Since we're talking about story today, why don't we kick it off with one. As you read, see if you can identify the element of storytelling.
I walked over to Tommy and slapped him in the face.
“Argh!” he said. “Why did you do that?”
“You know why,” I said.
Some background: Tommy was telling us a story he had just written. It was really bad. He needed a slap.
On Tommy's face was the red imprint of a hand.
My hand stung, but I felt good for standing up to bad storytelling.
Still, I wondered if I had gone too far.
The Foundation of Writing
Some people say there are five elements of story. Some say ten. I say six (for now at least). Here they are:
1. Action. What are the people in your story doing?
2. Dialogue. What are they saying?
3. Description. What are they seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, and smelling?
4. Introspection (also known as inner monologue). What are they thinking?
5. Emotion. How do they feel?
6. Exposition. What other information does the narrator (IE you) want us to know?
Here is the story above tagged with its element:
I walked over to Tommy and slapped him in the face. ACTION
“Argh!” he said. “Why did you do that?”
“You know why,” I said. DIALOGUE
Some background: Tommy was telling us a story he had just written. It was really bad. He needed a slap. EXPOSITION
There was an outline of a hand on Tommy's face. It was red. DESCRIPTION
My hand stung, but I felt good that I had stood up against bad storytelling. EMOTION
Still, I wondered what had come over me. INTROSPECTION
If You Don't Have Balance, You Get Slapped
About a week ago, Ryan posted a practice on An Interview With Tom Davis, Pt I. He had some good things to say, but his writing centered on just two elements. After I told him to try to touch on all the elements, his writing got much better.
Wiggle room is allowed, though. For example, some writers will focus on one or two of these more than the others.
If you favor a particular element more than the others, that's awesome. Part of discovering your voice is finding your own balance. Just don't forget the others.
Another important thing, most literary writers tend to avoid exposition. Use too much and you'll be accused of “telling” rather than “showing.” Exposition is the mayonnaise of storytelling. It can make for a moist, delicious sandwich, but too much will trigger your gag reflex.
PRACTICE
Write a story about a schoolyard fight. Try to use all six elements of storytelling. If you don't, I'm going to come to your house and slap you. Seriously. I'll hack your email address, find out where you live, and slap you. Watch yourself.
Fifteen minutes. Post it in the comments.
(Also, I don't know actually how to hack an email address. In case you were legitimately worried. Hyperbole, people.)
I entered the school yard and there they were, embroiled in a brawl.
I rushed forward to break up the fight.
“What do you think you are doing!” I shouted, forcibly holding back the two boys by the skin of my teeth.
The air was thick with anger. I almost saw Tom turning red in the face.
“Whatever do you care!” he yelled, pulling a punch at me.
Yeah. Good question. Why did I bother?
But for the love of men.
Nice. I think you got them all.
ACTION I entered the school yard and there they were, embroiled in a brawl.
ALSO ACTION I rushed forward to break up the fight.
DIALOGUE + ACTION “What do you think you are doing!” I shouted, forcibly holding back the two boys by the skin of my teeth.
EMOTION + DESCRIPTION The air was thick with anger. I almost saw Tom turning red in the face.
DIALOGUE “Whatever do you care!” he yelled, pulling a punch at me.
INTROSPECTION Yeah. Good question. Why did I bother?
EITHER INTROSPECTION OR EXPOSITION (NOT SURE WHICH ) But for the love of men.
One small thing: “Whatever do you care,” has an off sound to it. Can’t see a schoolchild saying that. Also, “the skin of my teeth” is a cliche which you want to avoid. I appreciated how you were Action “heavy,” though. Action is the most important element, in my opinion.
i can see a middle schooler saying that.
I entered the school yard and there they were, embroiled in a brawl.
I rushed forward to break up the fight.
“What do you think you are doing!” I shouted, forcibly holding back the two boys by the skin of my teeth.
The air was thick with anger. I almost saw Tom turning red in the face.
“Whatever do you care!” he yelled, pulling a punch at me.
Yeah. Good question. Why did I bother?
But for the love of men.
Nice. I think you got them all.
ACTION I entered the school yard and there they were, embroiled in a brawl.
ALSO ACTION I rushed forward to break up the fight.
DIALOGUE + ACTION “What do you think you are doing!” I shouted, forcibly holding back the two boys by the skin of my teeth.
EMOTION + DESCRIPTION The air was thick with anger. I almost saw Tom turning red in the face.
DIALOGUE “Whatever do you care!” he yelled, pulling a punch at me.
INTROSPECTION Yeah. Good question. Why did I bother?
EITHER INTROSPECTION OR EXPOSITION (NOT SURE WHICH ) But for the love of men.
One small thing: “Whatever do you care,” has an off sound to it. Can’t see a schoolchild saying that. Also, “the skin of my teeth” is a cliche which you want to avoid. I appreciated how you were Action “heavy,” though. Action is the most important element, in my opinion.
Jody pulled a cigarette from his pack and slid it between his lips. Before he could light it I quickly walked over to him—he didn’t see me coming. I grabbed the cigarette from his mouth and tossed it into a puddle on the ground.
“What?” he asked.
“You’re killing yourself with those things.” I reached into his shirt pocket and pulled the pack out, squashed it in my fist, then tossed the pack into the same puddle. “I don’t want to see the same thing happen to you that happened to my brother.”
“Your brother did Skoal, not cigarettes.” His cheeks reddened, his eyes narrowed. “You owe me five-bucks!”
“Good luck on collecting it,” I said. “It makes me nervous to see someone I care about lighting up a cigarette as if there is no danger in smoking.”
“Maybe you should just mind your own business.” I saw his fingers wrap themselves into a tight fist. I knew what was coming and as scared as I was, I held my ground. I’m afraid of Jody, he’s a big guy, wrestler big, and I knew he could hurt me if he wanted to. But we have been friends for a long time so I took a chance.
“I am minding my own business, and that’s what puts me right here, getting on your back for smoking.”
“How do you figure that’s your business?” He moved back a step, I knew he was jockeying for room to swing.
“It’s my business when someone I care about is doing themselves harm.” I smiled at him. “And you’re someone I care about.”
“How am I supposed to argue with that?” I watched him un-ball his fist as a smile cracked across his face.
“Why argue?”
“Okay, okay.” He put his arm around my neck in a wrestling hold and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“And I don’t owe you five-bucks either!”
Jody pulled a cigarette from his pack and slid it between his lips. Before he could light it I quickly walked over to him—he didn’t see me coming. I grabbed the cigarette from his mouth and tossed it into a puddle on the ground.
“What?” he asked.
“You’re killing yourself with those things.” I reached into his shirt pocket and pulled the pack out, squashed it in my fist, then tossed the pack into the same puddle. “I don’t want to see the same thing happen to you that happened to my brother.”
“Your brother did Skoal, not cigarettes.” His cheeks reddened, his eyes narrowed. “You owe me five-bucks!”
“Good luck on collecting it,” I said. “It makes me nervous to see someone I care about lighting up a cigarette as if there is no danger in smoking.”
“Maybe you should just mind your own business.” I saw his fingers wrap themselves into a tight fist. I knew what was coming and as scared as I was, I held my ground. I’m afraid of Jody, he’s a big guy, wrestler big, and I knew he could hurt me if he wanted to. But we have been friends for a long time so I took a chance.
“I am minding my own business, and that’s what puts me right here, getting on your back for smoking.”
“How do you figure that’s your business?” He moved back a step, I knew he was jockeying for room to swing.
“It’s my business when someone I care about is doing themselves harm.” I smiled at him. “And you’re someone I care about.”
“How am I supposed to argue with that?” I watched him un-ball his fist as a smile cracked across his face.
“Why argue?”
“Okay, okay.” He put his arm around my neck in a wrestling hold and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“And I don’t owe you five-bucks either!”
Like always, I looked over to the fields. Like always, there would be Jerry the asshole bullying some kids.
Oh noes they would cry. But Jerry would be like Ha weaklings. Get on my level.
“Look at him, bullying those kids” I said to my friends. “Just look at him, bullying those kids as if he owns this place”
“Well why don’t you do something about it?” My friend replied.
He’s right. Wow, why didn’t I think of this before.
I stood up and ran up to Jerry.
“Ha weaklings! Get on my le-”
POW!!! My leg smashed into his rib cage. Jerry flew a good yard before landing on his ass.
“Gah, WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR???”
I stood there confused. What do you mean why? Wait….why did I do that again?
I looked at him covering his stomach in pain. I looked around to see people staring in shock.
I didn’t get it. Didn’t I do the good thing? Wait why did I even kick this kid? Hmmm….
Like always, I looked over to the fields. Like always, there would be Jerry the asshole bullying some kids.
Oh noes they would cry. But Jerry would be like Ha weaklings. Get on my level.
“Look at him, bullying those kids” I said to my friends. “Just look at him, bullying those kids as if he owns this place”
“Well why don’t you do something about it?” My friend replied.
He’s right. Wow, why didn’t I think of this before.
I stood up and ran up to Jerry.
“Ha weaklings! Get on my le-”
POW!!! My leg smashed into his rib cage. Jerry flew a good yard before landing on his ass.
“Gah, WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR???”
I stood there confused. What do you mean why? Wait….why did I do that again?
I looked at him covering his stomach in pain. I looked around to see people staring in shock.
I didn’t get it. Didn’t I do the good thing? Wait why did I even kick this kid? Hmmm….
—Took around 25 minutes to write (according to the e-book, it said 30) plus 4 minutes of slight editing—
The punch was delivered mercilessly upon Johnny’s nose and he screamed in pain, his spit flying all over the attacker’s hand. Being smaller than most boys, he quickly ducked underneath and rammed his head into Jim’s stomach. [ACTION]
‘I’m going to kill you for this!’ Jim shouted over the uproar of “Fight, fight, fight!” [DIALOGUE, more ahead]
Johnny retaliated quickly, biting Jim’s left hand with such ferocity that I cringed in horror. I could see both of them shaking in anger. Man makes enemies too quickly, I realized as Jim brought his hand down upon Johnny’s shoulder.
Johnny and Jim were in fact, friends. Being slightly close to each other, Jim used to lend him his iPod while going home from school. Today, not so long ago, poor Johnny, upon a suggestion from a senior had decided that the iPod was dirty and washed it beneath the school tap, rinsing it thoroughly and even proceeding to dip the headphones into the slush. [EXPOSITION]
The horror of his act was revealed to Jim when Johnny tried to return the iPod
discreetly into Jim’s bag. And now, the whole schoolyard was abuzz with excited
boys, waiting to see who would win. I was one of them, you know, “the unknowns”.
So, as Johnny nearly tore of a piece of Jim’s hand and Jim mercilessly pounded him upon his shoulder, one of our teachers, Mr. Jacob came running into the yard to get a hold of the situation.
‘Those two guys are going to get expelled,’ I heard a guy mutter behind me. I turned around and realized that he was the boy who had told Johnny that the iPod was dirty.
I cursed him discreetly and turned around. [EMOTION] The ring that we had formed around the two boys gently retreated and formed an opening to let Mr. Jacob enter. He looked flustered from his running.
Two seniors pulled Jim and Johnny apart, who, by now, looked like two savage animals, waiting to tear each other apart.
‘What happened?’ Mr. Jacob asked and Jim screamed out the whole story to him, not stopping to even breathe.
‘That’s not true!’ Johnny shouted over the uproar.
‘He did it on purpose!’ Jim shouted back.
‘I did not!’
‘You did!’
‘I did not!’
‘You’re not my friend anymore!’
‘Huh! You think you deserve to be mine?’
‘ENOUGH!’ Mr. Jacob intervened all of a sudden.
‘Johnny, I want to you say sorry to Jim right now
and shake hands with him.’
‘But sir-!’
‘Just do as I say, Johnny. Do you want me to punish
both of you?’
Johnny’s face convulsed into an ugly emotion. He was fighting within himself to resist the urge to talk back. [DESCRIPTION] Then, he suddenly relaxed, and walked towards the dirtied Jim.
‘I-I’m sorry,’ he muttered and although I could not see Jim clearly (Mr. Jacob blocked him), I realized that Jim had muttered his forgiveness.
‘Alright, now you boys come with me. You need to visit the nurse. And once you are cleaned up, we will have a…little chat,’ Mr. Jacob said and I realized
that Jim was going to face trouble for bringing something as valuable as his
iPod to school.
The senior behind me chuckled gently and called his friends, ‘Let’s go guys!’ he muttered, and as they left, I realized that they had planned this. It was just that they had never thought that it would get so entertaining.
Disgusted, I began my walk back home when I saw the (once white) iPod lying harmlessly on the ground. I picked it up gently and wiped its dirt on my T-shirt.
Why do people fight when things can be sorted out quicker by just using gentle words? I wouldn’t have resorted to fighting in this case, at least! [INTROSPECTION]
My belief further strengthened when I stuck the earphones into my ears and switched the device on. As I walked back home, my feet pounding the pavement in rhythm with the music, I realized that Johnny and Jim had technically…fought for nothing!
Your choice of topic is interesting. It was an enjoyable story. Editing and revision can make a world of difference. The “visual quality” of the piece is lacking to some degree, though only at points.
Reminds me of a couple of biblical verses:
I think this short story is very interesting and has a great balance of content. I feel a few edits could make it even better.
Honestly, I thought and wished the narrator had punched the instigating student(s).
There is another biblical saying that talks of God hating worst one who turns brother against brother. I found this story also reminded me of that.
Good content.
Thanks for the Bible reference. It was insightful!
Yes, I do need to make the content visually appealing and make a few edits. I’ll definitely look into it!!
You said that:
“There is another biblical saying that talks of God hating worst one who turns brother against brother. I found this story also reminded me of that.”
Yup…that was the sorta hidden message I wanted to convey. But I didn’t relate it to God..but just to humans and their ugly ways.
And that, precisely is the reason why the narrator didn’t slap the two boys (because he didn’t want to drag the issue further, nor did he have to power or influence to do so). He was one of the “unknown, unseen” boys (those who are there, but never seem to make much of a difference).
I just wanted to say that these people have opinions too…even if they remain silent in front of a crowd. 😉
Of course they do. I would rather be deep, unseen, and kind than shallow, popular, and vile.
🙂
Same here!
A very well written piece filled with intensity. As a writer, you do a great job of making an emotional connection and impact with your audience. Excellence in appealing to the senses, and giving introspection in this piece.
The punch was a haphazard mess of a blow. My eyes popped and watered as my cheek greeted the blow. My glasses were off my face now. What the fuck had I been thinking? It was five bucks. That’s all it was, just five-
Ow! My stomach was lead. I could hear people screaming, but the voices were muffled as though I were in a tunnel far away from the entrance.
“You wanna say that again, you smartass?” My groin was next in line for punishing.
“Oooh!” I hooted. My legs shook and gave out, my hands grabbing down. I lay on the ground now, curled up, fetal like.
Fucking Christ! My balls!
I moaned, tears welling in my eyes. It was his money now, no doubt about that. The boy’s face swam into my vision, all melty though, like my eyes were dirty. Dirty with tears, I thought.
“You wanna say that again?” The question was a whisper, but it came loud and clear to my ears.
I mumbled. I was done for. Why did I say that? It was such a stupid thing to say. Arrogance. What, did I expect a fancy suit would protect me? Ridiculous!
I glimpsed the shimmer of metal on the ground not a few feet away from me. I craned my neck toward the specs, as if I could will them back onto my face.
No such luck, though. A great big black and brown musty boot was there suddenly instead. Dust flew in my eyes.
“My glasses.” The voice was hoarse, a whisper, a mumble. I felt like my body was a giant lump, a heavy mass I could not will to move. I hated my body. This fat round tub of a thing, cradling my weak and whimpering mind.
Five fucking dollars. Just money. More than enough to buy a pack of gum, let alone lunch.
The round ball of bile in my throat was swallowed then as a dirty hand puled me up to my feet.
“I want my money! Give me my fucking money!” The boy’s voice had the vocal timbre of a fluctuating violin string being tuned, a warble gifted by the boy’s approaching puberty.
I had no control over my mouth when I said that stupid remark I took for sass. But my fists were up now. I could use those, right?
If the boy’s punches hit like sloppy surfer waves, mine hit like a hand slapping Jel-O. There was a jiggle, I felt the jiggle, but nothing after that. No satisfactory contact, or recognition that I had caused pain.
Just mild irritation and a smile from the lunch money-steeling boy. He bounced on his feet, gesturing at me to go again.
“Alright,” his lips said. “Come on. Give it another go.” The voice was hazy, but there was no mistaking the cocky tone, and the panting was in there too somewhere.
My arm swung up.
The courage that should have mustered in me before the swing did not even bother to grant me with a glance never mind a helping hand. Was I too fat for even this?
Well, apparently my arm had a courage all it’s own then, because the strength was like a rocket or slingshot had sprung my arm back and up. I heard a pop, a teeth-hurting crack and the boy’s face lumped and exploded in a spray of red.
My arm pulled back, my eyes tracking the boy’s stumble and fall to the ground. The thud came as he landed on his brawny ass. The white noise of the screaming people had died out.
I walked myself over to teh square-jawed muscle pack on the ground.
“I’m getting my lunch now,” I said. I don’t know if he heard me. I did not care.
My arm had blood on it.
And it shivered.
~~~~~~
note: there is cursing.
~~~~~~
Hey Fatty! I say
She turns. Her eyes with small bags of skin rolled beneath them, stares back at me. Then she breaks into a jog, huffing as she comes. Her thighs clap. Then we are face to face.
She pats her swollen fingers at her sides, wiping away the greasy sweat, and then looks at me again. Blue eyes. Reminding me of him.
You think you’re clever don’t you? she says.
“Maybe yes or no.” The courtyard sounds went to murmers. People started to gather, putting us in the center of a circle. “But you are just a disgusting pig! School should have you discharged, no animals allowed on campus.” I continue.
There was no doubt about it, she was pissed. Shock and revulsion expressed on her face and wiped away, pure anger taking its place. She ran towards me, for me it seemed to be happening in slow motion. I could see the fat rolls bouncing in the air, like a melody. Like the waves in the ocean. What will be will be, it seemed to sing, crooning the lyrics.
Then her fist came towards me, in an instant the fist pounded my cheek, and I fell. The back of my head popped against the cement. I lay there unsure of whether to try and get up or just let myself crash out. My head stung. I touched the area with my fingers and brought my fingers in front of my face and stared at the warm blood that was rolling to the ground. I rocked forward moaning as I did, my legs strained under the weight as I picked myself up. I stood slapping the dust off my pants. My ribs got hot inside from anger seething in me. I looked at her, she had that fake prissy little scowl. I am so tough it seemed to say. I jump up and slap her arm and then jump back like a ninja or a cat with some extra lives and kick her shin solidly. She reaches for her shin, her hand strokes it tenderly.
Then after a moment she whips back up and marches towards me. Then she pushes, my butt falls squarely on the pavement taking its full hardness into me, my nerves announcing the pain. Everyone in the court yard is staring at me and I don’t care, I just want to run now. Run and cry a loud cry.
Fuck you. I say almost out of hearing range, in a defeated tone.
Her hand slaps my face again. The sound echos across the courtyard. You’re just a fucking loser and everyone knows it. You think I care if you don’t like me.
I say nothing. Just stare out. The taste of blood and dirt in my mouth. The air was hushed, and people held their breath in reverance, not for me obviously. She saunters off, her wide hips rocking side to side as she goes.
James darted out of the lobby. He ran to the schoolyard with the three boys chasing him. He wasn’t fast enough, so the bullies were able to catch up. They tugged his collar and beated him up with their sticks.
“Agh, stop!” James cried out. “Don’t- ugh!”
“Shut up, twick,” the taller one told him as he whacked James’ head with a stick.
“This is your own fault,” the beefy one said.
From afar, the boys’ leader, Nate, watched the entire scenario. He stood by the tall mango tree that stood in the center of the grounds. His blue baseball cap covered his eyes and his tall, lanky figure camoflauged him under the shade.
He achieved the vengeance he always wanted, but he wasn’t fulfilled. A little part inside him was tugged out, and he didn’t understand why. He knew he already got even, but Nate didn’t know what was missing.
What if he also made a mistake?
It was ten on ten. We all stood nose to nose. Just waiting to see who was going to throw the first punch. “Hey John Boy I think it is about time to get this ass kicking going.” I replied.
I threw that first kick right to his nuts. He folded like an knife. As he came down I gave him a fast hard knee right to the face. Man his nose split wide open. The blood was running all over the ground.
By this time the fight was on all 20 of was were neither punching or kicking on someone else. I haven’t had this much funny in a long. I grabbed the next biggest guy I could get my hands. I punch him right in the mouth. “Damn that hurt.” I bellowed out. I cut my knuckles on his teeth.
That was okay I am pretty sure he lost about 2 or 3 of them. I took a quick look around to see how we were doing. “Damn guys let’s go we are losing this fight against these band geeks.” I yelled out. Damn what is the football coach going to say when he finds out we lost to the band geeks.
About that time I felt like my face had just been hit with a baseball bat. Damn this boy was huge. He stood every bit of 6’1 and had to weight in around 220lbs. “That’s what you get for hitting my bother.” He yell at me.
He turn around and caught my boy Josh with a hammer fist right to the chin. Josh hot the ground like a bag of bricks. “Josh are you okay? I yelled. Josh just laid there not moving. “Who’s next?” As the giant yelled out.
I made myself back up to my feet. “I give up, hell we give up.” I bellowed out. The fighting stopped. I looked at the giant. “Damn it man you can hit hard. You should join the football team the way you can hit people.” I said. He just turn towards me give me a big smile. “Where do I sign up at?” He replied.
It took a little long than 15 to writing. Thank you for reading. Let me hear your feed backs. Thanks again.
James
“You’d think she’d been flayed, the way she’s sprawled. She’s such a Drama Queen, honestly, by her expression you wouldn’t think she started it, now, would you?” Jenny clucked, then took the gum she’d been talking around out if her mouth. She looked at it for a second, as if she didn’t know where it had come from then, promptly, stuck its gooey surface to the underside of the bench. Disgust flooded, Tarna, couldn’t decide which spectacle was more horrific: Jenny and her queasy mannerisms, or brain-dead Sasha’s beating of poor, cowering Winifred.
Tarna looked away, she swung her dark eyes to the sky. There, she found escape; dense clouds scudded by, heavy with the promise of rain in their bellies. There had always been something about their cottony texture that captured her, pulled her away from the swirling dirt of the bleak town she lived in, separated her from the pointless violence of her peers. Soothed, she cast her eyes back at Winfred. Then, she found a courage she didn’t know she had, it must have been very well tucked and hidden away under her devil-may-care facade, because not even bad-ass Sasha interfered when she hoisted Winny from the floor.
Strangely, the only thing she remembered about the beginning of her friendship with Winifred, was the look of total incomprehension in Jenny’s dim eyes.
at first I want you to post your comment at my e-mail;I tried to write stories , and do my best to use some of the six elements ,I was very happy doing it ,but when I read about ethical problems I felt as if I am complaining about other people ,what do you think ?How Could I change them to storie?
Written in 20 minutes and 45 seconds
As soon as I disconnected the chair from my hands and I madly threw it on my opponent, I suddenly realized that I didn’t care anymore about being decent. This conflict that had evoked into a fight like no other, had stopped being about respectability the moment he stepped above my boundaries and smugly humiliated my self-worth.
This wasn’t about respectability at all…
“You’re dead!”
I screamed my lungs out, taking his throat in between my hands and the few agonizing moans which he uttered made me frown annoyed at their pitifulness.
“I- I didn’t mean to!”
“Are you for real?”
A high-pitched question escaped from my lips, looking in disgust the rat that had dared to mess with my reputation.
I didn’t give him a second to respond and I started tightening my grip around his neck, craving to take back the damage he had caused; or at least eliminate any chance of him ruining another person’s future.
“Please stop!”
Another voice was heard coming from behind me and I subconsciously hoped that this voice didn’t belong to whom I thought it did since I was certain that this person would halt my actions with ease.
“Stop…”
She repeated in a lower tone -making me already feel regretful for the tears I couldn’t yet see- and as I slowly distanced my hands from the rat’s body -silently wondering if it was the right thing to do- I finally turned around and faced her head on as the trash I was just strangling started choking frantically.
“He… He’s not to blame.”
She whispered, averting her eyes from mine and I had to raise an eyebrow surprised at her statement before managing to question in confusion.
“What?”
The world came out numb and the answer was slow to follow…
I pulled a slim Marlboro from the pack and lit it the same green lighter I’d had for a good two weeks now- a new record for me. I leaned against the cool, rust colored brick of high school, aka hell hole. I breathed a mouthful of smoke into the air and watched admirably as it intermingled with the brisk September air. I didn’t want to be here. But in hindsight I didn’t truly want to be at home either. I knew what awaited me when I got home, and it was not a nice afternoon snack and homework help. I took a deep breath and repeated my life mantra in my head once again. Don’t cause any trouble, don’t speak unless spoken to, don’t do anything you’d regret. I looked up from where I had been staring at my fumbling fingers and saw my best -and only- friend Teddy, screaming at Chuck, the resident bully. I couldn’t quite make out the words but I believed it had something to do with Chuck making fun of the small girl with purple glasses that’s in my biology class.
As the boys stepped closer to me I could start to make out their heated conversation.
“This is why you don’t have any friends, Chuck. Because you’re a jerk to everybody,” Teddy said and Chuck scowled at him.
“Ha! You’re one to talk, Bentley. What friends do you have? McFuller? Because really, that freak shouldn’t be able to count. If he didn’t exist the school would move on just fine without him. He’s a nobody, he’s invisible. Why won’t you just admit that you’re just friends with him because you pity him,” Teddy then continued to slug him in the nose. Which, I will admit, was pretty amusing. The feeling of amusement left when I realized that Teddy was about to get pummeled because he was trying to defend me.
Chuck was continually punching Teddy in the stomach, while Teddy was trying to break out of his grasp and attempting to kick his knees out. Grief flowed through me at sight of Teddy’s pain. Boom! Teddy nailed Chuck in the balls with his knee, lifting my spirits considerably. The lift fell as I watched Chuck wholeheartedly punch Ted in the eye.
I decided then that I needed to step in. I threw my smoke on the ground and stomped on it, then waddled closer to the two fighting boys. I stepped between them and did the only thing I could think of to do, I started singing the Barney theme song.
“I love you
you love me
we’re a happy family
with a great big hug
and a kiss from me to you
won’t you say I love you too.” Sure enough, Chuck and Teddy stepped away from each other and just glared back and forth for a second. Chuck snarled then turned to me and muttered “Freak” before walking away. Teddy flicked Chuck off as he walked away before turning to me.
“Well played,” Teddy said. I smirked then pulled him into a quick hug.
“Thanks for sticking up for me.”
‘It wasn’t your place to do that,’ declared Sam quietly,
whilst visably trying to control the anger bubbling beneath. ‘Nope, not your place at all.’
Sam’s face rolled slowly upwards, eyes locking on to Alex’s
eyes and showing flickering anger. Alex
could feel tension creeping through the skins of everyone assembled, tinged hot
and stinging.
‘Look, maybe you’re right – it probably wasn’t my place,’
offered Alex – was there too much of a wobble of fear in the statement? Sam blinked.
‘Look, it’s done now.
I can’t change what’s happened.
Let’s just both get back to our days.’
Alex started forward, shoulder hunching up the school bag that was sliding
slowly down towards the hard, concrete ground.
‘No,’ Sam commanded. ‘No
we won’t just get back to our days!’ The volume increased, the hoarse scream
echoed round the school yard. ‘I’m going
to hurt you.’ Alex’s eyes looked
startled, and darted round the crowd for some sign of friendliness. None was forthcoming.
‘I’m going to make sure you never come near me ever again!’
The rage in Sam’s voice was thick and tangible.
All that could then be seen was the charging forward of a fist-led knot
of fury, and the chanting endorsement of the crowd.
Alex shrunk. This
fight was not worth fighting, and anyway fighting just shouldn’t ever happen,
not for any reason. But the onslaught
came, despite the shield made of Alex’s own arms. Blood trickled warmly over skin.
‘WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!’ came the bellow of the
teacher, attracted by the density and murmur of the gathered crowd. Everyone seemed to disperse quickly, but
spring back to remain there peripherally and see what happened.
‘I can’t believe you
two,’ yelled the enraged teacher. ‘This
is not how young ladies behave.’
I waited for him patiently. My backpack was on the floor and I took off my Yankees sweatshirt. Luther Barnes has bullied me for the last time and as soon as he came walking through those doors, I would end him. He walked out talking to his teammates from the football team. He was the captain which was fine, but it didn’t give him the right to treat others like shit.
” Hey Luther, you big sack of shit!” I yelled! The students gathered around the entrance of the school, as if they knew there would be a fight.
“You have a death wish, Martin!?” He replied
I walked over to him and looked in his eyes, “No, I wouldn’t call it a death wish!”
I punched him right in the nose, and he fell back and his head smacked against the concrete staircase. That punch made me feel like a million bucks. I’ve been dreaming about this moment for the past two years.
Blood dripped all over his letter man jacket and he holding nose to see if is was broken.
“Your DEAD!” Luther ran down the stairs and tackled me to the ground. His massive frame almost knocked the breath out of me when he shoulders slammed into my ribs.
He was mounted on top of me and he was delivering a barrage of punches to my face.
It felt like I was being hit with a waffle iron, which is to be expected considering he was a football player. I tried blocking with my arms but a lot of hits were connecting.
“Die you bastard” he yelled as he continued pounding on me.
By some miracle I managed to get him off of me and I tried to run. He grabbed me by my shirt and placed me in a headlock. “Go to sleep, like a good little baby” he teased as he choked the dear life out of me. He would of killed me if one of his teammates didn’t pull him off me. My friend Todd picked me up off the floor. I tried to stand on my own two feet without stumbling over. I really didn’t think I had much of a chance against Luther. I just wanted to let him know, that I wouldn’t take his crap anymore.
Went the 15 min and sort of struggled (INTROSPECTION)
“OK, so slow down and tell me what happened.” I had trained
my voiced to hover somewhere between a preschool teacher’s gentle charm and the
Vice Principal’s, sometimes it worked as they responded to the perceived warmth
and the cool authority lurking below the surface.
“She said my car was green.”
“But Howard, your car is green,” I pointed out, struggling
to contain myself.
“She can’t say nothing about my car.”
“So besides the green part, what else was going on?”
“Nothing.” Howard
dropped eye contact with me, a sure sign that something else had indeed been
going on.
“He said I was a slut!” screamed Alyse. “And he don’t know
that yet.”
I fear I am losing control of the conversation.
“You said my car was…” his thought never saw completion as
her fist hit his face. He swung back before I could stop him. She raged forward and grabbed for his hair, a
bad day for skater hair apparently. She caught a fistful and dragged his slight
frame to the ground.
“Hey now,” my voice forceful, “Let go!”
They both turned and froze. Other adults joined us and separated the two.
Hi, I wrote this in fifteen minutes. not very good and has no dialouge. Is that ok sometimes? Please look at this.
thanks.
Chess
I walked out across the school yard, I saw him over there, talking to his buddys. what chumps they were. how happy. how quaint. i bet they all had no idea what he did to me.
I tapped him on the shoulder, and when he turned around, it punched him in the jaw, my knuckles slicing his lip open. my knee quickly followed with a crushing blow to the ribs. in the few seconds it had taken me to get in a few hits, a ring had already formed around our fight. I had the upper hand, my fists raining down on him. my body moved smoothly, cutting and dancing through the falling rain. vaguely i could recognize the cheers of the other students around me.
Then, i made a wrong move.
I let my foot get in front of his arms and he grasped it, throwing me to the ground hard while simultaneously positioning himself above me, his fist raised, up until now, i had hardly suffered any injuries, but now my mistake cost me, my opponent’s weapons of bone falling like artillery shells across my chest and face.
The managed to escape to the crowd, some of my friends now standing in front of me. My opponent, no, my enemy stood across from me.
My friends had now been brought in to this fight with me. they would share the blame. good. as long as he was destroyed. we attacked with expert speed and grace, bill and joe closed in on his flanks while i came right up the gut…literally.
It was like an elegant game of chess.
I brought my knights out, striking fast, my pieces moving in for the kill.
but, my enemy saw this coming from his friends soon joined in, big meaty football lineman. Rooks. They pulled bill and joe of of him, throwing bill to the ground and decking joe with a round mean left hook.
I was out numbered.
my opponent was better than I was.
My pieces were soon eliminated and quickly my defenses fell, his queen moving in for the kill. his fist connected with my face as his friends held me.
He smiled and he kicked me in the stomach. I could hear the teacher running over. the chess match ending. a great ballet of skill and strategy coming to an epic conclusion.
All war was the same. chess, fist fights or WWII
The teacher put her hand on my enemies shoulder, just as he tackled me to the ground. I could feel his hot breath right next to my ear. He knew he had won and i had made a fool of my self. I cursed myself for a tactical error.
“Check mate.” he whispered and took my king.
Maybe it doesn’t have all those elements, but I wrote about a school fight and this is what came out…
—–
Just a few days before, Kelly effortlessly leaned up against Josh’s red locker and flirted with him. It wasn’t real flirting, of course, but they were talking to each other, largely the same concept.
And then in the middle of Kelly’s passion-filled minutes with Josh, which she looked forward to every morning, Ally interrupted them. Ally was Josh’s partner in English class. They had worked together on a speech project for the class later that day, and she needed to deliver his note cards for the presentation. As normal teens, they had read To Kill A Mockingbird. Ally gingerly touched Josh’s shoulder to alert him of her presence.
“Hey, here are the notes, thanks for letting me copy them down,” she said.
“Oh, no problem, are you ready?”
“Yeah, I think so. You?”
“I think it’ll be fine.”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, sorry, Ally, have you met Kelly?”
She hadn’t officially, but everyone knew Kelly. The two girls shook hands. The bell was about to ring.
“Ok well I’ve gotta go. See you in English,” Josh said, to Ally, and then he walked away.
“Yeah. You too. Nice meeting you, Kelly.”
The bell rang for class. The presentation would go well that afternoon. A’s for everyone.
Then, a few days later, Ally didn’t exactly wave. She leaned into the lunch table, into everyone’s sight line, and moved her hand vertically toward her cheek. It was innocuous enough, but Kelly didn’t see it for a while, so Ally tried again. She moved her hand back and forth slightly, just enough to be invisible but also to signal a friendly “hello” to Kelly, her new friend, who she’d met at Josh’s locker early that week.
Kelly saw her the entire time. She had nothing to say to the sheepish greeting request, but the wave reeked of such an awful desperation that Kelly finally acknowledged it.
“I’m sorry, hi, I just don’t even know who you are.”
And then the fresh silence had actual weight, hanging in the atmosphere around the two separate groups of sixth-grade girls.
Ally’s hand fell away from her face. She was beaten. Everyone had seen it happen.
“Oh,” she exhaled. “I’m Ally. We, uh…Josh introduced us the other day.”
“Well then hi, I hope you’re enjoying your lunch.”
“Ok, yeah, you too.”
Ally immediately looked at her food – drying macaroni and a fruit cup. Kelly swiveled her head back to her previous conversation, where no one had the nerve to ask what had just happened. Each horrified face around the table was slightly different than the next.
Eight minutes ticked and ticked and ticked and ticked and ticked away. The bell mercifully sounded.
This is certainly a scenario lots of people can relate to, especially being timid around people. I myself was extremely shy in school, particularly back in the sixth grade. Although the girl in the story has an even worse situation, because she had been beaten up prior to lunch time, from what I gather after reading the story.
When reading this, I thought back to my own experiences when I was in the sixth grade, not sure where to sit at lunch, because I felt intimidated by a lot of the other students at my school. Then again, I was a new student there, only have been at the school for a little over a month, because my family had just moved to the school disctict. Sixth grade can be a frightening experience, especially for girls. I can relate to where in the story it says Ally waved to Kelley, and Kelley didn’t ackowledge her at first. And then when Ally was finally acknowledge, Kelley then ignored her and went back to talking to her own click, ignoring Alley, leaving her to fend for hersef. I think many people have found themselves in similar circumstances, if they had difficulty in making friends, or were trying to fit in, but didn’t quite know where they belonged.
As a writer, you’ve done a great job of establishing an emotional connection with your audience. Great descripts and details. You’ve also done a great job of showing the story instead just telling the story. That’s what all the great masters of fiction do. Overall, well done.
I can’t breathe. My legs are kicking desperately beneath me.
ACTION
“Cat, are you OK?” Jules comes swimming over to me.
“My mask is full of water, I’m trying to empty it!” I gasp, barely managing to keep my head above sea level.
“Wait, I’ll hold you up.” Jules takes me under the arms, freeing my face from the salty water. DIALOGUE
Jules is not exactly a strong swimmer herself. She reluctantly passed up sunbathing on the beach to come snorkelling on my insistence that the sealife in Koh Samui was just as good as the Great Barrier Reef.
EXPOSITION
As my body tires from the strain of keeping afloat, I curse Sam’s Samui Snorkelling and my leaky mask and the damned ‘mesmerising’ fish. Towards the horizon I see ominous ripples advancing. If I don’t secure my goggles in a few seconds, we’re doomed. Jules is still forcing me up out of the water, her spindly legs thrashing gallantly below. DESCRIPTION. I must remember to buy her a cold beer when and if we make it back to the island. INTROSPECTION.
“I think I’ve almost got it.” I fumble with the now emptied mask and finally get it somewhat secured on my puffed face. DESCRIPTION
“Are you sure? OK I’m letting go now, can you swim back to shore?” Jules releases me and I’m unanchored once more. DIALOGUE
“I think so, I might be a little slow. See you back at the beach!” I can just about pinpoint our garish blue towels, bought expressly for this trip so that we could find them easily in a sea of tourists. DESCRIPTION
Making my way wearily back to shore, having narrowly escaped death and observed nothing of the underwater world of Koh Samui, I ask myself, what is so great about snorkelling anway? INSTROSPECTION
Prompt #4: The Light That Broke Through The Darkness
By Kiki Stamatiou a. k. a. Joanna Maharis
Dominica Moore had been going to school at the little country school for only three months. At first, things were bitter, what with folks making fun of her behind her back. Then when she went to sixth grade camp, she acquired some confidence in herself, making some friends and being popular in the process. However, three months later,
things got hectic for Dominica.
She was standing near the back entrance of the middle school with some girls who were supposed to be her friends, when one of the girls named Carlotta started antagonizing Dominica, “What the h— kind of pants are those? Bell bottoms went out of style after the nineteen eighties came along. What were you parents thinking buying you those ugly things, Dominica. Why don’t you wear normal jeans like Jordache or Calvin Klein. Gloria Vanderbilt’s would be ideal also,” taunting Dominica while pushing her against the glass door.
The other friend Chris stepped in. She seemed nicer, saying, “Well, Dominica’s jeans could pass for Jordache jeans with the brown line and the stitching.”
“Chris, nobody in their right mind would wear the kind of jeans Dominica is wearing,” Carlotta said while kicking Dominica and spitting on her.’’
Tears welled up in Dominica’s eyes, as she struggled to hide her pain and sorrow. However, the rain building up in her soul started getting the best of her as the tears dripped one after the other down her sullen cheeks.
She’d had enough of Carlotta, so Dominica punched her in the eye, making her eye black and blue.
Chris got involved saying, “Wait a minute, Dominica, you can’t do that to my friend,” while kicking Dominica in the shins.
Soon a crowd gathered around, as it was two against one. The boys and girls who looked on at first started participating in the bullying. The one boy grabbed Dominica
by the arms, swung them behind her back, held her hands tight with Carlotta, and shoved her into the snow.
One by one, everyone got in one the bullying, hitting, kicking, and spitting on Dominica.
Then, one young man was the light in Dominica’s darkness when he came along and broke up the fight, shouting, “Leave her alone, d— you all. Leave her the h— alone.”
Shoving his way through the crowd, he walked up to Dominica who was filled with tears coming from her eyes, and bloodied nose. Extending his hand to her, he said, “It’s alright. They won’t hurt you. I won’t let them.”
Accepting his hand, Dominica was helped up from the mound of snow she was shoved into by the other students.
© Copyright, Kiki Stamatiou, 2015
As I was walking to the playground, I heard the shouting.
“Stop it!” screamed a girl’s voice.
I recognized the voice, it was Abby. More voices chimed in some sounding happy about the fight, while others trying to stop the fight with their words. One voice stood out more as a taunt than an urging for the fight to stop.
“You guys are going to get in trouble”, yelled Ben.
I could see the circle of children and glimpses of feet, hands, and one of the boys head.
Then someone yelled, “Here comes the teacher”.
The children’s circle opened up to a wider circle. Allowing me to see the two boys rolling around on the ground. The two boys appeared to be fighting even thought it was hard to see if anyone had got a good punch in or not.
The boys looked sweaty and had an angry look in their eyes as they continued to roll back and forth locked in what appeared to be a hug. They did not seem to notice that their audience of peers had distanced themselves or my approaching presence. At that moment I realized that I did not have my playground whistle to get their attention. I was going to have to use my sternest voice and hope they hear it over their own intently wrestling and grunting.
As I got closer, more kids approached me chattering like chirping birds. I heard several at once.
“Teacher, James started it”, said one.
“Teacher, teacher, Sam started it”, said another.
“I tried to stop it”, chimed in another.
I finally reached the boys and shouted in my sternest booming voice.
“JAMES, SAM, STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!”, even louder, “I SAID NOW”!!!
This got their attention and the boys rolled apart. Immediately upon standing up they each started in defending themselves with He Started It!
I shouted “ENOUGH!” “The rest of you line up,” I bellowed without looking around. As the kids went to line up. The two boys started in again. Using that I mean business tone, “Not another word”. “Go to the restroom, Sam, and wash up. James wait here”. Both boys looked like they had run a marathon and rolled around in the dirt. While Sam was in the bathroom I questioned James. When Sam returned, I sent James to clean up. Of course both boys had different stories.
By the time we all returned to class both boys would not look at anyone, they just sat and scowled. The rest of the class was ready to tell their story of the fight. I did not let anyone speak. It was like watching little birds in a nest open their mouth and no sound coming out of. As each one started I strongly repeated myself, “HUSH!” and raised my had like a crosswalk guard would do to the cars as he/she crossed the children. One by one I questioned the other children getting to the source of the truth or what I could deduce was the truth. Through all that the children tried to sneak whisper of what had happened. James and Sam were scowling and sneaking daggered glances at each other.
I held my breath. My whole body was warm and covered with dews of sweat despise the cold weather. Thomas Trade . Six foot tall and frankly the most intimidating kid on campus , no , he wasn’t a kid , I thought as I jumped over a fence twice his size into the school yard. He was a monster as he completed the fence in quarter time I had . I knew I couldn’t run when his brother like thug appeared from my only exit – the school doors leading inside. “STOP HIM!” Thomas thundered over my drum like heart beats .”I AM GONNA KILL THAT BASTARD!” Suddenly I felt my self slow down . Was it really worth it, I contemplated, Did I even kiss his girl friend? I started to forget things , something I did when I got nervous . I started to doubt myself . Why am I even running . What idiot would try Trade. I sighed. Then my eyes shot open as an fist jabbed at my back. I flew to the ground and slid 2 meters , everything turning painfully numb. “Don’t cry Jordan , Ism just here to teach you a lesson,” he said coldly and not in the funny way he should have. Truth was Thomas was actually a cool guy half the time. I would never get outta his bad side. “Just a Question,” he pulled me up off the ground by my collar.” What a scrawny guy like you goin around doin it with my girl? ” he asked seriously. Seconds past where I had just coughed. Then she appeared behind him , Angela Sayers, her arms crossed. I could only see her lips move as Trade immediately dropped my body. His hands trembled. His twin brother long gone . I was pretty sure what she said , because tight then I remembered how it had all started. It was because she kissed me.
– I tried … if you can help improve my story (other than my spelling
errors ) that would be helpful
Right not tight
Continue — a smile crept across my face . And what a heck of a good one it was
Never had the school playground looked so large. There must have been 150 kids packed in, hoping to be entertained by Jess and Rob. The two middle-school students each stood at opposite ends of the long, wood-plank see-saw. Jess had one hand on the seat, the other on the grip; Rob held tight to the seat on his end with both hands. Sweat streamed down his face, but he tried to be cool.
“My mom says I can’t hit a girl, but I will if I have to.” It was a lie. Rob couldn’t hit a girl, and especially not Jess. The two friends had always been inseparable. But now Jess was angry at Rob, although what he had done he did not know. He only knew everybody in school had been talking all day about how Jess was going to beat up Rob after school.
The anger in Jess had been welling up in her for a week. It was last Thursday in music class that she saw Rob paying entirely too much attention to Becka. Sweet, sweet, beautiful Becka with her silky blonde hair and laser beam blue eyes. Jess never liked Becka, but now she hated her. After school that day Rob was not at their usual meeting place for them to walk home together.
“I saw him walking home with Becka,” said Judy Greene. Judy was the class tattle-tale.
Jess only stood there, the steel see-saw grip cold on her palm. She was perfectly calm, knowing full well Rob would never hit her. But now she regretted the proposed fight, as well. She wondered exactly how she had allowed herself to get to this point. Rob just felt sick to his stomach – not from fear of a fight, but from fear of hurting Jess. Fear and utter confusion. He could not understand why Jess was so angry with him. He looked around at the kids, salivating to see Jess, who was at least two inches taller than Rob, tear into him. They were clearly on her side.
The school building cast a long shadow across the playground, obscuring the sun from all but the see-saw as the two former friends approached each other. Jess walked to the middle of the see-saw and Rob followed suit. The tension in the air was palpable; another student in the mob giggled. When the two could no longer move forward without running into each other, they stopped and stared at one another. Rob wanted to disappear.
After a few moments, Jess moved closer to Rob and kissed him. She then turned and ran. The other kids were stunned and completely silent, then they started yelling and screaming for Jess to come back and fight. They had been robbed, and they did not like it one bit.
Rob smiled.
Terry strolled up to Ben, smiling. “Hey, my boy” he said trough gritted teeth. He kept the smile on his face though. Just as Terry was going to shake his hand, Terry back-handed Ben in the face. Ben stalled a bit, shocked from the slap. Terry took this as an advantage. “This is what you get, Johnson,” Terry spat, before kicking Ben behind the knees, making him fall over “for hitting on my girl” he finished saying, kicking Ben in the side. Ben gasped for air, his cheek still red from the slap, his body twisted in a strange way on the ground. People started to circle around them, whispering excitedly. I felt sick to my stomach. As light headed as I was feeling, I watched as my two friends wrestled each other, both cursing and spitting blood in each others faces. Both had become sweaty from the fight going on, Ben had a ripped shirt and Terry with a bruise forming on his cheek.
I figured that this was enough; I walked through the crowd and into the circle. Grabbing Terry’s shirt, I heaved Terry off of Ben, fighting to keep the two of them apart. Ben’s eyes were wide, his face red and his blood vessels popping out from under his skin. Terry though, remained calm, ripping my hand off of his shirt. Blood still pouring from his face, he walked away and into the student parking lot. The next thing you know, the sound of an engine started, and the screeching of tires on the road faded away.
Christian knew he shouldn’t have gone to school today.
But he’d gone anyway, because Mum made him, and it felt like now he’d thrown his life away for nothing. Because it was break-time now, 10 o’clock, and he was done for. He hoped his breakfast had been fully digested.
The other boys’ cries cut through his muddled thoughts. “Oy, freak!” they spat. Christian winced at the flying spittle, and tried retreating into a corner.
“You’re not getting away!”
It was not good – the boys pulled him out the instant they got a hold of him. Christian’s arm scraped against the harsh stone of the playground pavement – the pain begins. He couldn’t get himself to stand before a fist collided with his cheek.
The pro: cheekbones are hard, meaning the boy who hit him was now sobbing with pain. The con: Christian’s face hurt, badly.
“OW!” the boy let loose a few choice swears. “It hurts, he fucking hurt me!”
In the precious instants he was left on the ground, untouched, Christian thought of how he really shouldn’t have floored his bullies at maths yesterday. Was it even his fault? The answers – the CORRECT answers! – just flew out of his mouth, like he was possessed. He normally wasn’t even a good maths student: like in everything else, his energy was invested in keeping a low profile. Which meant no showing off. But Mrs. Mills had looked at him the way she and his parents looked at Christian in parent-teacher conferences.
Christian couldn’t help himself. It was like someone was working against him – standing behind him like an invisible puppet master, making him say things he shouldn’t have said and making everybody else hate him.
“He hurt Johnny! Get him!”
Christian hoped they wouldn’t go after his stomach this time. Or his groin.
There were ten of them at least.
He scratched the back of his head as sweat poured down the side of his face.
“Wow,” he said. “You guys really knew how to ‘circle’ a guy around.”
One of the, the fat one, came forward as he punched his palm. “You really brave here, pretty boy.”
He blinked. Pretty?
“You know what we do to pretty boys like you?” the fat one said. He licked his lips. This one used to serve at the cafeteria.
He clenched his fist in his pockets. “I don’t know. I think you don’t give them valentines hearts, at least.”
They grumbled. The fat one raised an eyebrow. “Why would we give you a V-day card?” He shook his head. “No, we turn guys like you into pretty little girls.”
He inhaled a deep breath as the fat one moved closer. “So what now, ready to close in boy?”
He didn’t move. The harsh rays of the sun baked his skin and he grit his teeth. The fat one moved closer again and none of his buddies even blink.
“You see here-” the fat one said. “Hey, why aren’t you talking? Gone deaf?”
Deaf? He stiffened his leg as the fat one rushed to his face. The fat one had his face all over him. “You shit your pants, boy? Huh?” he said. “You gonna come home and cry to your slut sister.”
He blinked. Then his fist went flying straight to the fat ones face. He hit again before the fat one could recover. He lifted his leg and-
“Stop,” the fat one said as he touched his bleeding cheek. “No don’t help, this is between me and pretty boy.”
He looked at his arms and feet. The cronies held him firm and he could barely move.
“Let him go,” the fat one said. “I wanna punch his face to pulp myself.”
They let go and he had only began to regain the feeling of his limbs before a fist connected to his face. He fell and landed on his back. He looked up to see fatso sneering at him.
“How’s that?” fatso said. Strong, very strong.
“You boxed?” he said as he stood up.
“Nothing too formal,” fatso said. “Just a couple of beatings here and there.” Then fatso’s fist fly to his face again and he barely dodged it.
“You’re fast,” he said as he hit him on the ribs.
“Thanks,” fatso said as he cried in pain. “Let me give a return.”
This time fatso’s punch hit him squarely on the stomach and he felt blood in his mouth. He stood on his knees and smiled. “Nice one fatso.”
I am sorry, this took me much more than 15 mins.
Here it is:
John saw Dave playing cricket in the school playground. Everyone was aware that fights in the playground were strictly prohibited. Probably, the reason why Dave was on the playground to begin with.
[Dailogue]
John went to Dave, who was fielding, held his collar in a powerful single-handed grip and said, “So now, can I expect an apology?”
Dave, with an unintimidated look his eyes, replied in a contemptuous hyper-masculinized voice, “Behave yourself”. Thus, completely avoiding answering John’s question.
John, the larger of the two, tightly clenched his other fist behind his back, trying to hide his anxiety and with a fake smirk asked, “And what are you going to do if I don’t?”
Dave replied in an unwavering firm voice, “I am warning you, don’t try me” being well aware that John was a bit too much of a goody-two-shoes to break a school rule.
John felt a slight twitch of uncertainty in his legs while Dave stood steady & confident. John’s heart beats fastened as he realized that he couldn’t hold it in any longer.
[Action]
In just a moment, a swift sharp crackling sound caught the attention of a number of other students playing in their vicinity.
[Description]
To their surprise, Dave was the curled up on the ground in a fetal position, dazed out of cognition.
John stepped forward to land another blow, but Tom, one of Dave’s friends, held John from his back and pulled him away. John though not larger than Tom jerked him off his back and stomped towards Dave but just before landing a final blow noticed a changed look in Dave’s eyes.
[Exposition]
Dave had been jealous of John, who was a high-achieving introverted son of a single mother, and with his bunch of friends, such as Tom, bullied him. But today, he crossed the line for John when he accused him of being, ‘A coward son of a dead soldier’
[Introspection]
The accusation provoked John because at some level, he believed it to be true, as he was scared, but he didn’t want to accept it, as it wouldn’t do justice to his father’s sacrifice.
[Emotion]
Now, looking at Dave’s frightened eyes and his withdrawing actions, John couldn’t help but smile a little at the realisation that courage is not about fearlessness but about being willing to fight despite the fear. John finally understood, why people always considered his father to be brave despite him always telling his family that he was scared.
I got fifteen minutes I took 9 minutes ( keep in mind I am 15 years old)
SCHOOLYARD FIGHT
Kelesha walked up to Isa and pulled her hair into the field. She then slapped Isa and punched her in her stomach. (ACTION)
Isa then said “Kelesha what are you doing this for” kelesha replied “I can’t believe u stole him from me you knew I liked him”(DIALOUGUE)
Some background: kelesha showed Isa her bestie a pic of a guy that liked her and she like them too soon after, Isa received a friend request from the same boy. They started talking and he decided he wanted Isa and dumped kelesha. (EXPOSITION)
Isa was in pain she had a bad bruise on her face and stomach and her head was bleeding (EMOTION)
Kelesha then said to herself I knew he loved Isa and I still got jealous (INTEROSPECTION
I was sitting in the school playground with Emma. Lunch break had just started. As I took the first bite of my sandwich, my eyes caught sight of furious Jill marching towards us. She came close to Emma, paused for a moment and slapped hard on her face.
Whoa! What was that for? I demanded.
You stay out of this. Jill shouted
You cheat! You stole my script and thought you could get away with it? Jill stormed at Emma.
Just then I remembered I had caught Emma peeking into Jill’s bag last week. Spotting me in the classroom she hurried out saying she had an important work. She was actually stealing Jill’s script she was about to submit for final term.
Jill was trembling with anger while Emma stood speechless. Everyone in the ground had gathered around us by now and were staring at the girls.
I felt sorry for Jill but there was nothing I could do to help her with the deadline. I was dismayed at what Emma’s had done for I thought she was a brilliant student.
As I watched, Adam made a bee line for Jason.
“Hey man,” Jason started to say before Adam tackled Jason to the ground like a pro wrestler. Adam kept on punching him in the face before one of his friends pulled him off Jason.
“Fuck! What is the matter with you?!” Jason spat out blood as his freinds held Adam back away from him.
Adam waved a pair of stiletto boots at Jason’s face, his own contorted with fury. “You sent these to me! ‘Dear Adam, try these on for size,'”
Jason burst out laughing at that. Adam had always been insecure about his height.
“You think this is funny?” Adam looked like he was about to jump on him again.
Jason seemed oblivious and laughed some more. “No, man, I did not send those shoes but yes, that’s funny.”
That made Adam punch him again and this time Jason fought back, starting a full blown brawl. Not even their friends could stop them.
I kept quiet, my face as straight as possible, because, of course, Jason didn’t send those shoes.
I did.
As I watched, Adam made a bee line for Jason.
“Hey man,” Jason started to say before Adam tackled Jason to the ground like a pro wrestler. Adam kept on punching him in the face before one of his friends pulled him off Jason.
“Fuck! What is the matter with you?!” Jason spat out blood as his freinds held Adam back away from him.
Adam waved a pair of stiletto boots at Jason’s face, his own contorted with fury. “You sent these to me! ‘Dear Adam, try these on for size,'”
Jason burst out laughing at that. Adam had always been insecure about his height.
“You think this is funny?” Adam looked like he was about to jump on him again.
Jason seemed oblivious and laughed some more. “No, man, I did not send those shoes but yes, that’s funny.”
That made Adam punch him again and this time Jason fought back, starting a full blown brawl. Not even their friends could stop them.
I kept quiet, my face as straight as possible, because, of course, Jason didn’t send those shoes.
I did.
This is almost story piece of my school days.
we gathered in the assembly ground for the morning prayer. All the instruments of band and flags were lying on the ground. After hoisting the flag and playing the Drums,the morning session comes to end. There were guys from all over the communities. studying in this school. My friends and myself started taking back all the equipment’s back to the store room..
To our astonishment , we find some of things still lying on the ground as it was responsibility of some other guys to get back things in store room. we find some guys were standing on the national flag,which was still lying on the floor.We were totally flared up by this action. We consider national flag is a matter of our honor.One of our senior guy rushed towards ground and shouted on them. “What are you doing?”.we were also rushed towards the ground. He punched one of the guy on nose, who was doing this action. that fellow fell down on the ground.. There were little bleeding on his nose. We were all gathered there
There were all silence now. As of now he was knowing why he has done this to me.One of our guys shouted besides “we should pay due respect to our national flag.”
There was bleeding on his nose so we took him to medical room inside the school campus. The person who has punched this fellow was now talking to other group ,.whether he has done too much by punching on him. Somehow he was feeling good because he has made him realize to honor the flag