
It is difficult to describe the culture of suspicion and shame within evangelical Christianity. Maybe it’s because it’s like admitting you’ve masturbated. Everyone knows that everyone has, but no one wants to be the first to admit it. Same goes with evangelicals. Everyone knows that everyone has some questions and doubts, but no one wants to admit it. So it’s better to shame anybody who does, and to do it loudly and publicly.
So here I stand (actually I’m sitting at my computer) telling the world that I have questions and doubts and I read McLaren and Bell and others “of-whom-we-do-not-speak.” I am grateful to those who are challenging the church to be a safe place to explore and wonder.
I read some books that aren’t good for Christians to read too Tom, like Reading the Bible again for the First Time and some of Karen Armstrongs books and Elaine Pagels books. They did more for my faith than all the safer more basic books every will. I am not the kind of person who flourishes in an environment when I can’t look outside.
I agree completely, Tom. As mariannehvest said, sometimes the outside-the-box books get us to think about why we believe what we believe as opposed to the “approved” reading list for the Christian. I remember when Blue Like Jazz got a lot of negative feedback. That book got me reading the Bible in a new light. I’ve had Christians aghast at my unashamed willingness to admit I liked it.
Thanks so much for sharing, Tom. 🙂
Hah … you are so right. But, yes, we are a questioning people And we have choice. Everyone of us. So, let’s all allow everyone to make their choices. Even deciding to fo follow is a choice.
Rob Bell – on my desk to read
Isn’t it great we were born in this century? 🙂
This post has really stirred up a lot of
discussion. Thanks for the post, Heather, and helping us to challenge our
worldviews and reasons why we choose to read what we read. Rather than get into what the post means or doesn’t mean, I took up
the challenge of the practice to write about a time when someone told me not to
read something and I did anyway. I ended up writing for about 25 minutes
instead of 15.
It was 1980 and I was sixteen. Michelle and I walked the mile
and a half from school through tree-lined suburbia back to our neighborhood
together. We gabbed about the typical things teenage girls were interested in:
who was dating whom, how the cafeteria had topped itself in grossness that day,
what movie we were going to see on Friday night, and if we’d be able to sneak
out and go to Sonny’s, the teen disco club, on Saturday again.
Michelle had a
paperback perched at the top of the stack of books she was carrying home. It
definitely wasn’t an addendum to her biology or algebra homework. A black cover
with an illustration of a young blonde girl looking out a window caught my
eye.
“What’s that book for? Is it for Mr. Fredricks science fiction class?”
“No,
I’m just reading it. It’s really good. Cherie told me about it.”
I loved
reading. If there wasn’t a book or magazine around I’d read anything that had
words on it: billboards, calendars or cereal boxes.
“There’s this crazy grandma
and this mom who has to hide her kids. It’s about the kids and what they do
while they are hiding.”
“Hmm…can I borrow it when you are done?”
“No, I borrowed
it from Cherie and she borrowed it from Lisa. Maybe you can get it at the library.”
I had decided to do just
that. The next day Michelle and I parted ways at Lockwood Avenue and I ducked
into the library.
“Can I help you young lady?” said the Librarian. She looked like a capital L librarian.
“Yes, I’m looking for a book.
It’s called ‘Flowers in the Attic’ and the author is somebody Andrews. I think
it’s a new book.”
The librarian’s brow furrowed and she cleared her throat.
“Yes, I know the book. I don’t think that is something your mother would want
you reading. Maybe you’d like to read
this one. We just got it in. Neverending
Story. Much better.” She picked the book off a stack and pointed it at me.
One thin eyebrow stood at attention.
My mother wouldn’t want me to read it?
Reading it. Today.
“No, thank you. I’d like the other one. Do you have it?”
Another throat clear. “Down that aisle.” Her grimace deepened.
Instead of going to the movies and
Sonny’s disco club, I read the book that weekend. I squirreled myself away in the
basement, just in case my mother didn’t want me reading ‘Flowers In The Attic’.
I felt so grown up and sophisticated,
but the forbidden fruit turned sour very quickly. It was a compelling story,
but once read, I couldn’t erase the images of emotional and physical abuse, a psychotic grandmother, attempted murder and incest from my teenage mind. The combination of ‘all my
friends are doing it’, the disapproval of an authority figure and possibly
raising the ire of my mother were all heady enticements for a teenager looking
for a little safe rebellion. I don’t think anything I read really affected me in an earth-shattering way, it just left me with a sticky-yucky kind of feeling, kind of like when a bomb pop melts all down your arm in the summer and you forget and lean your arm against the stoop and you have a sticky-gritty mess stuck on your arm.
I’ve learned to be more discerning in my reading
choices, taking into account people’s opinions, but leaving room to stop
reading a book if it’s not my cup of tea. I still read cereal boxes, though.
Formatting argh! Sorry, folks. 🙁
Thanks so much, Kristin, for working through the writing prompt. I love the truth, tenderness, and humility of your story. I remember reading that book and getting that same icky feeling, but it didn’t stay with me like it did for you. I’m sure it has to do with who we are as people and some psychologist could offer some cerebral reasoning for why certain books affect people in different ways. Millions of people love “Flowers”, just as they do “50 Shades” (and some hate them both, too!). That’s why we have so many different kinds of books out there. Thank God for our uniqueness.
Thanks again for choosing to share your story and showing us how making a personal choice influenced you. I appreciate your transparency. 🙂
I read that book. It left a bad mark on me too. I remember when the grandmother was old and sick and did they kill her? something about her being bald under her nightcap. Didn’t she poison them with doughnuts with powdered sugar on them. Yeah that was a weird book.
HAHA cracking up at this. I didn’t do the 15 min deal (long day) but if I had, it would have been all about Flowers In The Attic. My mom shared all her books with me and I found this series hidden behind a stack of old towels under her bathroom sink. I was instantly intrigued. I was 12 years old and I had never heard of a hidden book… what could it mean!??!!! I stole the first in the series and read it under my covers via flashlight beam. I got found out when I did an oral book report on book 4 in my Jr High english class!!!!!! CAN YOU IMAGINE!!! The rest of the series vanished from their secret hiding place and my mom had a long talk about what “little girls should and should not put into their bran.”
Great post – I love it when a discussion gets going! I do believe that a reader brings much to a book – sometimes even sees things in it that the author was unaware of. (I’m not talking about silly old shades of grey) Sometimes there is absolutely the Right book for the time and circumstances of a reader, conversely there can be the Wrong book for that time. Not Wrong because of its prose, or even its subject matter but because its “essence” was painful for that time. And, of course, no-one can know that except the reader.
Exactly! Thanks, Juliana, for this. Right or wrong is based on the choice I make, not on what someone else thinks or believes is right or wrong for me.
I love this: “I do believe that a reader brings much to a book – sometimes even sees things in it that the author was unaware of.” Writing is art. We bring to it our own experiences and perceptions.
Thanks so much for sharing!
Very true! I am taking a novel writing class and having my novel critiqued and people keep pointing out these deep tie ins that I had no idea were there! Only looking at them through another person’s eyes become crystal clear. I believe when you write a novel, anyone, you have to give yourself over to what you see and hear——there is a voice and that voice has plans!! It ties things together and send messages… the author is just along for the ride.
Very true and insightful. I also believe that the same reader can take different things out of a book at different times. At each stage of life and experience the same stimulus can elicit different responses. So depending on where we are at at that particular moment, we can get different things out of our reading and our life. That is why I enjoy re-reading books that are dear to me– every time I find something new in them.
We used to have a fortune teller, named Bobbi Whiting who lived in my grandmother’s boarding house at VA. Beach. I was about twelve, my cousins and sisters not much younger, and Bobbi was ancient (probably about the age I am now 62). She read something called “Fate” magazine. She swam in the ocean every day of her life in a golden colored bathing suit with a skirt on it. She drank coffee with condensed milk in it and she had invented a board game called Gaya based on the zodiac. Both she and my grandmother frequented the Edgar Cayce foundation and believed in reincarnation. Bobbi did astrological charts for me and Barbara. She told us we had been mermaids in a past life and were astral twins. It sounded good, but we belived none of it. When my grandmother told my father that she wanted to donate her eyes to an eyebank so she could “see what’s going on down here” after she died, my father banned the “Fate” magazines, saying it wasn’t good for “the children”. My grandmother and Bobbi, being of the old school; when men made the rules of the house, and women found ways around the rules, hid the Fate magazines under the porch. Well now – this is so predictable, that if it were a short story I wouldn’t tell you the end. Barbara and I went under the musty porch, crawling across the damp sandy dirt that smelled like cat pee, and found the magazines. They were mildewed but we brought a few up anyway. We read them and tried to levitate our bodies, but to no avail. We tried to read each others minds which was a bit more sucessful since we were both thinking about the boy in the surfer shorts who lived across the street and occupied our minds 80% of the time. We really wanted to buy a crystal that had healing powers that was advetised in the back of the magazines but didn’t have enough money. We were not ruined by what we read or didn’t read because we were still young enough to only be truly convinced by our own experience. I still think that way although I’ve seen some things in my life that mystified me.
That said I do think writers should read the kind of writing that they want to write because the rhythms and forms of what we read comes out in what we write.
I got a sample of 50 shades on my Kindle and looked at it for this post. I don’t like it, don’t want to write like that and won’t read it. I am a snob I guess, but that’s my bussiness. I would not tell anyone else to not read it because that’s their business and I think that’s what people find offensive, that others would tell them what to read or what not to read. Suggestions are one thing, orders are another and I think orders are being given to not read 50 shades and that bothers a lot of people. I am an older person though and don’t have time to waste.
Loved this! Bobbie was ancient (probably the age I am now).. ISN’T THAT THE TRUTH!! Loved you trying to reach each others minds and levitate. Thoroughly enjoyed this
Wow. You are correct on so many levels. Thank you for your honesty. I love the entire last paragraph. I want to print it out and post it on my wall. Thanks so very much for your insight. I am grateful.
I would love for you to post it on your website. This has been a very good discussion.
I love how you described that fortune teller. Sounds like she lived the life!! But I agree with you about Shades – SO much to read and only a lifetime to do it in…
Marianne, you’re a world-class scene builder.
So did you finish reading Fifty Shades of Grey?
Well, I know now that I’m not the neuromuscular anomaly with which I was born; it took me many years but I finally stopped trafficking in diagnoses and the judgements that come attached to them. Now when I’m asked that question, I answer flippantly, “Ah, I forget.” And I don’t care who it is, they’re gonna have to be satisfied with that answer.
When I was about nineteen, I mentioned to the pastor of the church I’d attended all my life that I was finding somee positive and interesting ideas in one of the “new thought” boooks.
The man almost came unglued.
“Those people,” he said. “Those people just want to do their own drinkin’.” I made a bee-line to the bookstore to buy some more new-thought books — by his reaction I knew I was onto something.
I made the choice, when I was in high school and people like Jimi Hendrix were all the rage, to listen to Hank Williams, Sr. There was just something about those stripped-down, supercharged lyrics of his that made me want to write songs like that. I’ve never succeeded, but I’ve had lots of fun trying.
I still like, and play on my guitar and my keyboard, the big-band jazz of the 1930’s and -’40s that I used to hear on my dad’s old 78 rpm records — he had an old wind-up Victrola, originally five feet tall, which he sawed in half for me when I was four so I could reach the turntable and the crank; that’s when I became a fan of Goodman, Shaw, Ellington and others. I still love that music but I get some funny looks from my contemporaries.
After making the discovery that I just wasn’t that good a husband, step-father and -grandfather, I made the choice to live alone. I love the freedom to go where I want, pretty much when I want to go there, without having to consult the tribe. That is sometimes viewed as an unususal choice in the context of a culture affected by a mania for “family”, and I’m aware that there are those convinced that there is something quite wrong with me.
But, as I learned from Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way, “personal integrity does not rest with a consensus of one’s friends and acquaintances.”
Good for you John, and I think you should include that Victrola in a short story!
That is an excellent idea! Thank you!
John, in that quote you included from The Artist’s Way, you summed up my point. Thank you. 🙂
I am one who reads EVERYTHING… I switch it up. I always have 2 books going, one I am actually reading and one I’m listening to on audio. What I listen to on audio spans the spectrum. I feel no guilt for audio books since I only listen to them when I am doing something I should do… but wholly dislike doing (the audio book is how I bribe myself to FREAKING GET IT DONE!): like laundry, dishes, peeling potatoes, weeding the garden… things like that. When I have a good book, my house SPARKLES, a boring book… it shows, laundry piles up, pee on the toilet seats (I have 3 boys), that sort of thing.
Anyway, I have listened to some naughty things… things I am embarrassed to admit and NEVER recommend to anyone (ie) The Black Dagger Brotherhood series (ALL 7 BOOKS!!). I am not against it if it gets the laundry done and the reason I didn’t rush out to listen to 50 Shades of Gray was because EVERYONE WAS TELLING ME I HAD TO, and I hate being told what to do. You aren’t the boss of me!! I eventually did get the audio but the reader was horrific, she used this valley girl voice. I made it 5 hours in and gave up, could not understand the appeal. However, I have seriously snooty reader friends who loved the series… friends who only read classics… so I am still finding the entire phenomenon fascinating. What I find most amazing is that everyone admits they’ve read it and openly tells other people to read it. I see it on facebook and twiter. I think of my own sneaky guilty listens and I can guarantee there is NO POSSIBLE WAY I would tweet about them!!
But I’m still curious. I might have to give the book another try on my next beach vacation… find out what it is exactly that is captivating so many.
I’m with you about books on tape. I like murder mysteries on tape because they are not the kind of thing that if you miss a turn of phrase you are missing much. Like you my house gets exceptionally dirty (mine is bad to begin with) if I don’t have something to listen too. But I’ve found that, if I sit down to write just after listening to a book on tape, my writing rhythm is similar to the rhythm in the book I just heard. I think it’s involuntary like a child copying their parents voice inflections, rhythms etc. I can overcome that by reading poems aloud, but usually I choose to just not do the housework at all, problem solved, writing accomplished, company not at my house. ; )
That is true about how it effects your writing, especially when listening to an audio book. I learned that first hand while listening to a Neil Gaiman audio… I was doing a lot of free writing to get to the end of my novel and when I went back and read what I’d written months later I realized it was Neil Gaiman style and not my own– didn’t match the rest of the book. So I ditched that material and rewrote. Now, I write in the morning and don’t start working around the house till closer to 4… plenty of time to clear the mind. Good idea about the poem… I’ll have to try that.
Hi Alisha. I’m a four-book-at-a-time reader too! I wish I could listen to audio tapes. I’m losing my hearing, so it’s hard for me to stay focused.
Thanks so much for commenting. You are hilarious. 🙂
Thinking back to the writing prompt and not the backdrop, I remembered that time I was in the library with my dil and grandkids, and overheard an argument between mother and child about a book choice. This is what that conversation prompted me to write:
Reading is an all engrossing adventure for me. My general reading style is to pick up a
book on Friday, once I’m done with my work for the week, and read it straight
through. Saturday morning I’m usually
ready to devour my next book. After the weekend, I generally try to avoid new books, because I
know that once I start, nothing will get done at home or at work until I’ve
reached the last page.
However, a recent trip to the library, reminded me that it
wasn’t always this way. At the library I
overheard a child, who appeared to be about 8 or 9 years old, arguing with her
mother about a library book. The girl
wanted to take out a book that her mother thought she wasn’t ready for. The child insisted she wanted to read the
book she chose, her mother insisted that she first demonstrate her readiness to
read that book by finishing several easy staged reading books. It brought back memories of my own early
reading stages.
My mother is fond of reminding me that present habits aside,
as a young child I did not particularly enjoy being read to. Although she began taking me to the library
at a young age–and I do remember loving both my weekly trips to the library
and my time browsing the library’s bookshelves–I had little patience for
hearing the books read. The only book
that I really loved, and wanted to hear over and over again, was Richard
Scarry’s ” Naughty Bunny,” a
character with which I strongly identified.
All these years later, and that book still brings a smile to my face.
Then first grade came. I was seated in the second row of desks, where
I learned all my ABC’s, and became familiar with Dick and Jane, their mother
and father, their sister Sally and let’s not forget their dog, Spot. When spring came, the teacher divided our
class into “Robins” and “Blue Jays.” My seat in the second row was now among the 6
rows that comprised Robin territory. Perhaps I was bored. Perhaps I did not find “See Spot. See Spot run.
Run, Spot, run!” especially stimulating. But whatever the reason, I was moved to the
middle of the last 2 rows–which were now Blue Jay territory–and seated next to
a new immigrant from South America who spoke little English.
It was late May that I finally found my wings. A 2-day holiday was coming up, with no
swimming and no television. Before the
holiday, my mother took me and my brother to the library. As usual, she let me browse the shelves and
choose any book I wanted. I chose Frank
Baum’s “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.”
It was a case of love at first sight, or maybe I should say, love from first
page. Once I began that book, I was so
mesmerized that I was unable to put it down.
I do not remember how my mother got me to put the book down at night to
go to sleep. I DO remember bringing the
book with me to the table for all my meals and reading while I ate whatever was
on my plate. By the time the holiday was
over, I had finished all 300 plus pages of that book and transformed my
life.
It is not just that one little blue jay learned to fly, but
that that little blue jay learned the power of reading: How a good back can transport you to other
worlds and open your mind to new experiences; how a book can teach you all
manners of things, and in fun ways too.
My mother never tried
to guide my reading selections. She let
me make my own choices and learn all on my own what was good, and what was
worthy. Over the years, I did choose
some books that weren’t worth the time I spent reading them. And I also chose books, occasionally, that I
was too young to appreciate at the time.
But reading books that weren’t worth the read helped teach me the
difference between good and bad both in terms of writing and content. And reading books that I was not mature
enough to appreciate- well, I went back to some of them later and enjoyed them
all the more for realizing that it was I and not the book that had
changed.
I am not against guiding children, in fact I’m all for
it. Buy them good books to
treasure. Tell them classic tales that
you enjoy. But also allow them to follow
their hearts. They may surprise you– and
then you can discover the joy of watching them soar.
Thanks so much for sharing this, Mirelba. I love the last line so much. And I agree with you about letting kids follow their hearts.
I can’t tell you how many times I have re-read a book I loved as a child and wondered why I loved it so much. Or picked up a book I used to loathe and discovered some gem within its pages. You are correct. WE change. The books don’t.
Thanks again for commenting. 🙂
Lots and lots of comments. Wow! Didn’t get through them all so I hope I’m not repeating someone BUT for me 50 Shades was a woman going for it in terms of what she enjoys sexually, putting it all into words. Haven’t we complained for eons that women are deprived of/judged for/embarrassed about sexual language and imagery? And guess what, a woman’s gone for it – only to be told that she’s written it wrong, that it’s the wrong kind of sex, etc etc. Try harder, get it right, how dare you! A familiar response? Mercifully millions of women have bought the book and if those openly reading it on the campsite where I had my holiday are anything to go by (heads firmly between the pages while children drowned and husbands fished), they know what they want and are coughing up the dosh. Good on you E L James! Your book does what it says on the tin. It’s not Jane Austen, and not a sex manual – it’s a wonderful hot, dirty book. Will I read numbers two and three? Or my book group’s worthy 800 pager?? Another cliffhanger ending …….
Loved this! I’ve been waiting for someone to say they liked it! Isn’t is fascinating that people ARE reading it so openly? It doesn’t bother me, or offend me, I just find it interesting. What makes this dirty book less shameful to be caught reading then other dirty books? hmmmm….
Hey J. Thanks so much for offering feedback based on actually having read the book. And I LOVE that you included the element of “wrong”. What’s right for one may be totally wrong for another. Who are we to judge?
I also love that you pointed out that James never claimed her book as Pulitzer-Prize-winning literature or as a mystery. She put it out there. People can choose to read it. On their own. Without the naysayers.
Thanks again for your insight. I appreciate it. 🙂
Heather, not only do I agree with what you’ve written, I applaud your writing style! Engaging and to the point. As to reading and who’s choice that might be, I too believe it’s my time and also my dollar that allows me to read what I choose to read. As others have said, if the evangelicals are watching, I’m in trouble because I’ll be labeled with the “H” Tom Wideman referred to in his comments. But in so doing, I’m hoping to challenge myself, stretch myself and teach myself something I may not know. Stretching, challenging and learning are often threatening to many so they avoid anything that might cause any one of the three. I consider each one a brass ring and grab as fast as I can!
Thanks so much, Sherrey. I have one wondered how people believe what they do without understanding why they believe it in the first place. I love your idea of stretching, challenging, and learning. I don’t want to grow complacent in my beliefs or in who I am. That’s why I make choices. And their MY choices. Right or wrong.
Thanks again. I appreciate this. 🙂
Oops. *they’re NOT their MY choice. Grrr…. Sorry
I haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey. Yet. My son’s girlfriend raved about it. Said she stayed up 6 hours one night, reading it, and bought and read the whole series.
I admit I was put off by the review of bad writing.
And I’m not turned on by bondage.
But that’s just me.
There’s lots of books I don’t read, wouldn’t enjoy, because I don’t enjoy that particular kind of book.
I read an excerpt from the book and that didn’t sway me into reading it either.
But then, I don’t as a rule, read reviews.
I go to Amazon, download a sample, and if the book is right for me, I buy the book to read the rest of it.
So by paying attention to the poor review, I’ve broken my own rule, which is ‘judge for myself.’
But I’m still not feeling an urge to click over and download a sample.
So I’ll think about it.
With so many sales and enthusiastic readers, the author isn’t going to miss me as a reader.
And maybe I’ll get around to it at some point.
Kudos to her for writing a hit series.
Writers should probably read her books just to see if they can figure out her magic ingredient.
I couldn’t agree more, Louise. She has obviously written something people are reading – good or bad. Wrong or right.
Thanks so much for your honesty.
Great post, Heather. Did you end up reading 50 Shades? What’d you think?
This happened to me recently with a song. A friend told me a song was really well written so I should listen to it. At first, I did it just to appease my friend. It was ok. A few months later, I heard the song again and–knowing my friend knows more about songwriting than I do–I listened differently and was amazed at the brilliance of the songwriter. I never would have noticed the great word-smith-ing if a friend hadn’t complemented the song.
Hey Katie. Thanks!
No, I haven’t read it. Sorry I can’t tell you what I think. I’m sure you could find quite a few people who haven’t read it who would be more than happy to offer their thoughts. Heh-heh.
Out of curiosity, which song did your friend recommend? I used to sing a lot, so words and melody were important to me. Now, music is primarily noise but I still love a song with a good message. 🙂
Thanks for commenting, Katie.
Quite true. Quite true. I haven’t read it either.
“In the Room There’s a Girl” by Sara Groves
Yeah sometimes recommendations are the only way we find our way to certain things. Other times it makes for awkward situations because you feel obliged to follow the cues, and the recommended thing didn’t have the same positive effect as intended.
http://goo.gl/eMlE4
http://goo.gl/wIr2Z
Interesting ideas going on here. I’m actually reading for my thesis right now and have run into many conversations (aka SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME) about literary merit–what makes writing GOOD? What makes art ART? Perhaps we’re asking the wrong questions. We should be asking, why are choosing to read this and what does it mean/do for us? Are we reading Time’s Top 100 Booklist to say we’ve done it, or Joyce’s Ulysses or Finnegan’s Wake for the challenge or Fifty Shades of Grey for the eroticism or the cultural inquiry? I guess, for me, I’d like to say I read the books I read because I want to experience other viewpoints and paradigms because I only have my own and I want to learn more. Perhaps it’s not what we read but how we approach reading that tells us more about ourselves.
Wow, Tara. Brilliant analysis. Thank you so much for sharing. And I agree. Completely. 🙂
Before I start, I’d like to explain that I’m not really too used to making my own decisions. Well, in the presence of my grandmother anyway. She’s pretty much the boss of the household. Whenever I speak my mind, she’d start nagging. If I hold firm to my decision, she’ll continue her nagging until:
a) I give up.
b) one of us drops dead.
There is ONE decision I made, however, that made me glad that I didn’t listen to her. (Only one. You now have an idea of how much my grandmother nags.)
First of all, my mom, brother, and I attend this weekly Catholic group meeting called “The Feast”. I guess we were bound to go, anyway; the Feast’s founder was also the man who started the homeschooling program I have been in for six years, and many of my buddies were Feast attendees.
At the start, my grandma was okay with it, because it was a religious activity and she was quite the Catholic. She goes to Mass nearly everyday and attends prayer meetings thrice a week.
But then, as we started to join the Feast’s ministries and give more money, she started complaining again, telling us not to spend too much of our time there and go to the Church instead.
When it rains for a while, she’ll tell us we might get caught up in heavy downpour. (We commute to the Feast, as our car doesn’t work really well.) When my little four-year-old brother gets in his “I WANT MAMA TO STAY!” mood, she tells us to stay and console him or he won’t feel loved. When my older brother pooes four times before we leave, she says to stay or he might get diarrhea during the meeting.
I don’t really see much wrong with going there. I mean, it’s religious, it’s fun, and I meet a bunch of new people. I could develop my talents, too, as a Feast blog writer and regular performer.
So one day I just lost it and shouted, “Will you PLEASE leave us alone? I know you probably mean good with all that–though it doesn’t really seem like it, sorry–but this is OUR choice, and it’s actually one of the few choices I make that wouldn’t set the house on fire or break the TV!”
Except I said all that in my diary.
But, kidding aside, I’ve just decided to acknowledge my granny’s concerns but not really listen to them. After roughly a year and a quarter of being a regular attendee, my Sunday isn’t complete without going there.
And my decision paid off.
I’ve met tons of new people who are now my regular textmates (meaning awesomely close friends, in my book), lost my stage fright, learned more from experienced and published authors, AND became a better Catholic.
There may be a time when I have to make a decision just like that again, a decision to stand my ground and not let my grandma’s nagging change my mind, but until then, I’ll just enjoy annoying my Feast textmates!
(P.S.: That Fifty Shades of Grey…sounds…so…FUN! I shall read that real soon! :D)
I’ve been getting the same thing from people about this book. Although one friend kept telling me to read it. After the whole Twilight thing, where people were so negative about those books, including me, and realizing that you can’t really judge a book by its cover, I decided to give Fifty Shades of Grey a go. I have actually been enjoying the book immensely. I will admit that the writing itself is very amateurish, but the story is excellent and makes up for it. In fact, I’d rather read a great story written poorly than a bad story written well.